My vile abusive ex-brother in law died Friday. Should I sign the online

[Thtwudbeme]

guest book?

His obit mentions how much he loved his dog...lemme tell ya, that dog was the only living creature this sorry assed son of a bitch ever "loved," and I don't know that he did--he might have just liked having a creature around that he could constantly tell what to do.

He treated my nephew like shit to the very bloody bitter end; three weeks before his death requested a meeting with him indicating that he still had some of our family heirlooms and would give them back after 15 years IF my nephew "acted right." The kid is now 24 years old, and hated him for all the abusive shit he had to witness as a child. Doug called me after that meeting to ask me what I thought this son of a bitch had, and I said, "Not a fucking thing that is worth your feeling bad; tell him to go to hell, and that aunt says "hi." "

Now I read his obit in the newspaper talking about how "well respected" this stalker, this emotional criminal was. And I can barely keep my fingers off the keyboard to attempt to tell my families side of the "story," in such a way that the obit editors won't catch it.

I am glad he's gone; I didn't realize that when someone that bad died that they don't take the hate with them.

[NewWaveChick1981]

1. Don't sign the guestbook

That would acknowledge his existence. Don't give him the satisfaction, even though he's dead. You won't truthfully be able to say anything good, and you would be taking the high road by not saying anything.

I'm glad that chapter is closed for your family's sake.

[kedrys]

2. I wouldn't

No respects of any kind should be paid to such a beast, IMO, not even an online guest book.

[mrbill]

3. rise above it.

n/t

[CaliforniaPeggy]

4. If I were in your place, I'd write.......

Something that would release my anger.....

But I'd do it privately, and then burn or otherwise destroy it.......

That's what I'd do.

What an awful man. I'm glad you don't have to endure him any more.....

[khashka]

5. Don't sign it.

By not signing.... you make a statement.

And don't keep your fingers off the keyboard. Tell your family's side of the story. That's called fairness, that's called balance. And it can be cathartic to finally just speak the truth.


I'm kinda in the opposite situation. My sister is dead. Her abusive husband is still alive. I have no intention of shutting up! Nor should you.

I'm sorry. This is a very emotional issue for me. But, we've crossed swords a couple times, and I know you won't do the wrong thang. You trashed me - but not unfairly. So I know your nephew needs you and I know you will be there....


Khash.

[graywarrior]

6. Support the kids.

My dad was a bastard, and I heard about it from everyone after he died. I was pissed at him for years, but hearing it from other people pissed me off more. Don't go there. Karma's a bitch and you'll really hurt your nephew more than you know.

[Harley Quinn]

7. Don't...

I've had the same conflict. Really nasty people die and suddenly they're saints.

Not to be disrespectful, but my Grandmother passed last year. She was a truly hateful woman. Both she and my Grandfather abused my Dad physically growing up. My grandfather split and my grandmother "took up" with anything on two feet and drank herself stupid every night. These "boyfriends" also took shots at my Dad until he was big enough to stand up for himself. He grew up with a lot of issues, some of which made our lives growing up difficult. Thankfully, my Mom's family is the big Irish Clan-type! Super-supportive of my Dad and his constant trials with his family. He's still working through alot of the garbage, but he was there for his mom through the very end.

During her service, you would have thought this woman walked on water. The preacher had known her for two months. I went and helped every way I could for my Dad, but never signed the guest book or made any other contributions that didn't directly benefit my Dad.

I think it's strange how we feel the need to glorify in death those we couldn't tolerate in life. I chalk it up to guilt.

[Rabrrrrrr]

8. Yeah, give him hell. Or just write "Good".

Speak the truth - I think it's very important to speak the truth, including the truth about what an evil bastard someone was, even if they've died. I hate that "Can't speak ill of the dead" mantra. Bullshit - you CAN speak ill of the dead if they deserve it; and even the good people, it's okay to talk about their dark sides - we all have them.

And sometimes, someone is truly such a bastard that it requires someone being honest about it and saying "No, actually, this death is worth celebrating. All our lives will be better without him/her."

[rug]

9. Write you're simply there to verify.

[Callalily]

10. Your hate will not be

released going public with his story. Please find a different way to let go of your anger. Then and only then can you begin to heal.

I truly hated my dad for many years. It took me a long time to get rid of my anger, but it's gone, and I feel much better. That control is gone. Now mind you, I'll never like my dad, I'll never respect him, but he's history from my heart and my mind.