Santa Asked To RESIGN !

[Dover]

NPP. North Pole Press

Fri, Dec. 19, 2003

by An Anonymous Elf

In light of new allegations that he accepted bribes from the Coal Industry, Santa was asked to resign today.

He has so far refused to acknowledge what some investigative reporters have referred to as The List, a document which is alleged to reveal the names of those beneficiaries who had made illegal contributions to Santa and his global Bi-Polar affiliations.
Santa announced his resignation after learning that a red-nosed whistleblower from his north coast transportation office, had shed new light on the case, with claims that Santa did have knowledge of The List and checked it not once but TWICE.

As Santa was being sled away by his attorneys, he told reporters that Jesus, himself, directed him to "rise up and spread his gifts around the world" in whatever way he saw fit.

These allegations come on the heels of a public outcry and prior legal suit challenging the rules being imposed by Santa in his North Poler's Act, which is alleged to be treading on 1st Amendment rights of privacy.

The watchdog group, E.L.F.M (Even Little F*ckers Matter), submitted to the courts that Santa does NOT, in fact, have the right to "see them when they're sleeping, and know when they're awake". Further, Santa's reference to them as either 'bad' or 'good' (for goodness sakes!) was beyond his authority to decide, and that those whom Santa had defined as 'bad' were often simply just disenfranchized elves or freedom reindeer who felt the true meaning of Christmas had been stolen from them. Such tactics, they claimed, were having a destructive polarizing affect on the citizens of the North Pole, which could lead to a polar shift.

[Gman]

1. Sounds like Santa may be a Republican

:disillusioned:

[Dover]

2. Inspired by a true story.....>

Connecticut governor says he was called by God


http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2003/12/19/wgod19.xml&sSheet=/portal/2003/12/19/ixportal.html&secureRefresh=true&_requestid=125887

The governor of the strait-laced New England state of Connecticut has rejected calls for his resignation over corruption allegations, saying he is in direct contact with God.

In a performance worthy of a fallen "televangelist" John Rowland, who has admitted accepting favours and gifts from powerful businessmen, defended his position by saying the Almighty had called to him "loud and clear" in his "adversity".

Mr Rowland, a Republican who faces a federal inquiry into the awarding of lucrative state contracts, spoke flanked by local soldiers recently returned from Iraq.

At the same public appearance, before a sympathetic audience of businessmen and lobbyists, the governor's wife delivered her own version of the poem The Night Before Christmas, in which she predicted that Father Christmas would deliver coal, rather than presents, to a local newspaper which unmasked her husband as lying about who paid for expensive repairs to their lakeside cottage...>>

[devilgrrl]

3. Santa's a NeoCon!

Elf Liberation Front!!!!