What's the strangest thing anyone has ever told you?

[JaySherman]

One time I was in a bookstore, browsing the fantasy/sci-fi section when this guy came up to me and started telling me that the Lord the Rings was a true story. He said that they had found the bones of of the dragon Smaug underneath a mountain in the Alps. He also said there was a conspiracy between the world churches and governments to cover it up because if it ever became public that it actually happened, civilization as we know it would come to an end. This guy was definitely certifiable. I beat it out of there with much haste.

:tinfoilhat: :crazy: :freak:

[XanaDUer]

1. Okay

I've heard a lot of weird stuff,


But, I had a co-worker who told us that she was being regularly abducted and experimented on by ETs, and did not know what to do...we suggested setting up a video camera and either keeping them away so their cover would not be blown, or, she would have proof of ET life, and thus could potentially make a lot of money.

[Swede]

2. We were sitting around watching a football game.

One of our friends came over. He asked us if we had seen his rocket ship,cause he forgot where he landed it. He needed to go to the moon and shove iron bars up the asses of the demons there. Okay. This was many years ago and I now know that Fred was schizophrenic,but this just came out of the blue.

[radwriter0555]

3. I had a guy tell me he was god once. No, seriously.

His name was peter. I was managing a croissant shop on Michigan Avenue, peter was a local mentally ill fella, rather youngish, that came in regularly to have coffee. He was wretchedly dirty, but mostly polite, talking to himself. Clearly off the beam.

We had an agreement that he could stay for short periods of time if he didn't hassle the customers.

He felt I was his friend, and one day, had something URGENT to tell me, and waited patiently as the lunch rush came through.

Then I found that moment for him, wherein he confided he was god. I congratulated him, and thanked him for sharing such fantastic information with me.

After that, he would have taken a bullet for me.

[XanaDUer]

4. That reminds me of another person

who told me he was immortal.

He was serious.

[radwriter0555]

43. I LOVE people who march to that different drummer!

They can be enriching!

Like COURTNEY LOVE for example.. holy crap did you see her in court yesterday, freaking out? AND SHE'S SOBER NOW, at least, in rehab.

Her mental illness will fester in its reality now, and maybe she'll REALLY get the help she needs in a mental hospital.

[corarose]

5. A women I use to work with thought that

The Young & The Restless Soap Opera was for real. She thought that the people were being filmed in their homes.

I died for her because something had to be wrong.

[Kat45]

13. My friend's husband insists professional wrestling is real. n/t

[corarose]

14. LOL

What is wrong with some people. My Aunt use to yell at the TV when General Hospital was on like Luke and Laura could hear her.

[corarose]

6. That Bush won the election

:kick:

[populistmom]

7. I was once told by a man in a psychiatrist's office:

Two weird and creepy things (I was only 18 at the time too):

1. His mom's boyfriend really killed JFK and went into this big long conspiracy theory about how he knew the truth.

2. Then, that he is a sex addict and I must move to the other side of the room because I disturbed his addiction. (I moved really fast)

[corarose]

9. Did you take a shower when you got home?

:puke:

[Booberdawg]

16. ROTFL!

I just had to clean off my monitor. LOL!

You had to move to the other side of the room because you disturbed his sex addiction, ROTFLOLPIMP!!!

[Bozola]

8. A freeper precursor

One day in the early 80's, a fat, ugly, lone white guy complete with sh*tbox white Chevy van full of trash appeared in the absolute middle of bumphuque to my vistor station carrying a "True West" magazine. After a long and dissembling monologue about train robbers, he proceded to straight-faced to ask me if I knew where Butch Cassidy's lost treasure was.

Sometimes you just have to say "I'm sorry, no I don't".

[baldguy]

10. Bartender told me.

He could fix his astigmatism just by thinking about it.

God told him so.

[Ernesto]

11. While in N Carolina in the USMC

I had a redneck bunky with much hair on his back. He told me that "when you get a hair cut and don't bathe for a long time, the hair will go to root on your skin". I thought to myself: "WTF am I doing here?"

[amandae]

30. LMAO!

That's hilarious!

:D

[gate of the sun]

12. My schizonphrenic brother

told me he was being stalked by some evil Shamans and there was a black dog lurking around. I went outside to run across the street to a store and this black dog was walking across the sidewalk ran up and grapped hold of my sweater with his teeth and rips a hole in it. Sometimes my weird brothers reality freaked me out.

[xcentrik]

15. On a double date...

A friend was trying to hook me up with an female aquaintance of his. Somehow, the conversation turned to birth control (well, this was the 70's) and my prospective life partner said she never used any. When one of the other persons in this foursome said that wasn't such a great idea, she (my blind date) said:

"It's OK. Infertility runs in my family."

[MrScorpio]

17. A bunch of weirdo Buckeye fans told me that Michigan was going to lose

Obviously they were off their meds.

[NightTrain]

18. Ignorning what my mother said when her mental illness was in full effect

Once at a picnic, I reached for a bag of pretzels. As I munched a few, this woman in her 50s (who I barely knew) insisted that I read a paragraph on the back of the bag. Just to get her off my back, I did.

It was some bullshit claim about pretzels being healthy and nutritious. As I finished reading it, the woman told me in a supremely confident tone, "There's as much nutrition in those pretzels as there is in a piece of steak."

Uhh.... Yeah, whatever. :freak:

[guitar man]

19. Last weekend

My sister-in-law,who is a religious RW type,told me that during the 12 years Reagan/Pappa Bush were in the White House,abortion was illegal and it became legal again when Clinton took office.

[JaySherman]

20. Strange.

I hope you set her straight.

Would she happen to be a Creationist too? :eyes:

[guitar man]

21. Yep,I told her

It simply wasn't true. I didn't get to go into it as in-depth as I would like to because we were all departing for dinner at a local restaraunt. Next time we get to visit,I am going to politely query her as to the origin of her mistaken belief. I imagine some fundie preacher promised as long as Repugs were in office,there would be no abortion.


Strangely enough,she believes the Bible supports evolution to a certain extent,not necessarily Darwin verbatim,but thinks that the notion of the Earth and mankind being only 6,000 years old is pure rubbish.

I do enjoy talking with her,though. Even though we have radically different political and world views,there is not the usual visceral reaction present in the knuckle draggers.Just quiet and interesting conversation about different opinions.

edit-typo

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

22. It tastes like chicken

[HEyHEY]

23. "I'm from brighton where they fuck you in the ass"

A girl told me that when I asked her where she was from.

[JaySherman]

26. Hmm... One of my friends here is from Brighton.

Have to ask him about that one.

Edited because that :think: smiley just didn't look right.

[HEyHEY]

29. not brighton England

Brighton New Brunswick...I think she said that anyway, I was so shocked I didn't really let the name of the town set in.

[amandae]

28. Brighton, NY???

Never heard that one before ... my mother grew up in Brighton but I don't think that would be information she would share with her children.

:hi:

[HEyHEY]

31. no I'm not sure if that was the actual name of the place

Just from memory that's what it was
EDIT it was in New Brunswick whatever it was

[amandae]

32. ahhhhh ok!

actually, it's kind of a relief ... for my mom's sake that is :-)

:hi:

[HEyHEY]

33. haha

Yeah I guess so...wish I could rememebr the name though..oh well

[CanuckAmok]

34. So, HEyHEY, when's the wedding day? n/t

[OneBlueSky]

24. "they're after me!"

This was one of the strangest things that ever happened to me. I was crewing on the Clearwater, and we were docked in Portchester on Long Island Sound. Having been aboard for almost a week, four of us decided to take some down time and go see a movie. So we walked to a mall that was closeby, and as we were making our way to the theater, this young lady came up to us. For some reason, she focused on me, and said in a loud whisper "they're after me!" Naturally, I asked "Who's after you?", to which she responded "the same people that got Patty Hearst!" Oooo-kay . . . Then she says "But I have protection. Wanna see it?" And before I could answer, she starts unbuttoning her shirt! Not at all sure where this was heading, I just stood there gaping and thinking "Ohhhh, boy . . ." So she undoes her shirt, looks left, looks right, and then opens the shirt to reveal an owl pendant hanging around her neck. Fortunately (or unfortunately), she was also wearing a t-shirt. "He'll protect me," she says, again in a loud whisper. Then she looked left, looked right, and slinked away. This lady was dead serious, and left all of us shaking our heads as we made our way to the first-run screening of "The Sting."

[Liberal Veteran]

25. I had a very nice lady tell me I am gay because I am possessed...

...by a demon. And demons can sense one another and that explains the phenomenon of gaydar.

[amandae]

27. This girl I knew and I were talking about hurricanes ...

she said that she knew all about hurricanes because her dad lived in Chicago and he had seen some pretty bad ones through that area.

:wtf:

[Khephra]

35. I had someone tell me that I was their god.

[CanuckAmok]

36. A corporal in my Regiment, who was a habitual liar...

...once announced, apropo of nothing, that he once are three hundred cheeseburgers at a single sitting.

Someone else, sick of months and months of similarly harmless yet farfetched stories, finally called 'bullshit' on the corporal, insisting that it wasn't physically possible to eat three hundred cheeseburgers in a day, let alone at one meal.

The corporal was absolutely shocked an offended that anyone would suggest he was lying, so he said quietly, in an almost apologetic tone:

"...well... they were really small cheeseburgers."


People are nuts.

[corarose]

37. Your a perfect fit

I still don't know what the guy was talking about.

[Blade]

38. That God told Dubya...

to go to war in Iraq. :eyes:

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

39. This is actually a conversation...

On the way back from a friend's house, we needed to desperately to get gas. We naturally get the insane man. He basically totally washed down our van by hand. Then he started talking about how the guy inside was busting his balls for some reason. This man was scraping stuff off the windshield with his nails for chrissakes.

This is that conversation:
Crazy guy: Yeah that guy inside. My coworker. I went in there and he was busting my balls. He said he got held up. I told him to get the ghostbusters.
Dante: Ghostbusters?
Crazy guy: Yeah you know after you die.
Dante: Oh, the afterlife.
Crazy guy: What?
Dante: The afterlife.
Crazy guy: What?
Dante: The afterlife.
Crazy guy: I don't know what the afterlife means. So he was held up for $0.75 and no one does that.
Me: In New York they do.
Crazy guy: In New York they do drugs. But they do drugs here too. Drugs make you crazy.
Me: Yeah.
Crazy guy: You guys don't do drugs do you? I mean you girl and a guy right?
Me: Nah, not really.
Dante: Yeah in New York they pierce penises.
Crazy guy: What?
Dante: I said in NY they pierce penises.
Crazy guy: What?
Dante: Never mind.
Me: You didn't want to know.
Crazy guy: Okay boys don't do drugs and have a good night.

That is why you shouldn't buy gas in Jefferson, NJ at 3:00AM even if you are going to run out of gas.

[Awsi Dooger]

40. Virgin lambs from Norway

In '94 a guy I knew in Las Vegas traveled to England to bet the World Cup soccer matches thru the English bookie joints. He immediately got sidetracked by a leather salesman, and purchased practically the entire inventory -- leather coats, leather pants, leather caps -- with thousands he was supposed to use to wager on the soccer games, including plenty of my cash.

I met him at the airport when he returned, desperate for a rationale to this apparent idiocy. We unloaded box after box of leather, then he promised an answer at a restaurant that night. Myself and two other friends who had sent money for the soccer wagering joined him.

Dave asked for a specific table, far removed from the masses. Once we were seated and alone, he asked the three of us to lean forward, and never to breathe a word of this to anyone. "Virgin lambs from Norway," he whispered with a grin, as if it were the secret to eternal life and prosperity. The leather salesman had duped him into believing that only he had access to this top secret ingredient, and the items made of such pure thread were near priceless.

We finally sold the crap at about a 70% loss.

[Interrobang]

41. I can't decide which I think is stranger...

The woman who tried to get me all sympathetic to her because of her sob story about her "poor niece suffering from cerebral palsy" (I have cerebral palsy, and it's less "suffering" than a mild case of arthritis) who couldn't get OHIP to pay for this "revolutionary treatment" (uh oh) because "all doctors are in cahoots with each other," (yeah, right) and "they want to make money off of selling drugs" (Make money off selling drugs?! In Canada? Drug treatment for CP?!)...and the family couldn't afford to pay a private clinic for hyperbaric treatment for the niece (again, for CP?!) because "it makes brain cells grow back and could cure her. You should try it!"

I was sort of like, "...uh, lady? There's a reason OHIP won't pay for it, and that's because it's *crap* and doesn't work! Brain cells don't grow back, at least not brain cells that have died from trauma!" Sheesh... What some people will believe, I think simply because it makes them feel better.

The other one was, this one time when I was working in a shop that sold natural perfume oils, these people came in and started buying oils without even smelling them. They were holding their hands about a centimetre over the tops of the *closed containers* telling us "Oh, this one has really good energy!" and suchlike. They bought about $50 in oils, without even smelling them. I was thinking to myself, "Okay, crazy people's money spends the same as everyone else's..."

With what some people seriously believe (as opposed to jokingly believe), sometimes I think someone should just amputate the left shoulder of the normal distribution for intelligence...

[dolgoruky]

42. Bonkers!

Somebody once told me that capitalism works.

[trof]

44. My great-aunt Lucia

was in her 80s and in the hospital recovering from a stomach operation. Miz t. and I were waiting in her room when they brought her back from recovery. She was still pretty dopey.

(to Miz t.) "Did you know trof could sing?"
"Well, yes...he has a very nice voice."
"I know. He sat over there on the bureau and just sang like a bird, all night."
oh boy