My brother ran away

[dsc]

As some of you know my brother is a practicing alcoholic while I have been sober for somewhat over three years. It has been over two years since I have seen him but I do hear things from time to time. It seems he got married, then took the wedding money to West Virginia and gambled it away. He stayed there for several weeks and now won't come back since he lost his job. This disease sucks so bad. Everytime I hear about his latest misadventure I think of the fact it could easily be me (well not the wedding part). The ironic thing is growing up he was the strong one (at least physically). He was a star athlete and I was picked last in gym all the time. Sometimes life just sucks.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

1. Really sorry to hear that

I hope he contacts you and that you are able to get through to him. I know you to be a compassionate person. I wish you the best.

[Dookus]

2. I'm sorry to hear that....

as the official "black sheep" of my family. Remember it's not easy or fun for him, despite appearances. I hope it all works out well for you and your family.

[rbnyc]

3. So sorry dsc.

That hurts. Looks like we need lots of hugs in the Lounge tonight.

[Cha]

4. There is hope....my sister was lost for two

years and has been found in National City, Ca. From her letters and a phone call I had with her..she seems like she is on the road to recovery.

I'm very sorry for your brother and the path he is on. Hopefully, he will work through this and realize what a gift "life" really is.
Sometimes we have to hit bottom a few times to never want to do it again.:hug:

[brook]

5. Don't know what to say...

so I'll just send a few {{{dsc}}}'s your way and keep a good thought. I hope that your brother will find his way back as you have done. I know it must hurt.

[whathappened]

6. it's a hard road to see

i too wasted alot of years of my life and the time in my life when i should have excelled in making a good living and gaining a hell of a lot more money then i have these days , drinking and pot kept me under the lazy mode for alot of years befor i finally woke up one day and my best working days were gone , and then i fell and hurt my back and now i can no way perform any work to make enought money for my so called golden years , please try and reach out to him befor it is to late , we no not what tommorow will bring us in life , i learned the hard way

[dsc]

7. Thanks

I just wish that things were different but know that there isn't much I can do. He has been in rehab quite a few times and it hasn't worked. I also wish my feelings weren't mixed with the selfish ones of fear that it could be me. I think any alcoholic does that to some extent though. This disease will kill him soon if he doesn't get help of that I am sure.

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

9. That's the biggest problem, is that you worry that you can be

next. Same DNA, same upbringing, same disease process.

I know. Believe me I know. I have a brother who has not been heard from for almost 7 years now.

It hurts sometimes when the kids are visiting my wife's brothers and sisters, and my oldest says to me, Daddy, why don't we see your brother?

But, we carry on. As best we can.

That is all you can do. Give him space, hopefully he will call.

[dsc]

10. Thanks

I am hoping to hear from him but know it isn't something I can really control.

[Swede]

8. It's a horrible affliction.

It is very tough to get off.

[Cheswick2.0]

11. I am so sorry, I too have family members who are addicted

Several in fact. It is hard to watch a sibling screw up particulary if they were the older stronger one. You think "if they can't make it, how can I".
It also sucks to have parents or children who are addicted. When it is your child you would give anything to change places with them and gladly die if you knew for certain they could then go on happy and healthy. In any case there is not a damn thing you can do but pray they find the strength they need to change.
I hope this time your brother's "bottom" is so deep he never wants to go there again.

[dsc]

12. so do I

I have my doubts but I also can't really have any idea due to the loss of contact. It's ironic in that for a long time I would have killed to have what he had. He was popular and athletic. I was unpopular and un athletic. Now I wouldn't trade places for anything.

[Cheswick2.0]

15. the only thing that keeps me from going over the edge

is knowing I have no control over my addicts (plural)or their situation. I give it over to a higher power. It works for me.

[skibunny4dean]

13. That really sucks

Im sooooo sorry :(

[Mikimouse]

14. Very sorry dsc, it has to be tough

knowing that there is really very little you can do. Of the three males in my family, two are practicing alcoholics and in complete denial. They don't understand (and don't want to understand) what sobriety means. I hope that your brother gets into recovery, and will pray that he does.

[Loonman]

16. I think it's called "functioning alcoholic"

"Practicing alcoholic" sounds like alcoholism is a religion.

[dsc]

19. No

A functioning alcoholic is a person who is an alcoholic but holds down a job, pays his bills, etc. A practicing alcoholic is a person who acts like an alcoholic (ie drinks to excess etc.)

[BigMcLargehuge]

17. Jeez dsc, you have my sympathies

I am the oldest of three, and even with all of us in our 30's I feel responsible for their well being. If one of my brothers were in the same situation as your brother I'd be obligated by my personality to go and retreive him, no matter how hard.

Alcoholism is a pernicious and evil disease. I hope things eventually turn around for him, and that you keep your strength and focus.

on edit, spelled dsc's name correctly

[maxanne]

18. sorry to hear this, dsc

Alcoholism is a terrible illness.

In my 14 years of recovery I have learned a few (only a few!) things.
One is - we can't second guess the disease or the recovery process. Why you got sober and not him is a question that can't really be answered - except that you had the desire to stop and he hasn't had it yet. He has not yet fully experienced his bottom.

You have no control over what he does. All you can do is pray for him. I sure hope he gets it. In the meantime, the best thing you can do is keep on doing the next right thing - trudging along the road to happy destiny - and being a power of example.

I sure hope he gets it, dsc.