Am I antisocial?

[Bertha Venation]

I feel put out if I can't go to lunch alone with a book. I work with several fabulous people and am asked to share informal lunches from time to time, and I always feel like I am being antisocial when I decline -- which is usually.

I don't feel like others are inconveniencing me when asking for my time. I feel honored that they want to spend time with me, and, frankly, a little surprised.

One of my best informal pals and I plan to have lunch together tomorrow. She wants a weight-loss buddy, and I don't know how to tell her "no." I have the desire to lose, but not the skill, and I can't let another person depend on me for support when I can't follow through myself. I'll keep this lunch date because I need to say "no" face to face.

But I swear, there are SO FEW people I'd rather lunch with than just eat my salad & read my book. Most of them are on the west coast of the U.S. It's not the other people. It's me & the book. I want to be alone and read at lunch.

Looking for your opinions. Am I antisocial?

[NightTrain]

1. If you are, then so am I

And considering how painfully uninteresting most people are, that's not necessarily a bad thing! :hi:

[XanaDUer]

2. My personal experience...

a book is usually better company than 99% of humans out there.

[La_Serpiente]

3. If you don't want to be her exercise buddy

then tell her no in a polite fashion. You have the choice of doing what you want to do with your life.

You like to read? Well, do you read so much that you don't have time for anything else? Do you spend time with your family? Do you try to go out with your friends at least once or twice a month?

Just asking questions.

[Bertha Venation]

7. Ask away.

My family and all my close friends are in Southern California. Since moving here I've made no friends. (I don't get it, either.) Kathy has some friends but we never do anything with any of them except her best friend (ex), who lives an hour away so I'm not crazy about doing things in her neck of the woods -- and she's allergic to cats.

Ask away, La S.

[La_Serpiente]

9. Reading books is a good thing

plain and simple. But don't you want to talk to someone where you are? Just for the sake of talking? You don't have to make "goody good" with this excercising buddy. It can be someone else. However, I always like to keep one friend around. You don't need to talk to he/she everyday. Just someone to talk to. Talk about politics, culture, or just for the hell of it, OR go to the movies. You can even go alone if you want. Get a book buddy. My friends and girlfriends used to have a Breakfast Book Reading club where we would do reviews of books and tell what we liked and disliked about them.

just some ideas. :-)

[Bertha Venation]

14. Good ideas.

I left home (So. Cali. & my lifelong hometown of Huntington Beach), my sisters, their kids, my best friend Dale, and thirty of the coolest people on the planet, my compadres in the South Coast Chorale (along with the extremely busy and rewarding social/performing life I had therewith) -- to move to the DC area to marry the love of my life. I've never looked back and I have no regrets. This is where I belong.

But I'm lonesome and having a hard time with it. Yet I don't want to do anything with anyone.

:shrug: Maybe it's time for a new antidepressant. Dammit, if my therapist had just moved out here with me! But she's stubborn.

[supernova]

4. I hear you Bertha

I usually prefer a book at lunch also.

[buddhamama]

5. i am

so i'm probably not the best person to answer this question.

i feel the same as you, though.

[ant]

6. introverted, maybe?

http://www.theatlantic.com/issues/2003/03/rauch.htm

What is introversion? In its modern sense, the concept goes back to the 1920s and the psychologist Carl Jung. Today it is a mainstay of personality tests, including the widely used Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. Introverts are not necessarily shy. Shy people are anxious or frightened or self-excoriating in social settings; introverts generally are not. Introverts are also not misanthropic, though some of us do go along with Sartre as far as to say "Hell is other people at breakfast." Rather, introverts are people who find other people tiring.

[Bertha Venation]

13. WOW

This describes me in part, but WOW, this is Kathy to a T! It explains a lot. Thank you.

[Rainbowreflect]

8. I am the same way at work.

I have a stressful job and at lunch I want to be alone. If it is nice I will go for a walk alone. If not I will close my office door & read and/or come to DU.

[NicoleM]

10. Are you happy?

If you're happy hanging out with a book instead of people, I don't see anything wrong with that.

[Bertha Venation]

16. Yes, Nicole. I'm happy. :)

Forgot to answer this earlier.

But in my reply to La S, I found a clue to part of my current angst -- "left behind an extremely busy and rewarding social/performing life." (I can't believe how much I miss performing.) Big fat duh. Besides the one that's been obvious from the day I left: missing my family.

Anyway, thanks to all who weighed in. Other comments welcome.

[dweller]

11. No, not antisocial

you are never alone with a book.
As mentioned above, introverts are more likely to draw rich sense-data and stimulus from their surroundings and are more likely to withdraw from social/environment due to the overload on the brain and consciousness.

enjoy your book and your lunch,
dp

[Spider Jerusalem]

12. No.

I'm pretty much the same way. It's not "antisocial", it's "asocial". Big difference.

I'm pretty happy being inside my own head most of the time; I don't need that much in the way of external social stimulation. And I see socialising for its own sake as being a little pointless...the people I'm most comfortable with are those with whom I have enough shared intellectual interests that we can actually have serious conversations instead of engaging in empty banter. And I've gotten to a point where I've realised that this is just who I am, and trying to be someone else for the sake of social acceptability and not being thought "strange" just makes me miserable, so I don't do it anymore.

[soleft]

15. not anti social

During the day there are constant demands on your time. Wanting some time to yourself is not only cool, it's healthy.