I tried to relax and watch some TV, but got the bejezus scared out of me!!

TheProphetess

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Sat Apr-22-06 11:33 PM
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I tried to relax and watch some TV, but got the bejezus scared out of me!!

First, there's this freaking Animal Planet show about "Nature's Vampires" telling tales about these people getting bitten by things they didn't even know bit them (like these flies that bite you, lay their eggs inside of you, then they hatch and start freaking squirming around and shit under your skin, by the way). This guy didn't know what was going on, he's all itchy and can't sleep, and he's got these big ol' red patches all over his skin. Then, some tribal dude comes to him and rubs this ointment on the red spots (since these parasites apparently need holes in your skin to breathe or else they come to the surface) and then he spends like FOUR HOURS popping MAGGOTS out of each of the red patches - but like THREE maggots per red patch and he had something like NINETY red patches on his skin. Ok, so I'm totally grossed out and thinking, where's "The Planet's Funniest Animals" and shit like that?

So, next story is about this guy who gets bitten by a tick but, of course, didn't know it, and the tick leaves all of these parasites inside of his body and he freaking almost dies and shit and it's all graphic and gross. This was not in a foreign country or anything but just right in his home in Colorado while he slept. Almost killed him too.

Ok, the next story is about a guy who gets bitten by a "kissing bug" or two or twenty and they send him into anaphylactic shock and almost kill him. Of course, he didn't know he was bitten by those bugs either. Nature's freaking vampires. Yeah, it was a relaxing evening in front of the tube.

The logical question is why not change the channel, you freak? So, I was thinking the same thing very early on in this television show. So, I did. I changed to Discovery (I'm pretty sure that's what the channel was). Guess what - that show was about how these people moved into a house that was haunted and how they were tortured, possessed, assaulted, etc., etc., etc. so that didn't really help me feel any calmer. Oh, by the way, these were ATHEISTS! They didn't believe in possession and exorcisms and all of that.

I didn't like to open that door, so I go back to Animal Planet because I keep thinking about how I need to know the symptoms of bites from these bugs that creep into our homes at night and bite us while we sleep and I just can't stop watching for fear that I'm going to miss some important life-saving information. (Picture me in the ER with someone who has the symptoms and the doc's are all baffled and I save the day with my Animal Planet knowledge by diagnosing the rare infestation - The Prophetess to the rescue! Ha!) So, I am now wide awake, for fear of the nightmares that will most definitely haunt my slumber tonight about demonic bugs that will infest my skin and will require an exorcism to save my life (or something like that). Fun times.

Give me the freaking Surreal Life ANY DAMN DAY.