Toilet-Paper Puppies in Hell

[MountainLaurel]

A discourse from Mark Morford on "training toilet paper" and other joys of consumer information.

I am, as far as I know, without child. I am without the stress and hardship and struggle, the joy and the bliss and the tenderness, the vomit and the screaming and the poop.

Hence, I have never had to deal with the whole toilet-training issue, never had to potty-train anything more challenging than my family's black Labrador retriever and that basically entailed letting him outside when he whined and letting him back in when he barked. I understand children, unfortunately, are not quite so easy.

I understand there can be, shall we say, complexities -- ropes, pulleys, begging, threats, Ritalin, gunfire -- involved in getting your tot to learn to use the bathroom facilities properly. Or, more specifically, to learn to use toilet paper properly, without yanking out 20 feet every time and wasting a whole roll and clogging up the bathroom pipes and forcing mom and dad back to the vodka and therapy and a deep reconsideration of having another child ever again.

Thank goodness, help has arrived. Thank goodness assistance is available in the form of happy TP manufacturers who wish to sell you more toilet paper aimed directly at your toilet-confused child. Oh my yes.

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/gate/archive/2006/04/26/notes042606.DTL&nl=fix