Pilot Wisdom

[trof]

An airline pilot is a confused soul who talks about
women when he's flying, and about flying when he's
with a woman.

Asking what a pilot thinks about the FAA is like
asking a fireplug what it thinks about dogs.

The only thing worse than a captain who never flew as
a copilot is a copilot who once was a captain.

Or, two flight managers giving each other a check
ride.

Hand-flying an ILS in a gusty crosswind is easier than
adjusting the shower controls in a layover hotel.

A smooth touchdown in a simulator is as exciting as
kissing your own sister.

Most airline crew food tastes like warmed-over chicken
because that's what it is.

Everything is accomplished through teamwork until
something goes wrong....then one pilot gets all the
blame.

A good simulator check ride is like successful surgery
on a cadaver.

Standard checklist practice requires pilots to read to
each other procedures used every day ...and recite
from memory those needed once every five years.

A crew scheduler is the type who wakes his wife at
midnight to carry out the garbage, then sends her back
to let the cat in.

An FAA investigation is conducted by non-flying
experts who take six months to itemize the mistakes
made by a crew that had six seconds to do anything.

In the old days flying was dangerous and sex was safe.
Now it's the other way around.

[mhr]

1. Sex? What's That?

"In the old days flying was dangerous and sex was safe.
Now it's the other way around."

Grounded Pilot: Commercial, SEL, MEL, Instrument Airplane, Glider

[DemoTex]

2. Thank God for the QRH

Standard checklist practice requires pilots to read to
each other procedures used every day ...and recite
from memory those needed once every five years.

We had nearly 65 memory items on the MD-80 emergency checklist before changing over to the Quick Reference Handbook (QRH). Now there are only 14 memory items, and most of those are intuitively obvious. For example, the "Hot Start" memory item is "Fuel Control Lever ..... Off." Well, duh! Used to be about eight memory items depending on N-2 readings and that kind of thing. The "Excessive Cabin Altitude" emergency procedure has been pared down to two memory items: "1. Captain assumes PF duties, and; 2. O-2 Masks/Regulators ... Verify ... On/100%." The other 14 items, including the hi-dive gouge, are in the "Immediate Actions" section of the QRH, to be read aloud by the PNF when called for by the PF.