It's the holidays, my gramma is dying and my boss is an ass.

[Sal316]

Forgive me if I'm a bit disjointed, but our family is losing one of our matriarchs. My mom's mom, after suffering for years with Alzheimers, has begun to give up the fight. We got a call from my Uncle this weekend that her systems are shutting down and they were putting her on morphine to ease her pain. The doctor gives her maybe 3 more weeks, based on her rate of decline.

We've all known this was eventually going to happen, but you can never be fully prepared for this. Mom is going to go to Michigan when the time is close and the rest of us will follow for the funeral.

I really wasn't in the 'holiday spirit' to begin with, but this clinches it. I know I should finish decorating the house for the kids, but there's a very real possibility that I won't be with my kids on Christmas. I feel awful for Mom not only because it's her Mom, but that her birthday is the 21st and will now be a reminder.

Top it all off (and here's where the assboss comes in), my assboss strolls in at 8:30 like usual and I trudge down to his office to give him some sort of notice of what's going on. He actually has the gall to say to me "Well, maybe you won't have to leave until the holiday comes, and you won't have to take bereavement leave."

Fuck you, you fat stupid ignorant tactless sonofabitch!

Just an "Okay" would have been fine...maybe an "I'm sorry". Some semblance of humanity in that wallowing pile of whale blubber.

God I need a drink.

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

1. My thoughts are with you and family

and just flip the bird to your boss .

[Sal316]

2. Thanks, CP...

We've started calling him SBK
Short Bus K*******

No offense to ShortBusPresident!

[GOPisEvil]

3. Your boss is an ass. Probably a "compassionate" conservative.

You and your family will be in my thoughts. It's never a good time to deal with the loss of a family member, but at this time of year, it's doubly painful.

Take care.

Oh, and to your boss: "Fuck off, you cold, heartless, miserable excuse for a human being!"

[Sal316]

4. Thanks David.

And you know what.. he is. He's a RushRobot. Says I'm the 'radical' in the department.

Fuking ass.

[prolesunited]

5. I'm so sorry

You'll get through it and we're all here if you need us. :hug:

[Sal316]

8. Thank you so much.

I seriously debated about posting today, but I realized I just need a (some) friend(s) right now.

:hug:

[Lars39]

6. I'm sorry, Sal316.

I don't know the ages of your kids, but Christmas coming early might be the answer. We had to do this 2 yrs ago, just so we would have some family time in an uncertain time frame like you are facing.:hug:

[Sal316]

9. They are young... 8 and 5.

I told them this morning that my nana is really sick and they'll probably be going to spend some time with their Mom (my ex). If it comes to that they'll get their presents, since I'm already done shopping.

Thanks Lars, so much.

[msanger]

7. my wife died just after Christmas

11 years ago. She hung on till after the holiday, at least that is how it seemed to me. Maybe your grandmother will do the same.

I understand being furious with your *sswhole boss, and with the whole world for that matter.

Just my unaksed for 2 bits - make a real effort to pay attention to your mom.

My prayers (buddhist though they be) are with you and your family.

[Sal316]

10. Thanks MsAnger.

All thoughts accepted, no need to worry. Personally, I have a fascination with eastern philosophy/theology, so buddhist prayers are gladly accepted.

I spent most of the weekend with Mom and the girls and I are going over for dinner tonight. She's holding up, but barely.

[buddhamama]

11. your boss is a major ass !

i am sorry, Sal. these things are never easy, even when you are expecting them. I lost my grandfather to Alzheimers two yrs ago, and although he had spent yrs in a care facility, it broke my heart when he finally passed.

My thoughts are with you and your family.

:hug:

[Sal316]

13. Thanks buddhamama.

She's been in a care facility for years, too. It's the long, drawn out decline that's unbearable.. feeling helpless sucks.

:hug:

Thanks again.

[MoonAndSun]

12. Dear Sal316, I am sending my thoughts and prayers out to you

and your family.

And know that your boss will pay for his meanness in some way, people like him always do even though we may not see it for ourselves.

From a fellow DUer and Arizonan,



MoonAndSun

[Sal316]

14. Thanks MoonAndSun

I believe in karma and he will get his. Maybe from me if he doesn't watch it today.

:hug:

[chookie]

15. Take care

I lost my mother to Alzheimer's just over a year ago.

It sounds like you have quite a burden -- your own grief, helping your mom with hers, being a good mom to young children with a major holiday coming up, AND working for a sadistic piece of shit.

The good news is that after probably years of suffering, your grandma is now peacefully slipping away. At times like this, the strategy is to make the person as comfortable as possible, and morphine at this time is a blessing. Death is not an adversary -- St Francis, who through most of his life suffered terrible pain, welcomed it as "Brother Death." It's nothing to fear. My mother had a beautiful death, and we were most fortunate in that, and I wish you the same.

I am sorry to hear that at this time of sadness, when you need all your strength to get by, and will benefit to find a spiritual focus to cope with the end of a life -- that you got a kick in the teeth by that bastard you work for. Unfortunately, I hear stories like that all the time. You have every right to feel anger, but here's a suggestion: As I said above -- you need to operate in a spiritual plane at this time. Anger impedes it. Your boss has committed a sin of ignorance. He's clueless. He's lost in the world. He's totally cut off from the deeper meanings of life. He is enslaved by pettiness and meanness. He's terrified of death, of uncertainties, of certainties. He's doomed to darkness because he has no guts. He can't cope with the idea of death -- hence his callous, thoughtless remark. At essence, it is this tragic ignorance which was the source of his remark. Offer him a thought of compassion for his blind ignorance, and hope that some day he can understand that what he did was wrong, and that his eyes will be open to the suffering of others, for some day it is he that is going to suffer. We aren't responsible for other people's karma, but we are for our own. To react well to this act of cruelty will be a beautiful liberating thing at a time of dramatic transformation in your life. Rise above his meanness and pettiness.

My two cents. And my love and very best wishes to you and your family at this difficult time.

[Sal316]

17. Thank you so much chookie.

Your words brought a tear to my eye this morning... I'm speechless.

Thank you so very much.
:hug:


btw.. I can't be a good Mom... I'm a Dad.
;)

[flamingyouth]

16. I'm so sorry for you and your family

Your boss is truly an ass, BTW. I am a boss myself, and I would NEVER in a million years ever say something like that to someone working for me. Criminy!

The holidays are hard - seems to me that all of our miseries are magnified this time of year.

All my best to you~

[Sal316]

18. Thank you flamingyouth

:hug:

[Zomby Woof]

19. I am so sorry Sal!

My condolences to you and your family. :-(

Your boss obviously doesn't know he lives less than 3 hours away from the dreaded ZombyWoof, and he will get his ass kicked royally for his attitude!

[Sal316]

20. Thanks ZW.

Flag sure is beautiful when it snows, isn't it?

Who knows, maybe this year I'll get lucky and get to go skiing up at Snowbowl.

:hug:

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

21. Wow really sorry to hear this

and having your boss be so cold has to be a slap in the face. You'll be in my thoughts, Christian.

[Sal316]

22. Thanks Teena.

It was... but I've come to expect nothing less from him.

:hug:

[salin]

23. Even when expected...

even when on a level it is a relief to the loved one who is suffering... it is still difficult when the time grows near. It is very hard to prepare for this, as hard as one might try.

A small word of advice, for whatever it is worth... When you go, bring a few items with you that bring memories of your Nana in better times, perhaps encourage other families to do the same. Then when you join together, to bring strength to your mother and to each other, you hold on and share the memories of your Nana in her full capacity - and you can bask in the warmth of those memories, while you grieve (we can both mourn and celebrate at the same time - which, imo, gives us more resources when we are again alone in our mourning, in terms of thoughts to dwell on and to recenter our sadness.) If you are able to go to Michigan, while she is still alive - I would still do this, but do some of the sharing of memories - in her presence. Her current mind may not recognize it - but I believe a part of her will, and will be comforted that she lives on in her healthy stage in the minds of her loved ones.

Sorry to hear that the classless boss opened his mouth to express such a stupid sentiment. Don't you love it when these folks try to claim some kind of moral high ground? Right - only when the morals are those of a sewer rat. Here's a retort: "So glad to see you are working hard to emulate that 'compassionate conservatism' - sort of reminds all within earshot about what that exactly means... compassion for the big corporation and none for the humans working to make a profit for the entity."

[Sal316]

25. Thanks Salin.

Mom's side of the family has been to hell and back a number of times. If any of us are close, it's all of us grandkids.

It won't be easy, but together we'll make it through.

:hug: for my friend.

Christian

[bicentennial_baby]

24. Big Hugs for Sal!

Sorry to hear about your troubles...keep your chin up and know we're here if you need us!

:hug:

[Sal316]

26. Thanks baby!

LOL!

That just brought a smile to my face.

DU'ers are the greatest... we really are family.

:hug:

[SiouxJ]

27. So sorry Sal

It really sucks when things like this happen, expecially around the holidays when everyone else seems to be so happy. I'll have you in my thoughts.

:hi:

[Sal316]

28. Hi Sioux!

Thanks for popping in and saying a few words. I've missed you around here and hope you're doing well.

:hug:

Christian

[geniph]

29. While your boss was apparently raised by wolves,

he may have actually been trying, in his pathetic short-bus way, to say something comforting - "well, maybe you won't have to take UNPAID bereavement leave, but will be able to ruin your holiday by having the funeral then."

Hmmm. Come to think of it, even if that is what he meant, he's still a dick. You know, it's a good idea, if one doesn't know what to say under such circumstances, to just say "I'm so sorry" and leave it at that! Man's obviously an idiot.

I'm sorry about your grandmother. I never knew either of mine...that's what happens when you're the youngest of 13, the grandparents are long since gone by the time you come along. My husband lost his mother just after the holidays a couple years ago, and that was very hard for him.

May her passing be peaceful, and may she live on in your memories.

[Sal316]

30. Thanks Geni.

In his own 'shortbus' way.

Best. Deragatory. Nickname. Ever.

Bereavement leave is paid, fortunately. Since I'll be travelling I get 5 days. Better than nothing.

[Raven]

31. My father died on New Year's Eve three years ago and

at the time I thought that the holidays would never be right again. What I have found is that at this time of year, thinking of him and congering up his image, particularly at holiday parties, makes me smile. One thing about people who pass away at holiday times...you never forget them and they can make you grateful for those you love who are still with you.

[Sal316]

33. My favorite holiday memory of nana.

I was young, maybe 8-9 and we were leaving Gram's house on Christmas Eve. Gram had been drinking, as most Pollacks do, and when she came outside to say g'bye she lost her teeth and they fell in the snow. It was a massive search and rescue operation to find them.

Thanks Raven, and tell Will I said hello.

[Amaya]

32. Take care... and I'm here for you

I'm truly very sorry about what your family is going through Christian. Getting through this will be very difficult, but your family is strong and wonderful. If anyone can get through something like this I know your family will. You know I'm always here for you. My thoughts are with you and your family.
I will talk to you later today.. But I just wanted to give you a big :hug: Take care! And please don't take to heart what your soulless boss says or does. The best thing you can do is to just have pity on the poor bastard.

Always, Am

[Sal316]

34. Hey Am.

Thanks for your kind words. You really are a great friend.

I will talk to you later tonight after we get home from Moms.

Christian

[nini]

35. :-( so sorry to hear about your Nana..

Grandmas are the best and so hard to let go. I'll be keeping all of you in my prayers.. . even your boss.. sounds like he needs it the most.

:hug:

[Sal316]

36. Thanks nini.

..and a big :hug: right back to you.

[salin]

37. kick for the night crowd

:kick:

[eileen_d]

38. My grandma also has Alzheimers

and your boss sounds just like the last boss I had. I don't think my grandma is in the late stages of her disease yet, but any stage of Alzheimers is tough. And then to have this happen during the holiday season just adds another layer of emotions, eh?

Here's a hug... take care of yourself :hug:

[brook]

39. The anniversary...

of my mom's death was a couple of days ago. It does make the holiday rough in some respects...but I find I smile a lot more as the years go by. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this now - and with such a short bus boss too...but fark him. His karma's waiting.

Take care of yoourself. Do what you need to do - for yourself, your Mom, your children, your Nana. The world will stay on it's axis no matter what sbb thinks.

My son's name is Christian. He's a great guy too. I'll keep you in my daily conversations with that higher power/great unknown/God/Goddess.

[Valerie5555]

40. From 1 person who lost a Grandmother to Alzheimers (on their mom's side)

to another, that is sad or :( nonetheless and it was a bummer you are stuck with a real "gobble gobble" or turkey for a boss.


Since my Grandma died in July 2001, I had been lucky in a sense for the Christmas holidays that year may have kind of been more the "hellidays" in a sense since I was still trying to come to terms with a certain darned terrorist incident that happened in New York or New Yawk or the "incidents" of September 11 2001 aka the new "day of infamy."

On edit With apologies to the Broadway playwrights who created the play "The Fantasticks," maybe NY'ers should have a song called "Let Us Remember The Eleventh Of September," to the tune of "Try To Remember The Kind Of September."