Light Bulb Joke Thread

[WoodrowFan]

How many revolutionaries does it take to change a lightbulb??

"The fact that we must change light bulbs is indicative of the sad state of affairs today; if we were living in a utopia, there would be no need for change; more than that, there would not even be a desire for change. The very existence of the light bulb which is burnt out and clearly must be changed is itself a cry for political reform."

[Wetzelbill]

1. haha

[mac56]

2. How many freepers does it take to change a light bulb?

(pause)

I get it! This is one'a them light bulb jokes, innit?!

[Bertha Venation]

12. ROFL Mac

You ain't right!

[mac56]

16. hee hee!

:hi: Bertha!

[CO Liberal]

3. How Many Bob Dylan Fans Does It Take?

The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind,
The answer is blowin' in the wind.....

[mac56]

5. How may folk singers does it take?

Three. One to change it, and two to complain because it's electric.

[mac56]

4. How many Social Workers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb shouldn't have to change for society to accept it.

[jjmalonejr]

7. "How many Bush family members does it take to change a light bulb?"

Only one. He just holds up the bulb and lets the world revolve around him.

[fob]

6. Warning politically incorrect light bulb joke

How many ADHD kids does it take to change a light bulb?

Wanna go ride bicycles?

[mac56]

8. How many HMOs does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry. You have to try this candle first.

[Bertha Venation]

19. oh, man...

that's too good!
:bounce:

[CO Liberal]

9. How Many Statisticians Does It Take To Change a Light Bulb?

1.3874.

:-)

[SiobhanClancy]

10. How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one...but the light bulb has to really WANT to change.

[Bertha Venation]

11. how many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

One, dammit.

[CanuckAmok]

62. How many Feminists?

A: THAT'S NOT FUNNY!!

[kmla]

13. How many RW radio talk show hosts does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None.

They would rather try to screw Bill Clinton, then blame him for the darkness.

[mac56]

14. How many congressional Republicans does it take?

None. They just swipe a light bulb from the Social Security office.

[CO Liberal]

15. How Many Dittoheads Does It Take?

None - they're all in the dark anyway.....

[mac56]

17. How many poets does it take?

Two. One to light a candle, and one to curse the darkness.

[Snow]

18. How many epidemiologists does it take to change a lightbulb?

One to change the bulb, and an NIH study section (those are the people who review grant proposals for the uninititated) to criticize the methods.

[chiburb]

20. How many Californians does it take...

To change a lightbulb?

50...
1 to turn the bulb, and 49 to "share the experience"...

[mac56]

21. How many Carl Sagans does it take?

Billions and billions...

[Flaxbee]

22. How many dogs does it take to change a lightbulb?

How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change A Light Bulb?

1. Golden Retriever:
The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?

2. Border Collie:
Just one.
And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

3. Dachshund:
You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!

4. Rottweiler:
Make me

5. Boxer:
Who cares?
I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.

6. Lab:
Oh, me, me!!!!!
Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb!
Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I?
Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!

7. German Shepherd:
I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.

8. Jack Russell Terrier:
I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.

9. Old English Sheep Dog:
Light bulb?
I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb?

10. Cocker Spaniel:
Why change it?
I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

11. Chihuahua :
Yo quiero Taco Bulb.

12. Pointer:
I see it, there it is, there it is, right there ...

13. Greyhound:
It isn't moving.
Who cares?

14. Australian Shepherd:
First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle ...

15. Poodle:
I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it.
By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

The Cat's Answer:
"Dogs do not change light bulbs.
People change light bulbs.
So, the real question is: How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?"

ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE STAFF.

[underpants]

23. How many Virginians does it take to change a lightbulb?

3
One to change it and two to remembah how good the ooooooooooold one was.

[WoodrowFan]

35. How many Marylanders Does it Take?

Three, one to change the bulb, one to whine that if DC gets one, Maryland's will be worth less, and one to take Virginia to court to try and grab theirs. :p

[mac56]

24. How many mystery writers does it take?

Two. One to screw it in almost all the way in, and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.

[CanuckAmok]

63. I heard that...

They actually start with the new lightbulb in the socket, and work their way backwards...

[TXlib]

25. How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

That's not funny!!!

[TXlib]

26. How many vegans does it take to change a light bulb?

That's SOOO not funny!!!

[TXlib]

27. How many barbarians does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one.

The funny part is how many light bulbs it takes him...

[TXlib]

28. How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just two; same as anywhere else.

[mantis49]

38. How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, but how did they get in there?

[TXlib]

29. How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

Fish.

[CO Liberal]

34. Alternate Answer

Two. One to hold the giraffe, and one to fill the bathtub with brightly painted machine tools.

[mac56]

30. How many Zen masters does it take?

Two. One to change the lightbulb, and one not to change the lightbulb.

[mac56]

31. How many Kervorkians does it take?

None. When the bulb burns out, the mission is accomplished.

[mac56]

32. How many Liberterians does it take?

If the government would just leave it alone, the light bulb would change itself.

[alarcojon]

33. How many fratboys...

Five. One to hold it in place and four to drink until the room starts spinning.

B-)

[NoPasaran]

36. How many software writers ...

None. Microsoft declares darkness the new standard.

[NoPasaran]

37. How many Texans?

One to screw it in.
Two to get in a fight over it.
And one to write a song bragging about it.

[sasquatch]

39. How many drummers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

5, one to hold the bulb and four to sit in every corner of the room to drink till the room spins:silly:

[THUNDER HANDS]

40. How many DUers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Depends on what forum they're changing it in.

In the Lounge it'd take about a 100. One to screw it in and 99 to laugh whenever he said he was just gonna "screw" this in.

In GD it just wouldn't happen. Half the board would screw it clockwise and the other half counterclockwise.

In LBN it would just take one person, but nobody else would believe it was a real lightbulb and not a secret plant from Ashcroft.

[TrogL]

41. How many engineers does it take to change a lightbulb

One, but first he'd turn on the switch and find out it wasn't broken.

[blockhead]

42. how many republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, but if we all pray hard enough,maybe it will change on its own.

[blockhead]

43. how many Californians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. californians screw in hot tubs.

[TrogL]

44. How many drummers would it take to change a light bulb

Drummers don't watch what's going on - they don't need light.

[TrogL]

45. How many vocalists does it change to take a light bulb?

(I was going to fix the title, but it's much more interesting this way. I need sleep.)

Vocalists don't change light bulbs. They demand more lights, spotlights, strobe lights, fill lights, accent lights...

[TrogL]

47. How many keyboard players does it take to change a light bulb?

If it can't be done with MIDI, they won't do it.

[TrogL]

48. How many guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?

You're kidding, right?

[TrogL]

49. How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

*stares at 48 track mixing board*

Geez...which one?

[TrogL]

50. How many lighting engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Several dozen. They've got a better union than musicians.

[TrogL]

51. How many roadies does it take to change a light bulb?

Roadies are too busy screwing the groupies.

[TrogL]

52. How many groupies does it change to take a light bulb?

(You had to know this was coming)

Groupies do it in the dark.

[TrogL]

53. How many fans does it take to change a light bulb?

We have fans?

[alarcojon]

56. How many guitarists does it take

Five. One to change it and four to stand around and say "that's good, but I could have done better.

B-)

[burythehatchet]

46. How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

2 - But it gets pretty crowded in there

[Vitruvius]

54. How many "Survivors" does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three. One to change the bulb and two to kick the ladder out from under him.

------------

The joke has also been told as:

How many IBMers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One engineer to change the bulb and two managers to kick the ladder out from under him.

You can substitute 'Microsoftie' or 'Bell Lab-er' or wherever you work for 'IBMer' in the above...

[Nihil]

55. How many bass players does it take?

None, the keyboard player does it with his left hand ...

B-)

[Deja Q]

57. If knowledge is power...

then George Bush is a 2 watt light bulb!

[Kitsune]

58. How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. That's a hardware problem. :evilgrin:

My personal favorite. ^^

[ornotna]

59. How many Conservative economists does it take to change a lightbulb ?

None. "There is no need to change the lightbulb. All the conditions for
illumination are in place. Recent surveys show growing confidence in the
lightbulb lighting up again."

[C_eh_N_eh_D_eh]

60. How many Right-to-Lifers does it take?

Three. Two to put in the new bulb, and one to testify that it was lit the moment they started screwing.

[C_eh_N_eh_D_eh]

61. How many actresses does it take?

Just one, but you should have seen the line outside the producer's hotel room.