funniest jokes in the world

[cryofan]

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"


............................

[Loonman]

1. Lem and Ephus

From "Men from Maine"


Lem: Well, Ephus, I'm writing a column for our local paper, do you have any good stories?

Ephus: Ayuh, we heard a cow was lost so me and whole buncha fellas got together, got drunk, found the cow and had our filthy way with it out in the woods.

Lem: Gosh, Ephus, I can't print that, got any other stories?

Ephus: Ayuh, we heard a sheep was lost so me and whole buncha fellas got together, got drunk, found the sheep and had our filthy way with it out in the woods.

Lem: C'mon Ephus, I can't print that, either

Ephus: Well, the other day I got lost in the woods......

[areschild]

2. LMAO!! n/t

[Flightful]

3. This one was banned as a war crime

Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer? Ja!...
Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!

[ironflange]

7. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAAAAAA!!!!!!!

<thunk>

[BlueJazz]

4. This is one of my favorites.....

Little David was in his 5th grade class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up -Fireman, policeman, salesman, etc...

David was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father.

"My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer's really good, he'll go out to the alley with some guy and make love with him for money. " The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some coloring, and took Little David aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your father?"
"Well, No," said David, "He really works for the Bush administration, but frankly, I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."

[RandomKoolzip]

5. How do you get a nun pregnant?

Fuck her.



Sorry, I thought it was funny. Sure it's offensive...Mods, go ahead and delete this if you think it's too nasty to stand.

[salinen]

6. It goes this way.

What's sure fire way to make a nun pregnant? Dress her as an alterboy.