What's a funny joke to play on a Culinary Teacher

[corarose]

We have to make three appetizers for our final. I was thinking about making some pizza rolls and canned cheese on a Ritz cracker but I can't think of a third one to make.

What would you make as a joke for the 3'rd one?

He loves to laugh and whoever posted that bologna picture on DU. I hate to break it to you but it is on the wall at our College showing students what they shouldn't do when they plate food.

[GOPisEvil]

1. Vienna sausages with colored toothpicks.

:7

[corarose]

4. I could put some BBQ sauce next to them

LOL

[Scimmio]

10. colored fringe, yes?

I do so hope you were suggesting proper Frilly Toothpicks, not just some low class, cheap dyed toothpicks...I mean, one should only take a joke so far...

[corarose]

11. Jesus Christ Thank You

Damn what a good Idea I would have forgotten the toothpicks.

Thanks

[coralrf]

26. I ate them once when I was 7

puked. I still puke when I think of crap like that....

[JVS]

2. Peanut butter and celerey

[corarose]

3. Ants on a log?

:kick:

[trackfan]

5. Something with Spam! n/t

[aquart]

53. Thousands of Hawaiian Spam recipes.

Islanders got to like it during the war.

[soothsayer]

6. if they have to taste it, put alum instead of powdered sugar on a donut

or something (ok, i guess that's not appetizer-like)

Folks use alum in pickling. It will give you a SERIOUS dry-mouth pucker sort of effect, without hurting you. try it!

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

31. Mini Smores

1 section of a hershey bar, one mini marshmallow between Two Teddy Grahams... nuke them in the microwave

you'll get a 100!

[DuctapeFatwa]

7. Mashed potatoes and gravy in a Sundae glass

Tell them it is vanilla ice cream with caramel sauce.

[Sequoia]

8. Something made out of Spam

Laugh if you will but thin sliced broiled spam with fried sliced potatoes are tasty. Throw on spices and make it real good. Great for camping too.

[TlalocW]

9. If you want to go for wackiness

You can always make a bleeding valentine heart jello cake from Penn and Teller's book, "How to Play with Your Food." I took it to work on Valentine's Day because we made it a "food day," and my manager really thought it was cute until I offered her the first slice and cut out a piece with my biggest kitchen knife. She looked at me strangely, and then she looked back at the heart and noticed it was oozing edible blood. I was known as the Gross Gourmet.

Some brave souls tried it and asked what the blood was made out of. Only one gagged when I replied, "Red ink."

TlalocW

[corarose]

12. I want Tacky food

The kind that people would say hey that's trailer park food girlfriend.

I am not knocking trailer parks I have some cousins that live in them down south and they are beautiful.

[DuctapeFatwa]

13. Then you want candle salad

Take a pineapple ring, stick a half banana in it, put a glop of mayonnaise on the tip, and sink a cherry into the mayonnaise.

[corarose]

14. That would work for

My cold appetizer.


Thanks

[aquart]

55. Maraschino cherry.

[aquart]

54. Mini grilled American cheese sandwiches with the crust on?

[Spirochete]

15. Chocolate covered jalapenos

[corarose]

16. Your cruel

That's a good one I have to admit.

[coralrf]

27. Cora....they exist...

in parts of latin America the Chipoltle is covered in Cocoa and served with strong drink...

I had them in the Peruvian Andes and in a bar in San Jose, Costa Rica

[rucky]

17. Plastic dog doody

with colored toothpicks

[DuctapeFatwa]

32. ohhhh CHOCOLATE Dog Mistake!!

You can do it with chocolate fudge! Just make your fudge but when it's almost hard, make it in the shapr of little pupdog turds!

[short bus president]

18. Whoopee souffle? n/t

[kixot]

19. More spam ideas

You could carve a hunk of spam into a flower or bird of sorts, garnish it with melon slices and citrus for petals or wings.

[maveric]

20. Milk Bones with a salsa dip. n/t

[Robb]

21. Everyone's mentioning spam....

My drummer (back in the day) had "spam boats" at his wedding...

I don't recall the recipe, but there's pineapple involved, and the spam is not cooked..... eewww...

On edit: Here's a google cache with the recipe highlighted, although it seems very different from the spam boats I remember. ;)

[KFC]

22. Cat Food Dip

I did this in college. People ate it and did'nt even know.

Mix tuna cat food with french onion dip mix and sour cream. Save the can to show your friends after they eat it.

[corarose]

28. I feed Dog treats to my 8'th grade class

They didn't even know that it was Dog Candy.

[grasswire]

56. do you KNOW what's in canned cat food?

One of the regular ingredients is dead pets from animal shelters. Plastic collars and all. It goes in those cute Friskies special meals, too!

Read this web site and weep.

http://www.nexusmagazine.com/Petfood.html

[OneBlueSky]

23. ah, hell, go for broke . . .

a nice lime jello mold with whole Vienna sausages AND Spam chunks imbedded in it . . . Cool Whip AND barbeque sauce on the side . . . should be loverly . . . :)

[Rabrrrrrr]

24. Ooh, here's a popular Jell-O midwestern one from my family:

We served it as a "salad", but you could make an appetizer out of it.

Jell-O (use the orange, or the green, for extra tackiness), with a can of "fruit salad" and a bag of "mini marshmallows" and some chopped walnuts poured into it. Chill it in a tacky tupperware container, put whipped cream on top, and serve it by jamming a tablespoon into it for people to serve themselves.

This was always the "salad" I hated. I still cringe to think of those the absolutely grotesqueness of biting into those slightly soggy walnut pieces. Ewwwww.


To appetizer it, maybe you could FREEZE it in small portions in an ice tray, and put those frilly toothpicks in each "salad cube" before they fully freeze.

[corarose]

29. Hey, that was the fancy shit that my Mom use to serve us

:kick:

[Rabrrrrrr]

30. Yeah, and about ten million other midwesterners for whom

Jell-O is considered a "salad".

Yuck. I haven't had it in years, and you know what? I've never missed it. Not one stinking bit. :-)

[coralrf]

25. anything with a marshmello

or jello..or ...hot dogs..or... ketchup...

[ironflange]

33. Buy a tin of potted meat

Cut it into cubes {in a well-ventilated area) and pierce each one with a colored-cellophane-tipped toothpick. MMMMMMMMMMMMM!

[corarose]

34. That shit costs about .36 cents a can

Damn he would get a laugh out of that.

[DuctapeFatwa]

35. Oh you should make them some Angel Vomit

Cool whip, canned mandarin orange wedges, crushed pineapple, maraschino cherries. Dump all in bowl, mix up.

For appetizers, you could put a dollop into those little Pepperidge Farm Pastry shells, or for authentic White Trash Goodness, those little stubby flat on the bottom ice cream cones.

[Rabrrrrrr]

38. OMG! My family used to make that, too!

The cool whip, tangerine mess. YUCK! I had totally forgot about that.

Thanks for bringing back nightmares. That was another "salad" (because it counts for salad in WI) that I couldn't tolerate. Sometimes that crap was also served with mini marshmallows.

My God, we had some disgusting foods growing up.

[DuctapeFatwa]

40. How could I forget the tiny marshmallows? Thank you!

I can't claim this as a childhood food, but I have actually made it and served it to human beings, who astonishingly, ate it all up and many are still alive and healthy today. I especially love the name.

[DuctapeFatwa]

39. Fishstick/weinie kabobs - Fernandina Surf n Turf !!

Cut weinies and fish sticks into cubes, be sure and use really bad weiners, the ones that say "chicken franks" on the label, then alternate chunks on long toothpicks, and serve with a bowl of zesty Mustard n Ketchup Dip!

[CO Liberal]

36. Batter-Dipped/Deep-Fried Twinkies On a Stick

A big hit at the State Fair this year.......

Or White Castle Cheeseburgers.

[corarose]

37. They sell those on Damen & North Ave at a Hot Dog Stand

I have been meaning to stop in there and buy one.

[Rabrrrrrr]

41. And Hi-C, 7-Up, orange sherbet punch served in a plastic bowl

that looks like a crystal punch bowl, but has all the see through cheapness of bad plastic. The bowl should come with a faux-elegant ladle that slops liquid because it was injection molded so poorly the halves don't match up, and of course the matching set of 8 easily scratchable plastic mugs with faux-lead-crystal etchings in them that have handles that let them hang off the side of the punch bowl. I'd suggest you get the cups with the NASCAR logos, but that's just asking for them to be stolen or fought over.

Oh, there should also be a ring of ice floating in the punch bowl; preferably died green with food coloring to offer an appropriately Christmas set of coloring when contrasted with the red of the punch.

[DuctapeFatwa]

42. Cheeto-crusted tuna balls!

Crush cheetos to make a fine (!) flour, mix up some canned tuna, mayonnaise and sweet pickle relish, roll into balls and roll the balls in the cheeto flour till evenly coated. Put em on a greased cookie sheet and bake till golden brown!

[Rabrrrrrr]

43. Hate to say it, but I bet that's kinda good

sounds interesting!

[DuctapeFatwa]

44. Trust me, it's not

Granted I am an anti-Cheeto hardliner, but still...

[corarose]

48. That's gourmet

He would get a kick out of that because he us to be a Baseball Player.

[corarose]

47. Hey that's Whitetrash Wedding Punch

My Mom use to make it all of the time. It's in a recipe book called Whitetrash cooking and I love that cook book.

[Rabrrrrrr]

51. Can't tell you how many weddings and holiday meals we had that

particular drink. :-)

Sounds like our families are identical, food-wise!

And sounds like we both knew, somehow, that what we were being served was somehow not true to the possibilities of food, and thus we explored and entered the realm of extraordinary foodstuffs!

[scottcsmith]

45. Grapes

And then you act like they are really a dish of Chicken Vindaloo. You can bite into one and scream "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD THIS IS SO SPICY MY STOMACH IS GOING TO EXPLODE!" and then fall to the ground and make believe you're having an epileptic fit or a stroke. Everyone will get a good laugh and then you all can go out for Indian food afterwards!

[corarose]

49. GD'it I have a gummy worm hung in my throat right now

Thanks for the Idea.

[scarlet_owl]

46. When we were kids, my aunt used to make us

cream cheese rolled up inside beef salami. Mmmm.

[corarose]

50. Bingo

That's it!

[aquart]

52. You're being funny with your final?

How about peeled grapes in a large bra cup?

Wait. You're too young to know about Mae West, aren't you?

[corarose]

57. Who?

Hell no my Dad use to watch old reruns of WC Fields. I am 41 is that too old?

I have a serious final and I have my behind the scenes final during makeups for the two days that I have missed.

Culinary people are not like Accountants or Computer Programmers (Both I know what I am talking about because I have been there done that). Most and I say most who don't have major problems with attitudes like to joke around but when it comes to their kraft they are dead serious.

[alphafemale]

58. Lime Jello, Marshmallow, Cottage Cheese Surprise!

Found a recipe.

But there is also a song...So I raise the challenge to find the lyrics.

http://www.javaworld.com/jw-04-2000/advsax/example4-recipe.html

[corarose]

59. I give up

What's the song?