Put George Bush in your favorite blonde joke

[giant_robot]

Here's mine:

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in Washington DC. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through the usual jokes poking fun at the intelligence of the president when the Dubya himself emerges from the audience, stands on a chair in the 4th row and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid jokes. What makes you think this job is easy? I'm just a plain-spoken Texan! That doesn't make me stupid! It's guys like you who polarize the american people and keep me from being respected as a leader in the world community and from reaching our full potential as a nation... because you and your kind continue to perpetuate a negative image of not only my administration, but republicans in general...and all in the name of humor!"

The ventriloquist is embarrassed and shocked by the president's vehement and uncharacteristically articulate outburst. He begins to apologize, when Dubya yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little son of a bitch on your knee!"

[Hugin]

1. Why did Dubya get kicked out of GOP Campaign Headquarters?

He kept throwing away the bumperstickers which had "M"s, "3"s, and "E"s printed
on them.

[blondeatlast]

17. Oh, that's gooooooooooooood... Is it original?

:thumbsup::rofl::rofl::rofl:

[Orsino]

2. Q: How can you tell that Dubya has been read the NIE?

A: There's white-out on the parts that tend to undercut his Administration's rationale for preemptive invasion.

Not funny in real life, either. x(

[giant_robot]

3. So, Dubya's vacationing on his Crawford ranch...

...and enjoying a ride on his mountain bike when he becomes separated from his entourage of secret service agents. After a short search, Bush is spotted on the opposite bank of a small stream.

"Sir!" called the agent, "How do I get to the other side?"

"You ARE on the other side!"

[Hugin]

4. How do you make Dubya's eyes twinkle?

You shine a flashlight in his ear.

[Hugin]

5. How do you get Gee-Dub out of a tree?

Wave.

[Hugin]

7. .

Oops, I pulled a dubya.

[giant_robot]

9. LOL! n/t

[Ava]

6. i don't think he'd fit in my favorite one.

:spray:

[Hugin]

8. Why'd W drive into a ditch?

To turn off the blinker.













Edit: Many people don't know what a turn signal is. :eyes:

[giant_robot]

10. A blind man walks into a bar with his guide dog...

... finds his way to a bar stool. After ordering a drink and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a Dubya joke?"
The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice, the man next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is republican, the bouncer is a republican and I'm a 6'-tall, 200-lb. lifelong republican with a black belt in karate. What's more, the man sitting next to me is a dittohead and he's a weight lifter. The man to your right is a freeper, and he's a pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind guy thinks a moment and says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

[blondeatlast]

18. LOL!

:thumbsup:

[NNadir]

33. You really made me laugh. Thanks.

[Hugin]

11. What did Dub say when he looked into the box of Cheerios?

Oh! Look, doughnut seeds!

[Hugin]

12. How come G.W. isn't allowed to change any light bulbs?

He keeps breaking them with the hammer.



Hmm... Sort of a Delay angle in that one too.

[Hugin]

13. Did you hear about the Republican coyote?

Got stuck in a trap. Chewed off three legs. Was still stuck.

[Hugin]

14. What goes... VROOM! SCREECH! VROOM! SCREECH! VROOM! ... etc?

Dubya driving through a flashing red light.

[giant_robot]

15. LOL! Thanks for playing along, Prag!

I see you're a few jokes up on me now. I'm going to have to find a few more.

[giant_robot]

16. OK, I think I've exhausted all of the blonde jokes

Or, at least the ones I find humorous. I'm going to cannibalize an Irish joke before I quit.

A young woman stumbles up to the only other patron in a Washington DC bar and asks if she could buy her a drink.
"Why of course," comes the reply.
The first woman then asks: "Where are you from?"
"I'm from Texas," replies the second woman.
The first woman responds: "No way! I'm from Texas too! Let's do a round of shots to Texas!"
"Woohoo!," yells the second woman.
Curious, the first woman then asks: "Where in Texas are you from?"
"Crawford," comes the reply.
"Get out!," says the first woman. "I'm from Crawford too! Another round of watermelon shooters for Crawford!"
"Hell, yeah!!," replies the second woman.
Curiosity again strikes and the first woman asks: "What school did you go to?"
"Stephen F. Austin High school," replies the second woman. "Class of 2000."
"No freaking way!," the first woman says. "Me too!"
About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
"What's been going on?," he asks the bartender.
"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The Bush twins are drunk again."

[blondeatlast]

19. Must memorize that one! nt

[Ava]

20. LOL!

omg! :spray:

:rofl:

[NNadir]

34. Great!

[sarge43]

21. Smirky was hunting in the woods;

a Secret Service agent was with him. They come to a clearing and the middle of it was this beautiful woman. She was nakkid and giving them the eye. Smirk tells the agent to go ask her if she's game. Agent does, comes back and tells him, "Yes she is, Mr President." Smirky shot her.

(Yes it would work better as a Cheney joke.)

[A HERETIC I AM]

22. Cheney is walking through the forest when he comes to a river

He looks for a place to cross and there isnt one. Then he sees Chimpy on the other side.

"Hey George!" he shouts, "How do i get to the other side?"


"You ARE on the other side" says shrubster

on edit to say someone else beat me to it.....and i thought i read the thread too!

[RedG1]

23. Dumbya and Pickles were attending church services...

about halfway through she leans over and says, "I just let out a silent fart. What do you think I should do?"

He replied, "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."

[giant_robot]

24. Dubya and Cheney are at the ranch in Crawford...

...early in the morning, Dubya packs up his trusty old pickup truck and heads out for a day of brush-clearin'. Later that afternoon, Dubya comes back to the ranch house, not with his pickup, but with a shiny new bike.

"Hey George, where'd you get the bike?" asks Cheney.

Beaming, Dubya replies, "Dick, you're never gonna b'lieve this! Ya see, I was out clearing brush, and this 'tractive blonde lady wearin' nothin' but a lacy black bra and panties rides up to me on this shiny new bike. Well, she gets off the bike, then she takes off the lacy black bra and panties and drops them on the ground. 'Take what you want!', she sez to me. The bra and panties didn't fit."

[Iniquitous Bunny]

25. George Bush was putting together a puzzle...

He said, "Wow, it only took me six months to finish. The box said 3-5 years."

[Iniquitous Bunny]

26. Someone asked George Bush, "What's the capitol of California?"

He said, "It's C. Duh!"

[Iniquitous Bunny]

27. George Bush is cooking a turkey for Thanksgiving.

Laura asks why it took him two days to cook it. George replies, "It says 15 minutes per pound and I weigh 180."

[bumblebee1]

28. The puzzle

One day, George W Bush was in the oval office working on a puzzle. He call Dick Cheney because he was having trouble putting the pieces together. He describes the puzzle as having a rooster on the front. Dick Cheney arrives at the Oval Office. He sees the mess on the President's desk and says: "For God's sake George, put the Corn Flakes back in the box."

[bumblebee1]

29. Why did George W Bush stare at the can of orange juice?

It said concentrate.

[Left_Winger]

30. Gore, Kerry, and Bush are out in the desert...

Gore has an umbrella for the shade it will provide, Kerry has the watermelon for its food and water content, but Bush has a car door. When Gore and Kerry ask Bush why he has the car door he replies, "Well, if it gets hot we can roll down the window."

[rug]

31. A hairdresser in a salon told a blonde

three Brazilian soldiers were called in Iraq ...

[Patiod]

32. So Bush and Cheney were out hunting and got lost

and got away from the Secret Service.

While they were lost, Bush accidentally shot Cheney and killed him. He uses his cell phone to call 911 and find out what to do until the Secret Service gets there.

"Uhm, Mr. President, first, be sure he's dead."

Then the 911 operator hears a shot, and the president comes back on the line.

"OK, I'm sure he's dead. Now what?"