Test for Men

[Booberdawg]

This is a test for men only and all "real men" will answer "C" to all of these questions.

However, women will also benefit by reviewing them, so that they get to understand men and thereby enrich their own lives.

1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and you are the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire earth.

You decide to:

A. Present it to the President of the United States.
B. Present it to the Secretary General of the United Nations.
C. Take it apart.


2. As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful life do you miss the most?

A. Innocence
B. Idealism
C. Cherry bombs.


3. When is it okay to kiss another male?

A. When you wish to display simple and pure affection without regard for narrow-minded social conventions.
B. When he is the Pope (but not on the lips)!
C. When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and this is the only really sportsmanlike way to let him know that, for business reasons, you have to have him killed.


4. In your opinion, the ideal pet is:

A. A cat.
B. A dog.
C. A dog that eats cats.


5. You have been seeing a woman for several years. She's attractive and intelligent, and you always enjoy being with her.One leisurely Sunday afternoon the two of you are taking it easy. You're watching a football game; she's reading the papers when she suddenly, out of the clear blue sky, tells you that she thinks she really loves you, but, she can no longer bear the uncertainty of not knowing where your relationship is going. She says she's not asking whether you want to get married; only whether you believe that you have some kind of future together.

What do you say?

A. That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a future, but you don't want to rush it.
B. That although you also have strong feelings for her, you cannot honestly say that you'll be ready anytime soon to make a lasting commitment, and you don't want to hurt her by holding out false hope.
C. That you cannot believe the Broncos called a draw play on third and seventeen.


6. Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and you want to spend the rest of your life with her, sharing the joys and the sorrows the world has to offer, come what may. How do you tell her?

A. You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after dinner.
B. You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, and you say her name, and when she turns to you, with the sea breeze blowing through her hair and the stars in her eyes, you tell her.
C. Tell her what?



7. One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and asks you to get your three children ready for school. Your first question to her is:

A. "Do they need to eat or anything?"
B. "They're in school already?"
C. "We have three of them?"



8. When is it okay to throw away a set of veteran underwear?

A. When it has turned the color of a dead whale and developed new holes so large that you're not sure which ones were originally intended for your legs.
B. When it is down to eight loosely connected underwear molecules and has to be handled with tweezers.
C. It is never okay to throw away veteran underwear. A real guy, checks the garbage regularly in case somebody, and we are not naming names, (but this would be his wife) is quietly trying to discard his underwear.


9. What is the human race's single greatest achievement?

A. Democracy.
B. Religion.
C. Remote control.


10. What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable explanation for the fact that Moses led the Israelites all over the place for forty years before they finally got to the Promised Land?

A. He was being tested
B. He wanted them to really appreciate the Promised Land when they finally got there.
C. He refused to ask for directions.

[MrScorpio]

1. All "C"s here, Buddy

They don't call me "Mister" for nuttin'

[THUNDER HANDS]

2. answers....

1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and you are the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire earth.

You decide to:

A. Present it to the President of the United States.
B. Present it to the Secretary General of the United Nations.
C. Take it apart.
D. Sell it on ebay.


2. As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful life do you miss the most?

A. Innocence
B. Idealism
C. Cherry bombs.
D. Breast feeding.


3. When is it okay to kiss another male?

A. When you wish to display simple and pure affection without regard for narrow-minded social conventions.
B. When he is the Pope (but not on the lips)!
C. When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and this is the only really sportsmanlike way to let him know that, for business reasons, you have to have him killed.
D. When he's drunk and you've just taken nude photos of him.

4. In your opinion, the ideal pet is:

A. A cat.
B. A dog.
C. A dog that eats cats.
D. A hampster that eats dogs.

5. You have been seeing a woman for several years. She's attractive and intelligent, and you always enjoy being with her.One leisurely Sunday afternoon the two of you are taking it easy. You're watching a football game; she's reading the papers when she suddenly, out of the clear blue sky, tells you that she thinks she really loves you, but, she can no longer bear the uncertainty of not knowing where your relationship is going. She says she's not asking whether you want to get married; only whether you believe that you have some kind of future together.

What do you say?

A. That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a future, but you don't want to rush it.
B. That although you also have strong feelings for her, you cannot honestly say that you'll be ready anytime soon to make a lasting commitment, and you don't want to hurt her by holding out false hope.
C. That you cannot believe the Broncos called a draw play on third and seventeen.
D. "Get me some pretzels, serving wench!"


6. Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and you want to spend the rest of your life with her, sharing the joys and the sorrows the world has to offer, come what may. How do you tell her?

A. You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after dinner.
B. You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, and you say her name, and when she turns to you, with the sea breeze blowing through her hair and the stars in her eyes, you tell her.
C. Tell her what?
D. You throw the ring at her and go 'happy now?'.


7. One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and asks you to get your three children ready for school. Your first question to her is:

A. "Do they need to eat or anything?"
B. "They're in school already?"
C. "We have three of them?"
D. "Why is this woman disturbing my sleep?"


8. When is it okay to throw away a set of veteran underwear?

A. When it has turned the color of a dead whale and developed new holes so large that you're not sure which ones were originally intended for your legs.
B. When it is down to eight loosely connected underwear molecules and has to be handled with tweezers.
C. It is never okay to throw away veteran underwear. A real guy, checks the garbage regularly in case somebody, and we are not naming names, (but this would be his wife) is quietly trying to discard his underwear.
D. Before or after you wash it for the first time?

9. What is the human race's single greatest achievement?

A. Democracy.
B. Religion.
C. Remote control.
D. the penis.

10. What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable explanation for the fact that Moses led the Israelites all over the place for forty years before they finally got to the Promised Land?

A. He was being tested
B. He wanted them to really appreciate the Promised Land when they finally got there.
C. He refused to ask for directions.
D. All the little Israelites kept asking him 'are we there yet, are we there yet' and he kept threatening to "turn this fleeing band of chosen people around and head straight back to Egypt."

[Booberdawg]

4. I should have known ....

you'd be in a different category altogether. ;-)

[areschild]

8. Ha. Ha. Ha.

You are so funny. Thanks for the laugh.

[gonefishing]

3. Answers!

1) d. Get a patent
2) d. youth
3) a.
4) b
5) d. Ok let's get married
6) d. I do
7) d. I'll take care of them today if you take care of them tomorrow
8) d. when she says so
9) d. principia
10. c.

[Bunny]

5. Another good one by the one and only Dave Barry.

n/t

[JohnKleeb]

6. A not so "real" man answers

1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and you are the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire earth.

You decide to:

A. Present it to the President of the United States.
B. Present it to the Secretary General of the United Nations.
C. Take it apart.
B: I trust Annan more than I do Bush, and I am not an ass.

2. As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful life do you miss the most?

A. Innocence
B. Idealism
C. Cherry bombs.
A&B: I like my childhood innocence and ideals, could care less about cherry bombs

3. When is it okay to kiss another male?

A. When you wish to display simple and pure affection without regard for narrow-minded social conventions.
B. When he is the Pope (but not on the lips)!
C. When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and this is the only really sportsmanlike way to let him know that, for business reasons, you have to have him killed.
A: I could careless if a guy kisses another

4. In your opinion, the ideal pet is:

A. A cat.
B. A dog.
C. A dog that eats cats.
B: I prefer dogs

5. You have been seeing a woman for several years. She's attractive and intelligent, and you always enjoy being with her.One leisurely Sunday afternoon the two of you are taking it easy. You're watching a football game; she's reading the papers when she suddenly, out of the clear blue sky, tells you that she thinks she really loves you, but, she can no longer bear the uncertainty of not knowing where your relationship is going. She says she's not asking whether you want to get married; only whether you believe that you have some kind of future together.

What do you say?

A. That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a future, but you don't want to rush it.
B. That although you also have strong feelings for her, you cannot honestly say that you'll be ready anytime soon to make a lasting commitment, and you don't want to hurt her by holding out false hope.
C. That you cannot believe the Broncos called a draw play on third and seventeen.
B: I would be upfront

6. Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and you want to spend the rest of your life with her, sharing the joys and the sorrows the world has to offer, come what may. How do you tell her?

A. You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after dinner.
B. You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, and you say her name, and when she turns to you, with the sea breeze blowing through her hair and the stars in her eyes, you tell her.
C. Tell her what?
B: I love the beach and hell its the sight of most of my love fantasies, and is the setting for my love story I am writting.


7. One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and asks you to get your three children ready for school. Your first question to her is:

A. "Do they need to eat or anything?"
B. "They're in school already?"
C. "We have three of them?"

A: Gotta do my job

8. When is it okay to throw away a set of veteran underwear?

A. When it has turned the color of a dead whale and developed new holes so large that you're not sure which ones were originally intended for your legs.
B. When it is down to eight loosely connected underwear molecules and has to be handled with tweezers.
C. It is never okay to throw away veteran underwear. A real guy, checks the garbage regularly in case somebody, and we are not naming names, (but this would be his wife) is quietly trying to discard his underwear.
:shrug: I dont wear underwear, I wear boxers

9. What is the human race's single greatest achievement?

A. Democracy.
B. Religion.
C. Remote control.
A&B: Religion can drive people to do wonderful stuff and Democracy is just great

10. What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable explanation for the fact that Moses led the Israelites all over the place for forty years before they finally got to the Promised Land?

A. He was being tested
B. He wanted them to really appreciate the Promised Land when they finally got there.
C. He refused to ask for directions.
A: I think he was being tested
I must be not a real man.

[Spider Jerusalem]

7. My answers...

1. D. Ask them why they're giving it to me, since the slow-motion collapse of human civilisation must be a much more interesting show for them.

2. D. The joy and wonder of being able to experience things for the first time.

3. D. That depends on the male and what sort of kiss it is.

4. D. A cat that eats dogs. (A tiger, maybe.)

5. D. I say "You ask me this after HOW MANY YEARS? I would've thought you'd figured it out by the fact that I didn't dump you already."

6. D. I'd keep it to myself. Experience has taught me that such thoughts are usually no more than pleasant delusions, bound to be shattered.

7. D. "Okay...should they be fried, or boiled?"

8. D. When they're in such a state that they're no longer fit even for use as something to wipe the fog off of the inside of the windshield in the morning.

9. The Internet.

10. He was probably either drunk from only drinking wine or hallucinating from malnutrition most of the time...can't expect him to have it together.