How long should I wait to call a girl back?

[45th Med]

I called yesterday (Friday) at 3:30PM for her to call me when she had a chance. How long should I wait to call again?

[absyntheNsugar]

1. 3 days is the rule

set forth in "Swingers"

When I was single I lived by that rule.

[KissMyAsscroft]

3. Correct...3 days is it.

Swingers is a great movie.

[tsipple]

9. Although a Gift Is Certainly Allowed

If you really care about this person, you may wish to send a gift before the three days is up. It's a way to send a message that's warmer than a phone message.

I think it's a good move to send it to the office where she works, so her friends and coworkers see how special you are. Peer pressure does work. :7 So if you have something delivered Monday... perfect.

[absyntheNsugar]

10. Although you don't want to be the guy...

in the PG movie that everyone is hoping is going to get the girl...

You want to be the guy in the R Rated movie that nobody's sure of yet...

Trust me :-D

[tsipple]

12. I Think I Catch Your Drift...

...But try that one more time if you can rephrase.

It is possible to be a little of both. (If I do catch your drift.)

[absyntheNsugar]

14. Well according to the Vince Vaughn character in "Swingers"

(sorry that movie kinda laid out my dating philosophy for me)

...being the "nice guy" is a bad idea. You never want to be desperate...the last thing a girl wants is a lost puppy following them around, buying them gifts just to get her attention. She will want a guy that is hard to get, but when his attention is drawn makes it worth it. This can be accomplished by:

1 - Following the 3-day rule and not making it look like you are sitting by the phone waiting for her call.
2 - When you are around her, give her your undivided attention.

Also - never volunteer the "whole story". Be more Snake Pliskin and less Roberto Beningi. Even if the woman really loved "Life is Beautiful," she wants Snake, trust me.

[KittyWampus]

16. Can I Interject? As A Woman Who Deplores Pretense

just be yourself... I happen to really LIKE nice guys.

You don't have to be rich, look like a model or play games.

And the longest relationships I've had- conversation and laughter flowed freely. There was no "trying to be mysterious" or mr. joe cool.

Just be yourself.

If she's not into NICE GUYS then she has problems of her own- which you can't solve for her.

[tsipple]

18. See, You Say That, Then...

...We nice guys are here at DU on a Saturday evening. :evilgrin:

But I hear you, and I have faith.

[absyntheNsugar]

23. With all due respect, I disagree

Women who say they just want a nice guy mean they want a guy who becomes a nice guy.

First impressions and secondary ones are two things altogether. When you first meet, if you're Johnny Niceguy you'll forever be labelled "the nice guy" and "a good friend" - basically, nothing beyond the platonic.

But if you set the allure and charm first thing, when you get to know her you can (and should) be the nice guy. But not at first.

Remember, when you meet someone, you don't meet that person. You meet their representative - not them.

[Kamika]

25. Ok listen up, absynth has some good points

I for one hates it when guys acts like theyre a castmember of friends.. if they just want to be my friend they shouldnt fall in love with me and its Really hard to fall in love with a guy you labeled as a friend.

About the 3 day rule.. I'm not so sure about that one.. every 3 hours is too much but like once a day is cool

[tsipple]

17. OK, Got It

And I did say "gift" (singular), and a very public one (so all her officemates can gawk). Not saying you keep guying lots of stuff every day for the sake of buying stuff.

We all like to show off a little bit, and the unstated "Look what MY boyfriend/girlfriend gave me!" routine is pretty cool whether you're on the giving or the receiving end.

By the way, if any female DUers would like a ride in my airplane -- to be whisked to lakefront dinner in the next state, to pick an example -- please do say hello. :-)

[KittyWampus]

19. HEY! Fly Here To Eastern Long Island

I'll boil you a lobster!

But we'd better not talk about the primary.... :)

[tsipple]

20. About that primary...

But we'd better not talk about the primary....

Well, we might agree on the ticket, just not on the order. :-)

[AngryAmish]

43. NO GIFTS

She'll think you are a sucker.

[HEyHEY]

39. no no everybodywaits three days!

[Kamika]

2. tonight

I guess.. or tomorrow during the day..




EDIT: Don't mind me though I'm a girl. I don't know the secret batchelor 3 day stuff

[GOPisEvil]

4. Don't ask me!

Whenever I call, no matter how many days have passed, it the WRONG time . x(

Bitter? Me? Never. ;-)

[Systematic Chaos]

5. If you're sure she has your number

and she's not calling you, the best thing to do is forget about it. The ball is in her court since you called her and asked her to call you when she had time.

[Kamika]

7. *MEEEP* Wrong answer

She might have forgotten, lost your number, busy, or is the kind of gal who likes it when the guy works abit :)

[45th Med]

8. She has it.

Last week, I called on Sunday and she called me back on Monday.

[Kanary]

26. If she's like me

It's totally possible she still lost it.

Right now I can't find an address I know I have.

It happens.

for my .0002...... Be yourself. All the game playing is not only exhausting, but it doesn't bode well for the future, should she turn out to be the one you'd like to get to know really well. Just reading about all the gamey suggestions makes me feel tired. Really, what is to be gained by that? If you played the games and you get together, then it takes a lot of time and false starts to get through the layers of pretense. If you play the games and it doesn't work, then you wonder if you played the game wrong, or just the wrong game. sigh.... Very exhausting.

Just be yourself, and set the tone for her to be herself. Then, if you get together, it's comfortable and no worries about the rules of the game.

Oh, and as for the crappy remark that women *say* they want a nice guy, but don't really.... gak. Yes, I'm older, but if that is true, then things are headed down the crapper anyway. I can tell you that women I know deeply appreciate the nice guys. So, if they ones you're hanging around don't, then I would suggest looking for the ones who do.

What I have noticed is that men go only for the loooks, and then get upset when they aren't treated the way they think they should be. Not knowing you, I don't know if that fits, but if it does, it bears some rethinking.

Good luck!

Kanary

[45th Med]

35. Well, the girl is.....

a single mom of two so I can't expect to be first or even second priority. I'm a patient man and I can also be persistant but not suffocating.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

6. Call tomorrow or even today..don't play games

Maybe her friend had her baby...cool down and don't make it mean anything. YOu seem like a very nice cordial guy...just be yourself..heck..I'm a gay woman and from what I have witnessed about your values and communication skills, you seem like a charming enough man...don't worry, fella...you're worth it :D

and remember she's juggling two kids....sometimes you wanna call back and next thing you knwo you get side tracked and next thing you know you're pooped and you pass out..

[tsipple]

11. I Disagree a Bit

See my gift comments above. I don't think you keep calling. Speaking as a guy on the receiving end, I hated when a prospective girlfriend kept calling me every three hours.

We're all a little different in how often we need to be in contact with our sweeties, and at this stage I'm guessing that you're still trying to figure that out: what works for both of you. So, absent compelling information to the contrary, I like the three day rule.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

13. I hate rules where human beings are concerned

especially relationships...they are contrived and smack of game playing...do what feels right and have an ounce of intuition handy.

[absyntheNsugar]

15. Question for ya....

When you meat a prospective significant other....what behavior would you rather see displayed?

- That person calls you and leaves 20 voice messages on your answering machine.

- That person plays it cool and doesn't call you right away...waits and creates that aura of hard to get.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

21. Who said anything about 20 calls? I would change my number

if anyone left 20 calls. When I do meet people like that I do my best to be myself and do what feels right at the time. IF it doesn't turn out at least the real me was in the game...

[45th Med]

22. It's her sister who is expecting. I work with her sister too......

she's like 8 days overdue. I'm kinda worried.

I'll be cool. I don't expect anything from her and I don't mind going out of my way for her. :D

[jpgray]

24. Wait for her to call you, and if it isn't serious, go date another girl

If she doesn't return your calls and you're ambivalent, don't play the game. Yeah, some girls like a guy to work for it, but don't be that guy if she's just another date. You left a message saying "call me", so she'll call you. In the meantime, if two or so days go by with no call, go explore other options.

If it's serious or you *really* like her, give her that two-day chance to answer, and then call back if she doesn't. And sound like an overanxious spineless bit of jelly she has wrapped around her little finger--always works for me. :)

edit: if her sister is due, yeah waiting a few would be in order. :)

[bushedout]

27. The fact that you're thinking about it means you're already in trouble

She has your number. I would wait at least around a week and a half since you last called her to call her again. If she still doesn't call you back, forget her and move on to the next one.

[jpgray]

29. Nah, if he likes her a lot he should pursue it

Persistence is important when you really like a girl--don't take no for an answer when getting that date, at least for the first five times. :D I swear, one of the best relationships I've had took that kind of persistence--if half of her wants to date you, she'll cave; if not, you'll feel utterly crushed and rejected, but ready for further trials and tribulations. What will bother you most is the missed chance.

If you don't like her all that much, then yeah--leave it after two or three days and go somewhere else.

[45th Med]

31. Well, I know.....or think she cares about me.......

I've gotten every indication that she cares about me. I always get hugs and pecks on the cheek at work. She will sneak up behind me and tickle my ribs.....or give my ribs a rub. And in return, I give her a back/neck massage. :D

It's been give and take.

[Kamika]

28. Ok i need to say this do NOT wait and see and then don't call her

I see a bunch of guys writing wait and if she doesn't call you forget about her..

Ok see thats totally wrong.. She might have lost the nr.. or she wants you to call her.. in worst case you'll get a cheap excuse on why she isn't interested in you but thats better then letting her slipping away not knowing what might have happened.

I say wait 2 days and then call

[jpgray]

30. If he's ambivalent about her and left a message, he's fine to leave it

In my opinion of course.

[Kanary]

32. I read this and I'm ever so glad not to be young anymore!

All the "do this", "wait", "don't wait"..... sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh!

All the effort in trying to guess what the other person wants, or doesn't want, or...

So what if you're a person who likes more contact, and wants to call more often.... there are women who want that too, so if you're just being yourself, then the women who like that will respond. The others won't, and that's OK because it's not a good "fit" anyway.

If you know her some, and are concerned about her sister, it's OK to check that out. Being concerned is a Good Thing.

There are no scripts to follow, no lines to memorize.

I was thinking the other day it would be nice to be young again. GAK. What was I thinking? It's hell.

Do what feels right to you, do it with conviction, and it'll all work out, and you'll live through being young. Really.

Kanary

[45th Med]

33. Then end up.....

old and alone.....lol. j/k

[Kanary]

40. How very..

...progressive of you.

Keep many friends with that kind of snide remarks?

[45th Med]

41. I was only letting my cynical side speak out.....

I was only joking as well. I'm only 28 so....never too old to become cynical and bitter.

[pasadenaboy]

34. Never

Call once. If she doesn't call you back, she doesn't want to talk to you. If she knows you will chase her like a puppy dog, you are setting yourself up for a miserable relationship.

If you are not sure she got your message, wait three days or so. But if you know she got it, don't call. Or if you really have to, don't leave a message, just call to you actually get a hold of her.

Just my two cents.

[sistersofmercy]

36. Ok I'll give you a little advice

Don't call her for at least 2 days, though 3 is better. The pretense sucks but it's a part of dating. Most women don't want a guy to call them everyday in the beginning of dating. It's a sign to most women that you might be smothering in a relationship and most women have already had the displeasure or have a girlfriend who has. Believe me we talked about men amongst each other, do comparisons etc.
I am sorry to inform you though a neck/back rub for a little tickle on the ribs is not give and take. She probably likes you though.
In the beginning of dating I would never call a man, I'd call a potential friend but not a potential date.

[45th Med]

37. Well......

what I mean is that she'll come and look for me at the office and sneak up and give a tickle. We'll talk for a few and later I'll look for her before I go home and give her a back rub before I leave. We've been flirting for a good 5 months now. Just went on a first date type situation on Thursday to my Dad's employee party, but I did invite her and we met there. Admittedly, she didn't hear me right and thought I said 6pm when I knew I said 6:30pm. She only had to wait about 15 minutes for me, she got there when my dad was already there so he kept her company til I got there.

[sistersofmercy]

38. If she went to a party where

your father was going to be, she must like you a lot or she thinks of you as a potential friend. Sounds like she likes you a lot to me, so you should just chill. Call her tomorrow, buy tickets to something, nail her down to another date. In fact I'd be willing to bet she calls you tomorrow. Good luck.

[45th Med]

42. SO, SHOULD I CALL TODAY OR WAIT UNTIL MONDAY?

HEHE, I know.....I'm useless without good advice!

[populistmom]

44. Go with your gut

If it's right and things are meant to "click", it will. If it's not, "perfect timing" (whatever the hell that is?) won't make a bit of difference.