So, I'm thinking of getting an engagement ring (Ladies, help!)

[FlashHarry]

A long-time bachelor, I'm thinking of taking the plunge.

What are the guidelines vis-a-vis size, cut, clarity, etc? Does it have to be a carat or more? White gold or platinum? A traditionalist at heart, I think I'm leaning towards a round, one-carat diamond in a Tiffany-style solitaire setting. I'm just trying to swallow the concept of paying five grand for a friggin' rock!

Personally, I'd rather spend half that and buy her a nice Swiss wristwatch (a Jaeger le Coultre Reverso comes to mind). It's practical, pretty and I can justify its price due to the fact that it's hand-made by an artisan.

Who came up with the whole diamond thing, anyway? DeBeers? I'm suspicious that it's a hundred-year-old marketing ploy...

So, whadda ya think, ladies? Simple? Tasteful? Round or princess? Is bigger better, or are clarity and color more important?

[cprise]

1. If you must do diamonds...

get the certified Canadian ones:

http://canadian-diamonds.i8.com/

No evil cartel, and you'll contribute to the economy of a PEACE-loving nation!

[FlashHarry]

3. I'm planning on it.

No conflict diamonds, if I can help it.

[greatauntoftriplets]

2. Do you want it to be a total surprise?

If not, ask the lucky lady.

[SOteric]

5. I'm going to have to agree with the sound sense in this.

No diamond engagement ring from a man you love is a disappointment. But there is something a little less than perfect about getting an engagement ring that is the epitome of someone else's taste.

If nothing else, browse through some catalogues with her to get a feel for what sort of thing she prefers.

[BlackVelvetElvis]

7. I would ask...

Women are all over the map on this one.

[maxanne]

4. congrats, FlashHarry

An important consideration might be her taste. Does she wear yellow, or white gold? Does she like modern jewelry or antique?

I'd go round over princess. You'll have to decide about the size v. color/clarity thing. What about her politics? I wouldn't want anything DeBeers had a hand in.

I'd want an antique - from an estate sale maybe. But I'm a grumpy old feminist who will never get married again. ;-)

[FlashHarry]

6. Actually, I'm considering her taste--she doesn't like yellow gold.

I like the antique idea, though. Where does one look? Is the Internet out of the question? (It seems a bit cheesy to look for a ring on eBay.)

As to shape and setting, I figure if you're going to wear something for several decades, it shouldn't be too trendy.

[Stephanie]

16. Some jewelers carry antique rings

They call it "estate" jewelry. Check yellow pages, or ask around.

[Djinn]

8. depends on your girly

personally if my man EVER spent that much on a ring that I'd probably accidently drop down the sink I'd send him to a head doctor but then we live happily in sin and I can't see me ever getting married unless all our whitegoods need replacing at the same time.

that said make sure you check out the jewelry she REGULARLY wears and try for something in the same vein - color/carat/price shouldn't really come into it - she'll be marrying you not your bank balance - sounds like she has good taste I've always thought yellow gold looked cheap and tacky!

[Stephanie]

9. Get help

Have her sister or girlfriend go shopping with you. She'll know her taste. Simple is good, but that's me.

p.s. - Forget about the watch. Really bad idea.

[FlashHarry]

10. Yeah. I was kind of kidding about the watch...

Still, a diamond seems so impractical. But, I suppose that's really the point.

[Djinn]

22. I liked that idea

but then again I'm apparently not to good a litmus test of what other women would like

[cally]

11. Ask her and then pick out the ring

She will have to wear this the rest of her life. I know the movies and romantic stories show the man giving the ring. :eyes: Give her a token ring, a joke ring, and then look together for what you both want.

[Lefta Dissenter]

15. Great minds DO think alike!

I agree with the token ring idea - of the Cracker Jack box variety or something - and go together to pick it out.

My sister received a huge, honkin' diamond ring from her husband, and HATED IT! It was huge and plain and I don't think the diamond was very good quality, because it just looked dull. He probably could have spent the same or less and gotten something a bit more tasteful. And then she actually might have WORN it!

My husband and I like colored stones - blue sapphire on my left hand (ok, with some tiny diamonds) - and a pink sapphire with tiny diamonds on my right (it had been my mom's ring that she and my dad designed together and had made).

I say take the gal shopping!

edited to add: AND DO NOT SPEND MORE THAN YOU CAN AFFORD!!! IT'S A TOKEN OF YOUR LOVE AND COMMITMENT, NOT PROOF OF YOUR WILLINGNESS TO GO INTO DEBT FOR THE NEXT HUNDRED YEARS!!! There will be enough of that in the years to come!

[Ilsa]

12. Get her girlfriend or sister in on the deception

and let them do the research for you and report back.

And yes, please make sure no one had to die or lose a limb for her gemstones.

Keep in mind, it's about the marriage, not the diamond. I hope she will keep that in mind as well.

And congratulations to you Flash, in winning over a wonderful woman.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

13. Diamonds are nice....

but try going unique and getting an Emerald, which is the gemstone of love I believe. We're going to get Sapphire when we get engaged. Just think about her taste. And if you go design a ring yourself at a local jeweler, it will be hand made. My cousin has worked in jewelry for several years, and in fact is a GM of a store in New Orleans, where her new husband is a jeweler there. And it's big business, ring design.
Duckie

[Demobrat]

14. Why not go ring shopping together?

What could be more romantic (after you've asked her, of course)?

[Skittles]

17. DIAMONDS *SUCK*

that's my opinion

[angee_is_mad]

18. size doesn't matter

as far as a ring is concern anyway. It is better to get a smaller quality stone then a big cloudy one. So she doesn't wear yellow gold, does that mean she is into silver or white gold? Is she artsy or traditional?
With a round stone you can't go wrong. If she is into colored stones versus diamonds, you might want to get a colored diamond. If that is too expensive a colored gem-emerald, tanzanite, ruby etc. You could even buy a loose stone and go to a custom jeweler to put it in a setting for you. That way she would have a ring no one has. If you really like the antique look maybe the custom jeweler would be able to accommodate you.

[Punkingal]

19. Hi Flash...

Is it too early to say congratulations? I think clarity is better than big. But that's me. As for the shape, I know a lot of people have preferences, so maybe someone can sneakily find out for you what her preference is.

[flamingyouth]

20. Congrats to you and your beloved

She is lucky to have you.

I cherish the ring I got from my husband. It's a TINY diamond that was passed down through the family. I just wept when he gave it to me. Your love and commitment are what matter, not the size of some rock.

I celebrate your life together and wish you the best of luck! :toast:

[Gogi]

21. Forget the three months salary bit.

That's a con put out by DeBeers that the ring should cost three months salary. Go shopping with her for the ring and don't be surprised if she chooses a colored stone instead of a diamond. Colored stones are in courtesy of Princess Diana. Check out the streaming video on gemshopping.com or, if you can get it, Gem Shopping Network which is on channel 229 on Dish Network. They have a 30 day money back guarantee and sell a lot of neat antique and estate jewelry.

[kath]

23. I'm sure I'm in a very tiny minority of females,

but I didn't want a diamond. First, it's ridiculously expensive, and if we'd had that kind of money at the time I would *much* rather have spent it on a great vacation. Seems a stupid thing to go into debt for. Second, somehow the politics or symbolism of it kinda bothers me, as a feminist-- kinda like the man buying the woman or something (I also wanted *no* part of a bridal veil - ugh). I knew a couple where they *both* started wearing a simple ring at the time they got engaged-- that idea seems better to me. Also, I just hate the way a newly engaged woman goes around showing off her diamond-- she and the woman around her seem to act as if the size/expense of the ring somehow measures the worth of her fiance, and they get all giddy...GAG. And when women compare their diamonds--blecch.
A good friend's engagement ring is a garnet with some diamond chips--I like that better than a diamond solitaire any day of the week.

The jewelry industy sure has a great thing going, making guys think that they have to go out and spend mega-bucks on a ring to prove that they're really in love. The love in both your hearts should matter more than what she wears on her finger.

I wear only one ring on my left hand, a simple gold band, and hubby wears the same. Suits me just fine.

[grasswire]

24. maybe we can tell her taste in stones by her taste in flowers?

Is she a red roses gal? Then a traditional ring is probably in order.

White lilacs? Estate jewelry.

Exotic orchids? Exotic setting and a colored stone.

[grasswire]

25. I just browsed eBay...

....and found that lots of jewelers sell there. Thousands of engagement rings. You and your to-be bride could browse there to get an idea without having a salesman breathing down your neck, even if you don't want to buy there.

Here's a listing from a 5th Avenue NYC jeweler for a vintage ring. EBay confirms his identity.

http://cgi.aol.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=2676021322&category=52566

[grannylib]

27. I didn't want to spend a lot either; we got a ring from an antique store

that sells estate jewelry, so I have a very tiny diamond in a gorgeous antique setting, and it's unique and suits me well and nobody else has it!
We spent less than $500 on our whole wedding (rings, dresses, food and all!) and it must have worked, here we are 18 years later...

[Demobrat]

34. I agree totally.

I have never been married, but if I was there's no way I would walk around wearing a huge tacky diamond ring screaming "Look what I caught". The way some women talk about and compare their diamonds, I wonder if the men would still marry them if they knew.

[FlashHarry]

26. Wow. Thanks, folks! There's a lot to consider.

I think a smaller, brighter diamond is in order. Maybe an antique setting. Looks like I've got some footwork to do...

(I kind of like the emerald idea. My grandfather gave my grandmother an emerald engagement ring, which was beautiful.)

[ScreamingMeemie]

28. My husband gave me a very small, very elegant ring on our engagement

but it held all his love. And that was enough for me. He was so proud of himself as well, because he really talked them down on the price. Flash, she'll be so excited that it really won't matter.

All my good wishes to you both,
Laura

[shrike]

35. I agree with the general consensus here

My husband got me diamonds, but in retrospect I wish I had an emerald instead -- such a beautiful stone. Forget the nonsense about spending so much money and just make sure the ring reflects her tastes. Lastly, give it to her in a romantic way. Get on one knee, make it a formal proposal. My husband's a terrific guy but I sure wish he'd been more romantic about the whole thing.

[Missy Vixen]

29. I'm a diamond snob

You can spend as much or as little on this ring as you'd like. Just remember that she'll wear it every day for the rest of her life; it needs to be something that she loves.

If you're buying diamonds, it's better to go smaller and perfect than large and cloudy. I don't have a gigantic diamond in my wedding ring; I have several channel set into a heavy 14K band. As an example, I'm including the website for our jewelers; my ring looks a lot like the "Christmas ring" pictured here: http://www.hanniganadams.com/page01.htm#diamond .The diamonds in my ring are very, very good; the better the diamond, the more the "sparkle".

There's also the "buying shy" factor. If you buy a .99 or .95 diamond instead of a full carat, you will save an amazing amount of money, and nobody else will know but you and the jeweler.

Emeralds are gorgeous stones, but they are softer than diamonds, and may chip with a lot of wear. If you end up getting another gemstone, be sure it's something that will stand up to many years of daily wear and enjoyment.

I don't know your fiancee, but like others here, her friends and family do. Would she prefer wearing one ring instead of both engagement and wedding rings? Believe it or not, I know many women who didn't want the engagement ring, and prefer a band with diamonds. Setting is something to think about as well, having a friend who's succeeded in losing two one-carat stones out of her engagement ring...

Good luck, congratulations, and I hope this is the start of many happy years of marriage!

:toast:

Julie

[JVS]

30. Get those lab-created russian diamonds

[Kamika]

31. To cut to the chase...

Get the biggest one you can find that has clarity.

[GinaMaria]

32. personal preference

vintage, anique or estate, so there's no support for the diamond industry. You get a better diamond for a better price. Round brilliant, imo, shows off the fire of the diamond the best. You could also go with an old euro cut if you buy vintage. clarity and color were more important to me than size. My husband gave me a vintage circa 1930s .68 c diamond that appraised for more than double what he paid for it. Color and clarity were better than the dealer stated. I can give you the site he bought from www.antiqueengagementrings.com Really nice guy to work with. He's based in New York.

Congratulations!

[supernova]

33. A word about estate jewelry

Yes, you can get some nice deals on some lovely jewelry. If you go this route, hook up with some antique auction houses in your area. That way you will be competing in the price with antique dealers. WHere do you think dealers get the stuff in their shops from? That's right, auctions.

Things that come through auction houses are "as is". That is they may or may not know much about what they are selling you. Find an auction house that has a jewelry appraiser. They will be able to tell you if the rings they sell are good quality gems (diamonds, in this case), whether it's plaitnum, or white gold. I think rose gold is lovely, esp because it is so rare here in the States.

Lastly, watch the papers for auctions including jewelry. Go, sign up and have fun! :D But don't bid more than you can afford! :D

Congratulation! How wonderful. She's a lucky lady.