I care about someone...

[Writer]

but I am married. I have no intention of starting anything that will jeopardize my marriage. Mr. Writer is a great husband.

But it hurts somewhat. This isn't the first time, either.

I work with this person. I am as professional and as officious as possible when we do interact, but I think the feelings are mutual. Luckily I don't have to see this person everyday, but when I don't this person is on my mind.

Anyone else experience this? What did you do?

[Haole Girl]

1. I saw what happened to my mother when she took a lover

while married to my father. Two families were destroyed, my mother became depressed...later she married "the other man" but could never trust him and, therefore, became even more depressed. It keeps any temptation at bay.

[PassingFair]

2. Just keep acting as "officious as possible"

and things should take care of themselves.

Definitions of officious:

* interfering: intrusive in a meddling or offensive manner; "an interfering old woman"; "bustling about self-importantly making an officious nuisance of himself"; "busy about other people's business"
wordnet.princeton.edu/perl/webwn

* meddlesome or intrusive, as in: She was an officious busybody who made trouble for everyone.

:)

[Writer]

7. Jesus... I had no idea what that meant...

oh well.

[Floogeldy]

3. First priority: Honor your marriage.

That is all.

[Rabrrrrrr]

4. LOL! You might want to stop being "officious"

Sorry, I'm not making light of your situation, but you chose a pretty poor word there.

:rofl:

Yes, I, too, have felt the sting of office crushes. But, never acted on them, never will. They pretty much never work out, and the temptation is always there for the committed person to see greener grass on the other side, but it never is.

I still think about a few people I worked with years ago with whom I was close, and on whom had a crush. And those are good and fond memories - tinged slightly with the pain of what was not, but there is a wonderful power in that and rejuvenation of the spirit, leaving all the possibilities to the imagination to devise wondrous and beautiful relationships of pure love, wild sex making, and eternal bliss and happiness. But, that goodness only comes in imagination, and that is where it belongs.

It's natural and normal, in my opinion. Feelings are feelings, and they are neither right nor wrong. It's only our actions that are right or wrong.

[Floogeldy]

6. In other words, . . .

. . . You want to fuck everything that moves. ;)

[SOteric]

10. Well, - maybe not everything.

I'm pretty sure he'd pass on Thomas Kinkade.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

5. My dear Writer.....

I have been in your shoes too.....

It is a tough place to be.

I am keeping my distance, and am concentrating on my husband.

It is NOT easy....and the person I care for is very attractive, too....

I often wonder just why we do these things to ourselves?

I have no answers for you.....Sorry........:hug:

[KitchenWitch]

8. I was not married at the time

but I was in a committed relationship. I was taking classes with a very attractive young man, whom I know felt the same attraction for me. We never spoke directly of the attraction (he was also in a serious relationship), I think for fear that speaking of it would give it power over us. We were in the same workgroup for the class, and so there were situations in which we had to work closely together, so sometimes things were difficult. Sometimes one or the other of us would get "moody" with each other, I think to keep it from getting too close.

Towards the end of the classes, he broke up with his girlfriend, but I was still with my boyfriend. We totally avoided each other.

The professor threw a party a few months after the end of the classes, and my bf and I were there, and so was Tim. Tim and I had kind of a long talk (not talking about the real issues between us). I never saw him again, and sometimes I do wonder, if the timing had been different, what would have happened.

My suggestion, before you act, think it all the way through and watch your motives. It is a difficult situation to be in, and it is really easy to not pay full attention to your motives in the situation. Also, try and see if you can determine if there is something missing in your marriage, and try to fix that.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

9. My dear KitchenWitch....

That is an excellent answer, IMHO....

:hug:

Give me a minute, and check your PM...

[MichiganVote]

11. Whew....it takes your breath away doesn't it....the thing you least expect

from yourself and there it is...

Had this happen. BUT...you need to know that 2/3 of what you are thinking, imagining or speculating about is based on a fantasy. The one real thing is that you are missing something in your current marriage. Doesn't have to be alot and it may not even be fixed, but it exists or you wouldn't notice Mr. Maybe.

I told myself a few positive things, like, its nice to see I'm still attractive, or, isn't it good to know I'm not a person to start something I'll never finish.

And yes, there is a twinge of sadness but it is nothing compared to the all out raw and savage pain of the break up of a marriage---especially a good marriage.

What to do. If you are clear enough and in sync enough with the attractive party, you will both do a dance that consists of, I want to see this person, I don't want to see this person, I'm a respectable person, I'm an even more respectable person when I admit my admiration for someone from afar. Believe it or not, the bubble will pass and you'll both feel better when neither of you acts out on impulse or out of need.

I know that in my case the other party was feeling much the same as I. So people have feelings, so what? Its what you do or don't do with the feelings that matter. Figure out what you are missing in life or in life with your partner and grieve that. Later, you'll still ask yourself what if, but the urge to act won't be there.

[kiraboo]

12. I've experienced it. It was wonderful.

Until it destroyed my marriage and didn't touch his.

Stay away. Nobody should do what I've done to those I love, or go through what I've been through.

[SlavesandBulldozers]

13. i don't even think it means youre missing something at home.

i think it's just natural.

Picture the person you have a crush on taking a shit while reading Free Republic on a laptop. . .

Didn't work?

Your marriage is in trouble.

Just kidding I don't mean to make light of your situation, it's very difficult I know. There are no easy answers, but I don't think something's missing at home necessarily for this to happen. The sex drive can be a real bitch sometime.

[RetroLounge]

14. Well, I was the victim of this

and now my family is broken up and divorce seems inevitable.

Don't do it...

RL

[Guava Jelly]

15. Boy do i know what you are going through

Except it was my partner who had strong feelings for a coworker,
It almost killed me 8-9 months of tears and Pain
trust me its not worth it..
If you love mr writer be true to him

[achtung_circus]

16. I'll say what I said to my brother

when he was on the verge of leaving his wife and children because he "truly loved" an also married co-worker.

Do you want a woman with a history of cheating on her husband.

Never been there, but it seems that a relationship built (as it must be) on deceit can never attain a level of true trust.

This is coming from a divorced 50 year old man, (but I opted to leave, and for other reasons) so take it for what it's worth.