Well, Dad passed away today,

[Maat]

after a nine-year bout with alcohol-induced dementia. He had just been a body for that nine years. He went into an alcohol-withdrawal-induced coma nine years ago, after his brain had begun to significantly shrink. He collapsed one day, and then went into the coma. When he awakened, he wasn't my Dad anymore, and had to be in a locked facility the whole time. He began by being completely psychotic, but remembering some things for short periods (at least our names) and then quickly progressed to an infant-like-state.

I thought I'd dealt with it, but, when we got the final word today, that they had found him deceased, at about 3 P.M. today, I did break down and cry.

I'm good now, though. I had been developing my real estate business (yes, you can - it's a buyer's market), but I called work, and rescheduled some classes.

My kid never knew her grandpa (she's o.k. with it). Hubby stayed home from meetings just to deal with getting the kid through homework (I'm not thinking too straight today).

The good news is that Malloy, one of my favorite radio hosts, met with people in New York today (anything to distract me). There will be lots of family business to deal with, and some estate matters. My sis and I are just going to meet at SeaWorld Saturday, with our kids (a favorite place), and just chill.

[bertha katzenengel]

1. Maat, I'm sorry.

I'm glad you've decided to take some chill time on Saturday. Great idea. :hug:

[Maat]

9. Thank you (n/t)!

[blondeatlast]

2. Sorry to hear this. Take care of yourself, my friend.

:hug:

[Maat]

10. Thank you (n/t)!

[Redstone]

3. That's a hard deal for you. Be well.

Redstone

[Maat]

11. Thanks.

I'm sure talking about political silliness with my DU buddies will distract me.

[Redstone]

15. Anything that helps you is worth doing.;

Redstone

[Maat]

32. You're right.

Poltics, etc., is a great distractor!

[haf216]

4. Sorry to hear that.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

[Maat]

12. Thank you. Take care!

[Road Scholar]

5. I'm sorry. :(((( I remember when my dad died like it was

yesterday, though it was 13 years ago. He had a lengthy illness too, and I remember feeling guilty for the relief that it was finally over. My best to you.

[Maat]

14. I definitely understand.

I feel sadness, then relief ('cause he's out of that body).

[zanne]

25. My mother wasn't able to communicate for years

She had Alzheimer's, sometimes known as "the long goodbye". I'm sure you can relate. I grieved for her while she was still alive. Her body was here, but she was gone. I thought I had prepared myself for her death, but when she died, I started thinking of the years before she got sick and I mourned her all over again. Your dad is better off now. So is my mother. I'm not a religious person, but I keep thinking that she's somewhere out there, healthy and vibrant again. It helps.

[Maat]

36. Yep.

I'm sure Dad is partying and socializing in the Great Beyond.

[ChoralScholar]

6. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

It's never easy to lose a parent, especially if you've watched them deteriorate.

My mother was killed by a massive stroke. So, in a way, I was fortunate to be spared the decline.

:hug:

[Maat]

17. Thanks for the hug.

I know that both our parents' protective energy surrounds us. Dad would have killed himself rather than be in this state for nine years; but, the decision was made for him. Now, he's free of that body that had so let him down.

[Ptah]

7. .

[Maat]

20. Thanks.

My DU friends make me feel better.

[RevCheesehead]

8. I'm so sad to hear about this.

For your faithfulness and endurance, as well as your love, I offer my deepest sympathy. :hug::hug::hug:

[Maat]

22. Thanks, Rev.

I just know that he transitioned well, and he's free of that wretched body. He's probably partying in the Great Beyond now.

[Floogeldy]

13. Weird

[GoddessOfGuinness]

16. Oh Maat...

I'm so sorry. :hug:

[Maat]

24. Thanks.

Thanks for the hug.

[graywarrior]

18. Very sorry to hear that. Drinking killed my dad, too.

Don't know exactly how you feel, but I've been there.

[Maat]

26. Thanks, Graywarrior.

I'll bet you understand quite a bit.

I remember a doctor once telling me, "Tell him to stop drinking."

I told him, "No one ever tells Danny anything. YOU tell him."

Dad used to always say, "I'm living my life the way I want to live it." And, he MEANT it.

[graywarrior]

29. My dad was a paratrooper in WWII. You couldn't talk him out of

anything. His head exploded from booze in '77 at 51 years of age. He knew it would happen. Didn't give a shit.

I quit drinking coz I wanted to. He wanted to die. He did.

[Maat]

33. Boy, do I understand where you are coming from!

At least I think I do.

He had great conflict with HIS father (who was the greatest grandfather in the world - to me).

Dad was a veteran of the Korean conflict.

My dad also knew it would happen - and he didn't care.

I only have a lite beer once a month. My kid doesn't even like me doing that.

I'm glad you stopped drinking.

My hubby doesn't drink at all.

[graywarrior]

34. Hear ya.

Nearly everyone in my family died from booze or drugs. Don't know why not me. I have other obsessions that destroy me, tho not as bad. My head never stops.

[Maat]

35. Well, at least you're on a Board discussing it all.

That's a good sign.

I have a Master's in Psych. We were always taught that the majority of high-achievers in America are obsessive (not in the constant hand-washing sense, more in the "meticulous attention to detail in college classes"). They tested us in grad school, and said, "Well, you're typical American grad students."

I'm sorry to hear about the others in your family. My mother is a nurse, but, since her doctor friends have always prescribed it for her, it's 'medication,' not 'addiction.' Yeah, right. 'Cept the Doc told her, "No more Vicodin," and then gave her something else. She's retired. She has always done what she wanted also.

Thank God for my paternal grandparents, who died within six months of each other in the 80's! They essentially raised my sis and I (both now in our 40's).

[graywarrior]

38. And at least you know what you're dealing with, being

a master psycho.

My disease is off and running right now...all it took was one little thing and bam. I have to be careful right now.

[Maat]

39. I'm definitely a Psycho (HeeHee).

My prayers/positive energy is headed your way.

The first thing they taught us was that AWARENESS was the key. At least you are AWARE you have to be careful (that's the biggest part of recovery).

I pray (in the positive-energy sense) that you will do what works for you (e.g. going to a support group, hanging around a good friend, or whatever).

Take care!

[graywarrior]

41. You too, my friend.

[JI7]

19. i'm sorry

:hug:

[Maat]

97. Thanks. Take care! (n/t)

[CaliforniaPeggy]

21. My dear maat.........

My deepest condolences to you on the death of your Dad......

:hug:

[Maat]

27. Thanks so much, CP.

He lived his life just the way he wanted to before "the Nine Years."

[RFKHumphreyObama]

23. Oh Maat, I'm so, so, so very sorry

Rest assured that you and your family have my deepest and most sincere and heartfelt thoughts, prayers, condolences and sympathies extended to you:hug: :hug: :hug:

[Maat]

28. Thank you.

That means a great deal.

[bridgit]

30. please accept our condolences...

[Maat]

31. Thank you.

He lived life to the fullest before that nine years.

[Broken_Hero]

37. Maat...

I'm sorry, I have no idea what you must be going through, but take heart, and stay strong....:hug:

[Maat]

102. Thanks again for the hug (n/t).

[u4ic]

40. My condolences to you, Maat

How sad that your father in that state for so long.

Please take care. :hug:

[Maat]

46. Thanks for the hug, u4ic! (n/t) Please take care.

[SeattleGirl]

42. My condolences, Maat

:hug:

[Maat]

104. Thank you for the hug (n/t).

[Kat45]

43. I'm so sorry to hear that.

At least he's no longer in anguish.

[Maat]

47. He's free from that body that let him down in the last period ..

of his life.

I hope he's partying in the Great Beyond.

[IChing]

44. I am sorry for your loss

“There is no grief like the grief that does not speak”
Longfellow:hug:

[Maat]

48. Thanks for the hug, IChing.

[Prisoner_Number_Six]

45. My condolences to your and your family

Losing a parent is rough- I've lost both of mine. The pain WILL fade with time.

[Maat]

49. Thanks for the understanding.

I'm sure we'll adjust.

Sending positive energy your way - I'm proud of you for getting through two such losses.

At least we carry on for them. I know that Dad is happy about that - in his present location and incarnation.

[Prisoner_Number_Six]

51. Thanks- it was their time when they went.

They both lived into their eighties, and they had full lives. It was easy to lay them to rest.

[Maat]

54. Well, Dad WAS 77.

That was a pretty good life for someone who, per a doctor, was running with 'no organs.'

Take care. I'm glad they lived good lives; both my grandparents made it until then. That's all one can ask.

[Robeson]

50. I'm very sorry, Maat...

...we're all here for you...:grouphug:

[Maat]

73. Thank you, Robeson.

:grouphug:

[pitohui]

52. jesus i'm so sorry

i have alzheimer's in my family so same song, different verse, i guess, it's tragic how our bodies betray us

:hug:

i would cry too, don't be too hard on yourself

[Maat]

74. Thanks.

I agree with the notion that you mourn when they first show signs of serious dementia, and then you mourn again when they pass.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

53. I'm sorry.

I lost my dad a few years ago and it really sucks.

:hug:

[Maat]

75. Yes, he's the parent I was close to.

It sucks; on the other hand, he's finally free of that diseased brain.

[judaspriestess]

55. My condolences

I grew up without a father, he left when I was two and never gave a crap about me after that. He's dead now and forgiven. Time marches on........

[Maat]

76. Yes, thank God (or the Universe or whatever) for time marching on.

And I'm grateful for the power of forgiveness (not necessarily having to have much to do with those who are self-centered and destructive, but at least not carrying around the emotional baggage while it destroys you inside).

Mother is the one neither my sister and I have ever got along with; she is the absolute and complete epitomy of a self-centered, irresponsible child. My parents were divorced when I was 12; now, I'll have to deal with HER frequently now, but I'll deal with it.

He was FAR too kind to her (after the nasty things she allegedly did to him), but I have to respect his wanting to provide a little something for all of us.

[Bunny]

56. Oh I'm sorry Maat.

May he rest in peace. :hug:

[Maat]

77. I know that he happily united with my paternal grandparents (n/t).

[ScreamingMeemie]

57. Oh Maat, I'm so sorry.

:hug: It has been a prolonged period of grief for you and I hope you soon find some peace.

[Maat]

78. Thank you, MrsGrumpy.

My sister and I didn't visit him very much after he became just a body (not even with the abilities of an infant - less than that).

I preferred to look at a picture I had of him, and remember. We had him in a home that saw to it that he was comfortable.

[LaurenG]

58. My condolences Maat

I'm so sorry.:hug:

[Maat]

79. Thank you (n/t)!

[xchrom]

59. sorry maat.

sending good vibes your way -- it's never easy to lose a parent.

[Maat]

105. Thank you for the hug (n/t).

[buddhamama]

60. My condolences Maat,

on the passing of your father. May you find some solace in the knowledge that his battle his over.

May he be at Peace. And you as well! :hug:

[Maat]

80. His battle is OVER.

And thanks for the hug.

[JVS]

61. My condolences.

[Maat]

81. Thank you (n/t).

[LostinVA]

62. Sorry, Maat....

Hugs....

[Maat]

82. Thanks for the much-appreciated hug (n/t).

[LostinVA]

95. More hugs

[miss_american_pie]

63. I'm sorry for your loss

:hug:

[Maat]

83. Thanks for the much-appreciated hug (n/t)!

[NC_Nurse]

64. I am sorry for your loss.

Sounds like it's been a long time coming...
I hope he rests in peace. :hug:

[Maat]

84. It's been a long time coming.

And I just know that his energy successfully transitioned to a higher level of being, and that he's with my wonderful paternal grandparents.

[leftyladyfrommo]

65. Ah, Maat. I'm sorry. What a sad thing. n/t

[Maat]

85. Thanks for the comfort, LeftyLady (n/t)!

It is much-appreciated.

[NewWaveChick1981]

66. Maat, I'm so sorry.

:hug: :hug: :grouphug: My dad has had problems with alcohol ever since I can remember. He's been recovering for about ten years now, and it took an aortic aneurysm that put him into a coma for four months to make him detox (that was 1996). I know how rough it can be, but you know much more than I do how much worse it can get. :hug: I'm sorry for you and your family.

[Maat]

106. Thank you for the hug (n/t).

[Pool Hall Ace]

67. Maat, I am so sorry.

Be good to yourself, and allow yourself to grieve. :hug:

[MissMillie]

68. Maat, you're in my thoughts

:hug:

It sounds to me like you lost your dad a long time ago. Even so, I'm sure this is a very difficult time for you. You have my deepest sympathies.

[Maat]

101. Take care, MissMillie.

Thanks again for the hug.

[bigwillq]

69. I am very sorry for your loss.

:hug:

[Maat]

103. Thanks you for the hug, bigwillq! (n/t)

[southpaw]

70. Peace to you and yours, Maat

[Maat]

91. Thank you, Southpaw.

I'm experiencing some inner peace now. He's free from that body, and anything that is devised (given) to me by him will have special meaning, and be a special 'gift.'

[Love Bug]

71. My condolences, Maat

:hug:

[Maat]

72. Thank you, DUers!

I'm going to work on thanking each one of you.

Thanks for the hugs.

They DID help SO much!

I'm much better today (Friday).

[dpbrown]

86. My condolences

It can't be easy.

[Maat]

89. Thank you for the sentiments.

It DOES make it better.

[Maat]

93. Thank you. Take care!

[Sugar Smack]

87. I'm so sorry, Maat. You're a very brave person

to have dealt with such a horrible thing. That sounds like 9 years of utter hell. Your story is a real eye-opener. :hug:

[Maat]

88. Thank you for the hug.

I'm realizing how many people really do die of alcohol-related diseases from the stories I'm hearing (that my story has prompted). It's sad.

[Maat]

100. Yes, it seems that drinking and partying for 45-50 years ..

is not without consequence.

I'm learning, when I tell my story, how many people have been lost to alcohol-related diseases.

Thanks for the hug.

[redqueen]

90. I'm very sorry for your loss.

:pals:

[Maat]

92. Thank you, Redqueen.

[freethought]

94. I give you my condolences. My father passed last year.

A sudden and acute infection took my father last April. My biggest regret is that he never will get to see me get married or give him a grandchild. He has one grandson from my sister. In one way it spared him from what he feared most. My father was physically frail but mentally he was very sharp. One thing I do know he would have rather died than go into a nursing home. Somewhere, he's with my mother now.

Keep you chin up Maat!
:hug:

[Maat]

99. Thank you, Freethought.

Yeah, my dad never knew either granddaughter.

I'm hoping that, somehow, he's aware he has two beautiful granddaughters right now.

I'm sorry to hear of your loss.

[Kajsa]

96. I'm so sorry , Maat.

I'll be thinking of you and your family
at this difficult time.

It's OK to be angry at the disease.

:hug:

[Maat]

98. Thanks for the hug.

Yep, there IS some anger to deal with.

[ulysses]

107. peace, Maat.

:hug:

[mvd]

108. My condolences go out - so sorry

I see you're trying to move on, but don't forget to cry when you need to. He was in an awful state, and I hope he's at peace now. :hug:

[ps1074]

109. I am very sorry for your loss, Maat

:hug: