http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news1203/rotk.htmlLandover Multiplex Burned to the Ground After
Return of the King Preview!
Freehold, Iowa - Last Thursday, a Christian mole at New Line Cinema pocketed a videocassette of the upcoming movie,
The Return of the King. He secretly boarded one of Sister Betty Bowers' private ministry Gulfstream V jets at LAX, and three-and-a-half hours later, delivered the tape to Pastor Deacon Fred, who was waiting in the Platinum Level Tither Lounge at Landover’s private five-gate terminal, eager to see such a lavish depiction of the King of King’s Second Coming. Pastor immediately scheduled a showing of the movie for 537 deacons and their families at Landover’s new state-of-the-art Christian Multiplex Theater. By 7 p.m., approximately 2,200 of Landover Baptist’s most privileged church members were seated and anxiously awaiting what they thought would be a Technicolor showcase for their favorite superhero, Jesus.
Three hours into the movie, after patiently waiting for a 300-foot Jesus to descend from the clouds and begin dismembering and Kung-Fu kicking the living hell out of unsaved people, the shocking truth that the devout audience had been hoodwinked into watching pagan, Christ-hating propaganda was finally revealed. By 11:30 p.m., all that remained of the enormous Christian theater complex were a few blackened porcelain commodes, many still overflowing with the bilious pop-corn vomit of disgusted patrons, and a charred velvet usher’s jacket, which still contained most of a right arm clutching a handful of half-torn tickets...
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