Report: Poor People Pretty Much Fucked

[Pale Blue Dot]

WASHINGTON—According to the results of an intensive two-year study, Americans living below the poverty line are "pretty much fucked," Center for Social and Economic Research executive director Jameson Park announced Monday.

"Although poor people have never had it particularly sweet, America has long been considered the land of opportunity, where upward class mobility is hard work's reward," Park said. "However, our study shows that limited access to quality education and a shortage of employment opportunities in depressed areas all but ensure that, once fucked, an individual tends to stay fucked."

According to U.S. Census Bureau statistics, 34.6 million Americans were living below the poverty line in 2002.

"Not only are the down-and-out fucked, but the number of down-and-out fucks is growing," Park said. "Conditions of disadvantage are often passed from one generation to the next, making it especially difficult for young people to emerge from the cycle of poverty."

http://www.theonion.com/3948/news1.html

[Zomby Woof]

1. The Onion!

Where reality and satire merge only to become indistinguishable.

[Ellen Forradalom]

2. One of the few sources of news left in the country

along with the Daily Show.

[Blue-Jay]

3. "once fucked, an individual tends to stay fucked"

Isn't that one of Newton's Laws?

[grannylib]

4. Sure seems to be

[nickgutierrez]

5. I would call it Rove's Law

[geniph]

6. I'm not even sure the Onion is satire anymore

just really bluntly-stated home truths!

[PVnRT]

7. I thought the Onion was satire

n/t

[KensPen]

8. you are all

a bunch of potty mouths.....

I'm getting the Life Bouy.

[Deja Q]

9. If hard work was rewarded, we'd be flipped!

The lower and middle classes living in luxury while the upper class would be struggling in misery.

And if the poor would stop attacking each other and attack the wealthy instead...

[CanuckAmok]

10. "You're fooing youself!"

"...Supreme executive power should come from a mandate from the masses, not some farcical aquatic ceremony..."