Etiquette question: When going to a wedding reception,

[Blue Diadem]

and being seated with the parents of the Bride or Groom, is it ok to go visit at other tables?

We're in a situation where we'd planned on sitting with another couple who we haven't seen in years. Out of all the guests, my friend's husband only knows me and my husband. I found out the other day that we have been placed with the bride's family who most likely will be out socializing with the guests anyway. Thing is..the Brides Mom is making a big deal out of it. She was quite nasty when I mentioned that we were going to sit with our friends and she told me "NO, It's not going to happen...you are sitting with us. That's how I found out about the arranged seating.

Is it rude to spend only a portion of the evening at that table?

[hippywife]

1. I've never been to a reception

where everyone was glued to their seats. And the bride's family will surely be visiting around. I say, after the initial formalities, dinner or whatever, you should feel free to do the same.

[Lars39]

2. The...

Bride's mom. :scared:

[Gormy Cuss]

3. You are in a pickle.

At a certain point, after the meal, most people move about to visit with other friends or family in attendance. Because you have raised the ire of a MomZilla, you should be careful to limit your time visiting with this other couple. It would be rude to do otherwise knowing how MomZilla feels about it and her sentiments will get back to the bride and groom. Why cause THEM any stress that they don't need?

The upside is you can make arrangements to talk again with the couple in the future, or exchange email addys, et cetera, as a way of reestablishing contact.

[WolverineDG]

22. Why let MomZilla dictate what you do at the reception?

If the formalities have been met & are over, & everyone else is socializing, why the hell should the OP feel obligated to stay glued to her seat to avoid the "ire of MomZilla?" I, too, have yet to be at a reception where everyone has been instructed to remain in their seats & socialize only with the people at their table.

dg

[Gormy Cuss]

32. To keep the peace.

Did you read my post?
First, note that I wrote it was better to try to appease MomZilla than risk causing discomfort for the couple getting married. Primary rule of etiquette for weddings: avoid any actions that may dampen the day for the couple.
I also did not indicate that the OP should stay glued to the chair at the point where others are getting up and mingling, just that the OP should not make an obvious abandonment of the brides' table. For example, at the first opportunity jumping up with handbags and jackets and planting at the table of the other couple, sending the clear signal that one is escaping from a captive state. That would be rude.

[Rabrrrrrr]

4. One of the requirements at a reception is socializing and getting away

from your table.

I can't understand from your post whether it's friends of yours getting married and who knows who, but that doesn't really matter - to sit at one's table all night and flit around socializing and talking to people is rudeness. And after the meal is done, assuming that there's music and dancing, you can even go sit at other tables.

I'm afraid that you are, however, stuck at the table during the meal itself.

[Ravenseye]

5. You're fine

Maybe she thought you were saying you were going to sit with the other couple for dinner?

Be honored that you're sitting with the bride's family, as that's somewhat of a recognition to be placed there. Socialize with whoever you like before dinner. Sit at your assigned seats and socialize during dinner, and then afterwards go off and do your own thing again. I've never been to a wedding where you weren't allowed to leave your table or to not be able to talk to people at a different table.

Just sit for dinner where you're told, and otherwise socialize away. It's not like the bride's mother is only going to talk to you all night.

[Bunny]

6. That is exactly the correct answer.

So says Bunny, aka Miss Manners.

:D

[Blue Diadem]

7. Thanks everyone, you've put my mind at ease.

I planned on socializing but wasn't sure if it would be appropriate considering the Bride's Mom's reaction.

I know it will probably cause some problems..she's been emailing me today about it. Almost makes me not want to go..

[WolverineDG]

24. You can respond to her with good manners

as in it is good manners to make everyone feel welcome and since you know your friend's husband doesn't know anyone else, you want him to feel welcome & introduce him to other people so he has a good time as well at this party they are paying a gazillion dollars for. Would she want this guy to have a lousy time? I think not.

dg

[Blue Diadem]

31. Thanks DG, I just emailed her a while ago saying something

very similar. She responded that she understands now. Whew! Maybe it'll turn out ok after all.

[calico1]

8. Perhaps the Mom thought you meant

you were going to sit at the other table the whole time....switch with someone. I have never been to any reception where anyone stays in their seat the whole time. I imagine there will be time before the seating when everyone arrives and after dinner when you can socialize with your friends. And it would be perfectly alright to do so. Have fun! :)

[never cry wolf]

9. A typical reception takes what, 3, 4 or 5 hours?

The meal is the only time you are really sitting at the table, maybe 45 mins. You can spend plenty of time with your friends, maybe even go out with them afterwards.

[Liberal Dose]

10. Wow! Ignore the Mom from hell and sit where you want. If you have a place

card in front of your plate, just bring it with you. I DARE her to ruin her daughter's wedding day by making a scene over something so petty. :evilgrin:

[havocmom]

13. Some mothers WOULD ruin wedding day by making a scene

Some are just begging for an excuse to upstage the wedding couple. Yes, there are people that rotten spoiled/jealous.

Biggest reason I won't make wedding dresses is the mothers. There are a lot of people nursing hurt feelings from childhood and wedding planning tends to bring out their worst behavior. Too much tension from too many disappointments in lives = all hell breaking loose in many cases.

[Liberal Dose]

16. I hope I never get to meet anyone who would exhibit such deplorable

behavior.
I did see an episode of CSI where the mom in law was a bitch and ended up tied to the back of the bride & groom's car along with the cans. It's one of my favorite episodes. O8)

[havocmom]

20. Have seen WAY too many of them in my day

I won't even go to a wedding anymore.

I saw that CSI episode. And totally understood. Could tell ya tales that would make your hair curl.

[Critters2]

25. Absolutely

I do weddings for a living (among other things), and if there's a problem, 9 times out of 10 the bride's mother is involved. The other time it's the groom's mother :). I hate that I do this, but to keep peace, I specifically ask the bride's mother whether things seem okay with her at the rehearsal. None has ever asked for anything to be changed, but in the days before I started doing this, I dealt with some real momzillas.

[Whoa_Nelly]

11. That day belongs to the bride and groom

Not the bride's mother.

She can hissy-fit all she likes. Go with the arranged seating for when it starts, show respect for the bride and groom by being at your seats during the toasts, then move along and socialize and sit wherever :)

[Bucky]

12. Follow Nelly's advice (see above), but don't forget the OTHER tradition...

It is traditional at most wedding receptions to get start a cake fight, shit faced drunk, hit on the groom's mother or best man (your choice), and then go tell at least one elderly aunt just what the hell you really think about her goddamned loser of a son.

[Bunny]

15. Finish up by puking on the Father of the Bride's shoes.

Ahh - perfect!!!

[Rabrrrrrr]

17. Of course, a truly well-tempered follower of etiquette would only throw up

peppermint schnapps.

[Bunny]

26. I am glad to see so many other etiquette mavens here.

I am in good company. :thumbsup:

[Blue Diadem]

21. How about a drunken Mom taking the mike and singing

Won't you come home Bill Bailey.

:scared: I saw that happen once.

[LaurenG]

14. Once you've eaten

You can feel free to socialize. The brides mom will probably want to mingle as well.

[Blue Diadem]

23. Thanks, that's what we plan on doing. I think I may give

the bride's mom a nudge to socialize. This is her first child getting married so she may be unaware of her social duties.

[MissMillie]

18. spend your time on the dance floor

then no one can complain about where you are or aren't sitting. Have your friend and her husband join you there.

[Rabrrrrrr]

19. In fact, she should park herself on the floor

with a case of Mike's Hard Lemonade and sit there and cry and badger the guests with insults like "YOu think you're so special, you fuckers" and "Stop looking at me, you fuckers!" and "This was supposed to be MY day, you fuckers!" and "I was doing the groom when we were in junior high and now it's just all this with the wedding and marriage being left alone ...laughed at and ridiculed ... by FUCKERS! YOu're ALL FUCKERS!!! Why come I never had a chance to breath down him and a FUCKING RING YOU BITCH! sitting there like a tree WELL YOU'RE NOTHING! CHEAP WHORE!! rotten fucking losers have it all in their heads to be against me and spend a honeymoon and money and LEAVING ME IN DEBT up to my ears hearing and listening to OH MY GOD THIS IS MY FAVORITE SONG!!" and at that point she stands up, throw up her entire dinner and about 17 of the lemonades, and refuses to move until the cops have to be called.

[Critters2]

27. Apparently they do weddings differently in Wisconsin

Why am I not surprised?

[Rabrrrrrr]

29. And after the cake is served, we kill and eat the bride's grandfather

Long tradition of eating people in WI.

[Critters2]

30. Welll, that I knew. Cannibalism and cheese curds

What's not to love?

[hippywife]

28. ...

:rofl:

The first time I read that, I thought you were saying that was what the bride's mother should do!

:rofl:

[MissMillie]

33. Well, then.....

.........

..........


.............


I got nothin'.