Best Simpsons quote?

[TimeChaser]

So, we've got a threat for the best episode, but what about your favorite quote?


Mine has to be this Lisa quote:
“Romance is dead - it was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece.”

[MrCoffee]

1. "You shot who in the what now?"

Love me some Jasper

[ironflange]

2. "Anything can happen with Commander Cuckoo-Bananas in charge"

:rofl:

[YankeyMCC]

21. Seconded!

[Phillycat]

3. "Never try".

[billyskank]

5. Hey!

:hi: How are you? :hug:

[Phillycat]

6. Great, thanks!

And you? :hi:

[billyskank]

12. Good

I'm okay, thanks. :hi:

[billyskank]

4. "Life is just one crushing defeat after another

until you just wish Flanders was dead"

:D

[Phillycat]

8. Also:

"Stupid sexy Flanders!"

[billyskank]

11. "It feels like I'm wearin' nothin' at all!

Nothin' at all!"

:D

[qnr]

7. Grandpa: "Call me 'mint jelly', 'cause I'm on the lam!" n/t

[MrCoffee]

24. "Hello? Anybody home? It's cold, and there are wolves after me!"

[CBGLuthier]

9. Welcome to Dick Cheney's America, Lisa

Skinner says while carrying a stolen microscope.

[mikeytherat]

10. Dear Baby, welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You.

mikey_the_rat

[SacredCow]

13. "There, There.... Shut up, boy..."

[Reverend_Smitty]

14. I think Homer's views on alcohol...

is some of the funniest stuff ever written...

for example

"Here's to alcohol, the cause of—and solution to—all life's problems"

"Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!"

Homer: Got any of that beer that has candy floating in it? You know, Skittlebrau?
Apu: Such a beer does not exist, sir. I think you must have dreamed it.
Homer: Oh. Well, then just give me a six-pack and a couple of bags of Skittles.

or his views on religion...

Homer: I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.

Homer: "You know, the one with all the well meaning rules that don't work out in real life, uh, Christianity"

or this little life wisdom nugget...

Homer: Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

How could I possibly pick a favorite?

[ElboRuum]

43. Ralph and Chief Wiggam (eating Tomacco)

Ralphie: Ewww. This tastes like grandma!

Chief: Hey, you're right! This DOES taste like grandma.

[HiFructosePronSyrup]

15. "Push her out of the way, son."

"Mmmm, sacrilicious."

[underpants]

16. nasty plans for the booby, the titmouse, the woodcock, and the titpecker

Principal Skinner: (referring to the Bolivian tree lizard) It's already wiped out the dodo, the cuckoo, and the ne-ne, and it has nasty plans for the booby, the titmouse, the woodcock, and the titpecker.
Marge: How vile!
Retrieved from "http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bart_the_Mother "

[underpants]

17. When wintertime rolls around, the gorillas simply freeze to death.

Skinner: Well, I was wrong; the lizards are a godsend.
Lisa: But isn't that a bit short-sighted? What happens when we're overrun by lizards?
Skinner: No problem. We simply release wave after wave of Chinese needle snakes. They'll wipe out the lizards.
Lisa: But aren't the snakes even worse?
Skinner: Yes, but we're prepared for that. We've lined up a fabulous type of gorilla that thrives on snake meat.
Lisa: But then we're stuck with gorillas!
Skinner: No, that's the beautiful part. When wintertime rolls around, the gorillas simply freeze to death.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=5620105

[RedStateShame]

18. "In theory, communism works...in theory!"

[Mad_Dem_X]

19. "The dead have arisen...

and they're voting Republican!"

[Rising Phoenix]

20. Homer...."Everything seems bad if you remember it"

[Jokerman]

22. "Send the kids to the neighbors, I'm comin' home loaded."

[meegbear]

23. Here's to alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems

From the Treehouse of Terror series:

Lisa: You mean, if we fall asleep, we could die?
Grampa: HA! Welcome to my world!

[qnr]

25. Homer: "mmmmmmmmm floor pie!"

[MrCoffee]

28. Oooh! America Balls!

[bertha katzenengel]

30. great minds, qnr

:hi:

[qnr]

39. Or Gnarled, depending :) n/t

[noonwitch]

26. "I, for one, welcome our insect overlords"

Kent Brockman

[Arugula Latte]

27. Skinner (addressing a hamster):

"Well done, Nibbles. Now...chew through my ball sack." (holds bag used to contain sporting goods)

[bertha katzenengel]

29. "Mmm . . . floor pie."

:rofl:

[AtomicKitten]

56. my favorite too

Can't believe someone else thought so too ... it's a teensy obscure

[JackDragna]

31. "Tis not a man. Tis a remorseless eating machine, yar."

eom

[long_green]

32. Three of my favorites:

Bart, after he sets up his teacher for a non-existent blind date: "I can't help but feel partly responsible."

Marge, being asked if she saw an Oompa-Loompa at her visit to a candy factory: "They had one. But he was in a cage. And he didn't move very much."

Homer, no explanation necessary: "Ahhhhh, the Luftwaffe. The Washington Generals of The History Channel."

ohhhh, two bonus quotes. "Higher, Dad, Higher! Wheeeeee!" - Bart telling Homer he was "faking it" when they played on the swing.

Mr. Burns: "We'll be rich! Rich as Nazis!"

[fishwax]

33. Kids are great, Apu,

You can teach them to like the things that you like and hate the things that you hate--and they practically raise themselves!

[fishwax]

35. But I don't even believe in Jeebus!

[malmapus]

34. Homer - "KILL MY BOSS!!?? Do I dare live out the American dream?"

Forgot which espidoe it's from but it's an oldie :)

[skygazer]

36. Not a quote but a sign over a door

In the episode where the family finds Duffman down and out at the Springfield Men's Mission in a very seedy part of town. And over the door is a sign that reads, "We Add God To Your Misery."

:rofl:

[Merrick]

37. Ralph: "I ated the purple berries. They taste like... buuurning."

Ralph rules.

[Merrick]

38. "Me fail english? That's unpossible!"

[Fox Mulder]

40. "That's where I saw the leprechaun. He told me to burn things."

Ralph Wiggum

[Lautremont]

41. "And that little boy that nobody liked grew up to be...

...Roy Cohn."

(overheard spoken on the radio by a Paul Harvey soundalike.)

[scarlet_owl]

42. Marge-"Grandpa, are you sitting on the apple pie?"

Grandpa-"I sure hope so".

[peekaloo]

44. I'm a rage-aholic. I can't live without rage-ahol.

also my sig line. :-)

[Mind Snapper]

45. Take him away, toys!

[amitten]

46. "I sleep in a drawer."

:D

[Initech]

47. "Lisa, if the Bible has taught us anything, and it hasnt...

it's that girls should stick to girls sports, like hot oil wrestling, foxy boxing, and such."

[Mutley]

48. "This snowflake tastes like fish sticks."

[ScreamingMeemie]

49. "Bosoms..."

:hi:

[XemaSab]

50. Lisa: "Pablo Neruda said laughter is the language of the soul."

Bart (dismissively): "I'm familiar with the works of Pablo Neruda."


Also:

Homer: "Soil pH? That's just superstition!"

[Richard Steele]

51. When Apu shows up at Homer's door to make amends:

Homer: You're selling what, now?
Apu: I am selling only the concept of karmic realignment.
Homer: You can't sell that! Karma can only be portioned out by the cosmos.
Apu: He's got me there.

[CanuckAmok]

52. On the handgun waiting period: "Five days?! But I'm mad now!!"

Also my favourite Mr. Burns quotes:

"Books and cocoa in the same store? What's next, a talking banana?"

[CanuckAmok]

53. "Oppression and harassment are a small price to pay...

...to live in the Land of the Free"

[CanuckAmok]

54. Get daddy's excorcism tongs.

[njdemocrat106]

55. You have to speak louder, I'm wearing a towel!

Also:
Homer: "Church picnic? We just had one of those last week!"
Marge: "No we didn't. You just brought a bucket of chicken to church."

Lunchlady Doris: "Mmm... more testicles means more iron!"

Homer (at the candy convention): "Wow, I feel like a kid in one of those stores!"

[stellanoir]

57. Tough to choose but

since it hasn't been mentioned yet. . .

Bart: "I never thought it was possible for something to suck and blow at the same time."

[goodboy]

58. "Can't talk...comin' down" -Lisa, after visiting Duffworld (nt)

[Courtesy Flush]

59. "Television. Is there anything it can't do?" -- Homer

[Courtesy Flush]

60. I liked the name of the gun shop -- Bloodbath and Beyond n/t

[Roon]

61. If that had been a real girl scout

I would have been bothered by now!

[philosophie_en_rose]

62. Beer. The Cause and Solution to All of Life's Problems.

[Release The Hounds]

63. "Oh Lisa...

...vampires are make believe, just like elves, gremlins and eskimos."