Ebola stole my cookies.

[Guy Fawkes]

So here I am, sitting in my dorm room. I'm not hurting anyone- hell, I'm not even watching a violent movie or anything (mostly because Kill Bill 1 was on, edited to bits). And I think "Gee, some cookies would be great!" But they're gone. And why do you suppose that is, exactly?

I'll tell you: Ebola. Sure, it could be other scapegoats. Terrorists, gays, women, feminists, Jews, Muslims, Catholic priests, the Dark Side of the Force, uncontrolled government spending... any of these could've done it. But I think it was Ebola. In fact- I'm sure it was Ebola, because even the Evangelist preaching outside all day admits that Satan only wants my immortal soul.

But I digress: my cookies are gone, and Ebola is to blame. Something must be done about this. Perhaps some kind of cure or scientific breakthrough- relying, of course- on the wonderful Law of Evolution. (It isn't actually a Law in most places- but in the Republic of My Awesomeness, I've made it the third law enacted. It came after "No porn at the dinner table" and "Dump out the old coffee grounds in a timely manner.")

I would go far enough to say that Ebola is part of some crazy "Axis of Disease," consisting of Ebola, HIV, and Malaria. Of course, if I said that we could only choose to combat one of the viruses. And that would end badly, with thousands of our vaccines being killed of in a futile attempt to win not only the land and oil, but also the hearts and minds of the viri.

Or... I could just buy more cookies. I think the original ones were free, anyway.

[fizzgig]

1. but ebola is too cute to steal cookies!

look at him, just a harmless little guy

edit: http://www.giantmicrobes.com">and his cuddly friends

[Deja Q]

2. Ebola would steal your cookies... then your sausage casing...

and then the rest of you to go along with it. :(

(you do know the casing that they stuff sausage meat into is intestines? Lemme guess on this next thing too: You're not going to eat hot dogs anymore? :evilgrin: )

[Nevernose]

3. I blame the feminist Jews married to Muslims

Who were molested by Catholic priests, watched too much TV as a kid, and are planning on blowing up the Sioux City public library. They also want to destroy America by taxing us to death. I know this because the Masonic Illuminatis told me so.

[Throckmorton]

4. Arprin Buffet table

Non shoguarde hed cheese