Weapons of math instruction

[trogdor]

I don't know who sent this to me, Mom (D - Yellow Dog) or Dad (R - since Goldwater). I laughed my ass off anyway.

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At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later
discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying
to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a
T square, a slide rule, and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, Attorney general John Ashcroft
said he believes the man is a member of the notorious al-gebra movement.
He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of
math instruction.

"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult,", Ashcroft said. "They desire
average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on
tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names
like "x" and "y" and refer to themselves as "unknowns", but we have
determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of
medieval with coordinates in every country.

"As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, there are 3 sides to
every triangle," Ashcroft declared.

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had
wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would
have given us more fingers and toes!

"I am gratified that our government has given us a sine that it
is intent on protracting us from these math-dogs who are willing to
disintegrate us with calculus disregard. Murky statisticians
love to inflict plane on every sphere of influence," the President said,
adding: "Under the circumferences, we must differentiate their
root, make our point, and draw the line."

President Bush warned, "These weapons of math instruction have
the potential to decimal everything in their math on a scalene never
before seen unless we become exponents of a Higher Power and begin to
factor-in random facts of vertex."

Attorney General Ashcroft said, "As our Great Leader would say, read
my ellipse. Here is one principle he is uncertainty of: though
they continue to multiply, their days are numbered as the hypotenuse
tightens around their necks."

[Gman]

1. Took what's now an old joke and made it interesting again!