Bisexual DUers, can I ask you something??

[mlawson]

I happen to be completely homosexual, but I have several male friends whom I am fairly sure are bisexual. Sometimes, they are very friendly to me (in 'that' way), and sometimes they are plainly looking for women, and then they leave the pub with them. Now these are younger guys, and I do not want to broach this subject with them, as they might 'freak'. You never know if that will happen.

My question is, is the swing from looking at one gender to another, fast, immediate, completely mixed?? Or does it go in much longer cycles, i.e., you might have a long relationship with a male, then an equally long one with a female?? Do you ever search for either, at the same time??

I don't mean to pry; this is something I've wondered about for years. Thanks!

[jpgray]

1. As a hetero guy, color me curious as well (nt)

[Must_B_Free]

2. Too many bones, spoils the soup

besides who wants to go in through the out door?

[mlawson]

3. ????????

[rumguy]

4. well what if that's a female out door?

[arwalden]

5. Boo! Hiss! That's An Old Joke...

... and a bad one at that. (But I guess it's longevity is worth SOMEthing in the realm of bad jokes.)


-- Allen

[KG]

6. targets of opportunity.

;)

[Bronco69]

7. I hate to quote Andrew Dice Clay, but I completely agree

with him on this one; "There is no bisexual, either you suck d**k or you do NOT suck d**k." By the way, I'm gay too.

[arwalden]

8. May I Contribute?

My experience with a bisexual fellow was that his preference-at-the-moment was purely on a whim. It all depended on his mood, and had nothing to do with his long-term outlook or the phases of the moon or his level of horniness.

Intellectually, I do believe that bisexuals are real. But sometimes, I wonder if folks who self-identify as bisexuals are really homosexuals who haven't come to terms with their true sexuality...

Maybe I'm just projecting my OWN experiences onto others. The label "bisexual" was very convenient for me when I was still coming-out and coming to terms with my own sexuality. Being "bisexual" was less threatening to others if I was ever found out. (Ah... but that's a story for another thread on another day.)

-- Allen

[TrogL]

10. There's a large difference in orientation

between full-blown gays and bi's.

My partner is "gay". He just doesn't get the "chick thing". I do, just i've got a "guy thing" as well.

[mlawson]

14. So, to you, both men and women are in 'technicolor'???

That is a metaphor I have always used to describe what it's like to be homosexual, when people ask: "To me, women are in black and white, and men are in technicolor!". (No sexism intended.) And it's been that way since I was about six.

It's as if you have a whole other world, that we dont have! I'd, say, 'difference in orientation'!

[mlawson]

11. Depends on the mood. I thought that might be it.

That seems to describe two of the guys I'm thinking (and thinking) about. Now, if I can just solve the 'age' thing with them... :-)

As for the coming out time, I only went on ONE 'hetero' date, and that was when I was 20, in college. This girl in the symphony with me, asked me to take her to a ball game. Total disaster: when we got back in the car, she wanted to make out. I knew at that moment, I was NOT bi. Never doubted it since. But she was cool about that night. We didn't try that again, however.

[TrogL]

9. For me

It's almost random but for the most part any particular swing seems to last about a day, but with exceptions.

Of course there's times when both sexes look hot.

[Xithras]

12. It really varies

There is no such thing as the "typical bisexual". I, for example, am primarily attracted to women (in fact, I'm married to one). I will, however, occasionally meet a guy, get interested, and develop a relationship. Those relationships aren't always sexual, but they do tend to be intense and shortlived. I guess you could say that I'm interested in women first, but occasionally meet a guy that I'm interested in :pals:

Among men, in my experience, my proclivities are probably typical, but there are MANY bisexual men who ARE just the opposite...attracted to men first, but who still enjoy the occasional foray into heterosexuality. I don't think, in either case, there's really ever a "swing" from straight to gay. I've never really had a definite preference for men OR women, it's just the way things worked out. I met a woman who I love deeply, and who satisfies that part of me. I've never met her male equivalent, but do occasionally meet men who spark my interest.

My wife, BTW, is completely different. She has a girlfriend with whom she has been regularly been seeing for about five years now, and they care for each other very deeply. For her, being in a relationship with both a man and a woman is just...normal :)

I've never been able to connect with a guy the way she connects with her girlfriend, so I can't completely explain the mindset, but it's certainly different from anything that gays OR straights experience. And no...I never get jealous (people ALWAYS ask). I love my wife very deeply, and I love the fact that she has so much joy in her life. And no again...I've never slept with my wifes girlfriend, either alone or as a group. The easiest way to explain it to someone who's never been in the situation is that I feel about my wifes girlfriend the same way I feel about my sister-in-law...even though there's no blood relationship, she's part of the family (and off-limits sexually).

I don't know if that's exactly what you wanted, but I hope it helps :)

[rumguy]

13. my god man

what kind of life are you leading there in Sac Town?

[Xithras]

16. A pretty good one

You should see the looks that I get from the blue-haired fundie neighbors after they saw my wife and her partner kissing }(

Really, you'd never know that we weren't "ordinary" unless you caught us out on a date. I live in a modest suburban house with my wife and two kids, and look the part of the typical tie-wearing middle class government employee. My wifes partner lives in a house across town with her "American as white bread and apple pie" husband (who is "straight but understanding" as he put it) and their young daughter. There's nothing particularly lascivious or different about the way we live our lives, we simply have a more open view of relationships and our emotional health than most people.

[mlawson]

18. May I ask you,

was your 'sometimes' attraction to guys more pronounced when you were younger?? Say late teen, early 20s??? Of all my male friends in college who were 'gay' at that time, probably 90% have been married for years, and have kids and grandkids now.

The first time I 'got lucky' was with a male friend on a band trip in December 19__. Two MONTHS later his girlfriend was pregnant by him and he married her. :shrug:

[Xithras]

22. Actually, I was exclusively gay at 18-19

Had my first sex with a girl at 15. Had my first sex with a guy at 16. Was mixed up until I slept with my (male) best friend on my 18th birthday. Didn't sleep with another woman until I was nearly 20. Since then, the older I get, the straighter I get. It's not that I'm losing interest with age, but has more to do with the fact that there aren't as many "opportunities" when you get older and lose interest in the club scene (just for reference, I'm 29, so I'm not exactly old).

[mlawson]

15. Hmmm. Maybe it is like a continuum.

My friend who is gay and a pschologist, says that orentation is a continuum, and that EVERYone is bi, to some extent. Even though he himself NEVER gets excited over any woman. I have to admit here, that once maybe every ten or more years, I get a 'flutter' looking at some woman, but it would seem totally unnatural for me to act on it. But that would tend to reinforce his theory.

OTOH, that theory implies that for EVERY male, there is *some* other male, somewhere, who would cause a similar reaction. I am not convinced of that. And some female for every female.

[Xithras]

21. I think it has to do with how you're raised

One look at prisons will show you that all humans, male or female, are willing to take part in homosexual acts if the social barriers that paint it as "wrong" are removed. There are men in prison who see absolutely nothing wrong with having sex with a man behind bars, but who would never even consider it after they were set free. I'm convinced that "straight heterosexuality" is actually a learned behavior...we still teach children that homosexuality is "different" and that same sex relationships are to be shunned (or worse, that they are "mortal sins"), so we effectively program them to be straight.

In my case, my mother was a closet lesbian who tried to play the part of the straight to appease my devout Catholic grandfather. She finally came out of the closet when I was six, divorced my dad, and began dating women, so I was never "programmed" to believe that same sex contact was wrong (my dad, by the way, was naturally upset after the divorce, but came around after a few years and today enjoys a great friendship with her).

My wife was raised in much the same environment (her mother has been with a steady partner for about 15 years, and they plan on marrying if it becomes legal), which probably led to her bisexuality. Her sister, on the other hand, is 100% straight. Her 19 year old brother, however, is 100% gay and won't admit it to anyone. I even found gay porn on his computer (I was helping him fix it) and he still refuses to leave the closet. I don't really think he's ever been with a guy, but for some reason he doesn't want to admit to himself or the world that he's gay DESPITE the fact that he was raised in such an open environment.

Since you're gay, I'd actually appreciate YOUR advice on that one. I'd love to help the kid come to terms with himself (and no, I don't mean sleep with him...I woulnd't touch a relative, even my wifes relative, under any circumstances). I just feel bad to see someone so at odds with what he really is.

[mlawson]

23. Having had zero luck at extricating people from closets,

:-) I have no real advice for you. And confrontation would probably make it far worse. Now, I was 19 in 1969, when it was NOT cool to be gay. We had no information either, except what we read in the library. I had had sex with a couple of guys by then, and I STILL thought of myself as 'not gay'. I was just young, that was it. Things would change. Sure. Besides that I had had a big crush on my best buddy in high school, before this. But I had never allowed it to register in my conciousness.

But then when I was 20 or 21, I went head over heels over this guy in my dorm. I never got the nerve to approach him, but this was real. At that point, I no longer played that game with myself; this was way too vivid to deny. So coming out, finally, was remarkably non-traumatic. Never getting that guy to bed was, however. Over 30 years ago, I can still see his face, clearly.

[NightTrain]

17. I'm bisexual.

Whenever I ask a woman to have sex with me, she says, "Bye!"

[mlawson]

19. I sympathize; it's like that with me and guys.

Even when I was young.

[Cat Atomic]

20. I think it's less about anatomy, and more about personality.

At least, that's what my only truly bisexual friend told me. He said that, for him, it's rare that he meets someone that's interesting and fun. If that person is female, he works with that anatomy, if they're male, he works with that. I'm not making myself very clear, I know- he was more lucid. Basically the idea was that it's the personality that leads, and the person's gender is almost incidental.

[mlawson]

24. That does make sense.

If the person is bisexual, then theoretically gender and gender-body is not at issue. The person can then focus on other, perhaps nonsexual cues and factors, since everyone is potentially a partner.