UK Trade Union Council advice on avoiding Office Party trauma (Guardian)

[Screaming Lord Byron]

The "psychological terror" of being subjected to hours of piped Christmas music has joined low pay, long hours, few holidays and poor conditions on the TUC's hit list. According to Congress House's own David Brent, endless hours of listening to Silent Night and Jingle Bells makes shopworkers "aggressive and confrontational". So if you ho-ho-ho at the cash desk, duck.

The TUC Brent also offers advice on the issue of office parties, photocopiers and bare bottoms: "If the office Christmas party goes really traditional and you end up making 'cheeky' photocopies, you won't be exposed to toner or harmful light for long enough to hurt you, but you may well find yourself spending the rest of the evening face down in casualty, having shards of glass removed from your bottom." This is a surprisingly common occurrence, as photocopiers simply aren't designed to be robust enough to take any kind of weight, even if yours has managed to withstand a lot of rough treatment and kicks all year."

Horseplay? Brother Brent says: "The same goes with most other office or workplace equipment from staple gun shoot outs, paper-opener sword fights to re-enacting the French Revolution with the office guillotine. It goes without saying that items of work equipment are not toys, but in drunken hands, even fairly innocuous devices can turn seriously dangerous." And affairs? Here TUC Brent advises the amorous to first consult their contract or staff handbook, under the section on relationships, before popping into the stationery cupboard. Priceless

http://politics.guardian.co.uk/columnist/story/0,9321,1110473,00.html