When you love someone........

[CaliforniaPeggy]

But you aren't lovers.........

Just what do you call them?


None of the normal words.....seem up to the task, IMHO........

So.....tell me......what do you call that person, whom you love so deeply?

[bigwillq]

1. Stalker

:P

I don't know my dear Peggy....obviously this is romantic love right?? but you haven't done the deed, correct???

I don't know. I've been in this situation a few times and usually this person was a friend so I continued to call them my friend.

I feel friend is a good word because in order for me to love someone, I would have to get to know them enough in order to love.

Of course, my feelings for the Rock, or Vin Diesel or 50 Cent is not love nor are they my friends.
That is just LUST. Big difference.

:hi:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

3. My dear bigwillq!

You are NOT getting into the tender mood I intended!

Bad, bad, will! :spank: :spank:

:rofl: :rofl:

No fair altering your answer!

[bigwillq]

6. Did you catch my edit?

:shrug:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

8. I did, thanks!

And actually, I have been in this situation......

So, I was just wondering ...well, what the proper term would be.......

Friend seems somehow inadequate to me........

I do appreciate your revision, sweetie!

And your original answer made me laugh out loud!

:hug:

[bigwillq]

11. I really can't think of a word

that fits this situation.

One of life's many mysteries. :)

[speedoo]

2. I agree, Peggy... normal words are not up to the task.

But, having not given your question a lot of thought, I'm hoping someone else can help.:hi:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

10. My dear speedoo......

So you're puzzled too....And that's cool!

Perhaps we will both be enriched by this thread, when it's done...:hug:

[Gormy Cuss]

4. Soulmate

It's not perfect either but it conveys the sense of a deep connection more than 'friend'.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

12. My dear Gormy Cuss........

I can see how soulmate would work......

But somehow that implies one that you would be joined with......

To me, anyhow..........

But you're correct.....it does convey the deep connection more than the word friend.....

Thanks! :hug:

[BarenakedLady]

5. Hmmmm

Is it a romantic love? Or a friendship love?

Romance: Personally, I would probably refer to him as Love when speaking directly to him. When talking about him? Hmmmm good question. I still may say "my love".

[CaliforniaPeggy]

13. My dear BarenakedLady.........

Well, really a mixture of the two.........

But more friendship than romantic......

I suspect you are correct for the 'romantic love'.......

My love wouldn't work for me.....

BTW...Welcome to DU!

:hi:

[crim son]

30. That is what I call him.

I am not joined to him and never will be. But he is my Love.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

57. My dear crim son.........

How well I understand........:hug:

[Road Scholar]

7. I've had someone special for 43 years. Just JoAnne seems to

be enough.Nothing else was seemed give her the dignity.

[Dangerously Amused]

9. Hmm. " JoAnne." I'll have to try that one.

:7

[CaliforniaPeggy]

14. My dear In_Transit.......

I like the way you put this.....Nothing else seemed to give her the dignity.

That's beautiful......Thank you......:hug:

[Road Scholar]

16. self delete

[idgiehkt]

15. how about

'object of my affection'...too many syllables?

'crush' if it's unrequited

'suitor' if it is?

hmmm, fun to think about, anyway.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

17. My dear idgiehkt........

I considered all of these too......

None of them work for me........for different reasons......

It is fun to think about!

I suspect that different words work for different folks.........

Thanks for coming by!

:hug:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

18. Dear friend works for me...

:hi:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

19. My dear GoddessOfGuinness........

Yes, that'll work too.....

But I keep wishing there were something else....

Hence this thread!

Thanks, sweetie! :hug:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

23. Words have too many limitations...

The way you say a loved one's name is more effective as having a new label for them...

[Deja Q]

20. Family?

:shrug:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

21. My dear Hypno!

I suppose that there are cases where this would be appropriate........

But if you're not family, then what?

It isn't encompassing enough, for me, at least........

But I do appreciate your coming by tonight! :hug:

[Deja Q]

27. Not family, in love, not gettin' jiggy, hmm...

I am out of ideas. :(

Always glad to stop by, though! :) :hug:

[Withywindle]

55. There's more than one kind of family.

There's biological family and family of the spirit. Someone can certainly be one and not the other.

I have no problem calling people "love" and "beloved" and "my love" who I'm not having sex with, and THEY understand what I mean, though others might not.

I'm with you on wishing there was a better word.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

56. My dear Withywindle........

Indeed, there is more than one sort of family.....

Someone can indeed be beloved and not in a sexual relationship with you...

I wish there were a better word, too......Thanks! :hug:

[Rabrrrrrr]

22. Uncle Dave!

Oh, God, did I just say that out loud? Oh, god, I can't believe I said that out loud!

Oh, the shame!

[CaliforniaPeggy]

25. Huh? What's Uncle Dave got to do with this?

My dear Rabrrrrrr........

Are you pulling my leg?

:shrug:

:hug:

[Rabrrrrrr]

28. Oh... you said when you are NOT lovers.

Oops! My mistake.

:blush:

[bridgit]

24. to me, they are my dearest friends...

plain & simple :-)

[CaliforniaPeggy]

26. My dear bridgit!

That sure is plain and simple.....you got it, sweetie!

Thanks!

:hug:

[Guava Jelly]

29. Thats a hard question.

Because I have such warm feelings for so many here.
Some I feel as Family, Some I feel as great friends ,Some I have crushes on..But All those that think of me as a friend I care about extremly.
So hell I guess I am still at a loss for words.
The word "friend" comes close but in some cases it falls short.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

39. I know this is a hard question!

That's why I'm asking......

'Cause I sure as hell can't figure out the answer.....:hug:

[Dangerously Amused]

54. HELLO MY SWEET JOANNE !!!1!1!!!1!!

:hi:


:7

[Guava Jelly]

77. Hello my sweet angel!

:loveya:
:7

[struggle4progress]

31. But you are so vague & there are so many different ways to feel love

English is not a particularly helpful language, since it does not distinguish eros from agape, from maternal or paternal feeling, from brotherly or sisterly love, from platonic friendship ...

Perhaps ordinary interactions communicate feeling well, regardless of whatever name is used?One can, after all, get someone a cup of coffee with courtesy or with friendship or ... or ... And all manner of affection is potentially expressible freely and spontaneously without crossing any uncrossable boundaries.

Some months ago I developed an attraction to a very pleasant young woman half my age with whom I get along well but who I am quite sure would be creeped out if I maintained anything other than a decently avuncular attitude towards her. Still, feelings are feelings: they make up an important part of our world, and it is better to live with them properly than to ignore them. So I was friendly with her and ever so slightly inappropriate: one day I complimented the brown-eyed girl on her pretty blue eyes, more than once, with genuine affect -- a complicated mix of warmth, gentle teasing, and distance. That worked well, and we get along nicely ...

[CaliforniaPeggy]

41. My dear struggle4progress........

Yes, English is a difficult language in these respects.........

And I sure do agree with you re: expression of feelings in appropriate ways.......

How good you can get along nicely with the young lady! I'm sure it brings pleasure to both of you....

:hug:

[struggle4progress]

51. Well, I often prefer to get along nicely with people ...

... though from time to time buying a shotgun and going after certain people (who shall remain nameless) does ever-so-briefly cross my mind.

What name do you use for those people who cause fleeting homicidal thoughts?

[Arkham House]

32. I call them by their names...

...usually their first names, sometimes by a generally accepted nickname...a couple of very special cases, by a name that I alone know... No--these aren't lovers, though one was once--briefly--and others, may be someday...I don't really care. But each name--each special name--is appropriate to our relationship, and has a history and resonance for me...as my name has for them...and does this make any sense whatsoever...?...:-)...

[Writer]

37. See... then you ENJOY saying their names.

You enjoy the sound.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

42. My dear Arkham House....

Yes indeed, you are making sense........

Actually, I meant what word do you use to describe them to someone else?

I think your way of calling these folks is wonderful......A name appropriate to your relationship.......

How special that is.......:hug:

[bertha katzenengel]

33. I call him H. He calls me H.

He's my best friend.

But since I moved out here, I am now ECH and he is now WCH.

(Both our surnames begin with the letter H.)

[CaliforniaPeggy]

43. My dear bertha......

That's clever......and I understand the other letters too....:hug:

[Writer]

34. Your love interest? Your platonic paramour?

I'm not sure. All I can say, however, is that being in that situation is undoubtedly difficult.

Also it would make a difference if you think that person shares your feelings. Then, I think, a "special friendship" develops. And I think that's an experience that everyone should have at some point.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

45. My dear Writer........

We have what I would call a "special friendship."

It is a terrific place to be........:hug:

[qwertyMike]

86. Is it Movies

Dinner?
Do you work together?

I'm confused

[Whoa_Nelly]

35. Mi Corazón/ My Heart

I would call him my best friend.

"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."
- Anon

[CaliforniaPeggy]

46. My dear Whoa_Nelly.........

Mi corazon.........oh yes.....

That's beautiful........

Thank you.........:hug:

[u4ic]

36. What would I call them? To whom?

Others? Or myself?

I'm just curious, as I personally don't feel the need to justify whatever feelings I have to anyone else, or what someone's role in my life is. They'd be able to tell by how I look or act, anyway.

And to myself - well, I'd know how I feel. :-)

[CaliforniaPeggy]

47. My dear u4ic!

Yes, I meant to say this in my original thread......

What would I call this person when describing him to someone else?

I'm not trying to justify myself.......

I never need to do that!

:hug:

[u4ic]

53. Ah...got it

If it was to a good friend...they'd probably already know about my feelings...I'd have most likely talked about the person in question enough.;)

If it was someone I didn't know well...that's when I wouldn't feel the need to explain. I'd probably use "my amour". They don't need to know whether I'm sleeping with someone or not. :hi:

[SnohoDem]

38. Stalkee n/t

[CaliforniaPeggy]

48. My dear SnohoDem!

Riiiiiiiight!

:rofl: :rofl:

[leftofthedial]

40. well . . .

If you love somebody enough
You'll follow wherever they go
That's how I got to Memphis
That's how I got to Memphis

(thanks to Tom T. Hall)
I think you call them "love."

[CaliforniaPeggy]

49. My dear leftofthedial........

Nice lyrics.....thanks!

And love works too........:hug:

[swag]

44. Muse.

Petrarch's "Laura," for example.

Nietzche's Cosima for another. Well maybe the others are right about the stalking component here, and Cosima Wagner was a stalking victim. At least Friedrich got his syphillitic ass down to Turin and out of Cosima's face before he really lost it.

[Writer]

50. Oh my, swag, that is the story of my life!

I don't know how many a story, how many an essay, or a thesis over the last four to five years, didn't incorporate a man who I can safely call my "muse by love."

[CaliforniaPeggy]

52. My dear swag.........

Muse...

Indeed, that is one I hadn't thought of........

And it is an excellent term......

Thank you.

[Heidi]

58. My closest friends and I,

among ourselves, have used the term "friends for life." It's worked for us, in some cases for as long as 20 years. In conversations with third parties, though, "friend" is more than enough descriptor of those I love and by whom I'm loved. :shrug:

:hug:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

59. My dear Heidi.......

That is an excellent term!

It indicates the longevity of your friendship........

But the simple word friend seems inadequate to me.......

Nonetheless, I always appreciate your input.......:hug:

[Heidi]

60. When I'm described as a friend

by someone I love and respect, I consider it a high honor. I realize, though, that others' mileage may vary. :hug:

By the way, :yourock:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

61. Thanks, sweetie!

You make me smile.........Such a good friend you are......

You know how much I love and respect you, don't you.......

And BTW, and back atcha.......:yourock: too!

:loveya: :hug:

And I also suspect you know what this thread is all about, too.....;)

[REP]

62. Depends!

For one person, the word came ready-made: brother. The word "brother" has so many good meanings besides "male sibling" and yes, he's my male sibling and everything else good that brother means.

For others, "friend" is a lovely word.

I'm assuming we're not speaking of unrequited love; for that I defer to Noel Coward: "Unrequited love's a bore."

[CaliforniaPeggy]

70. My dear REP.........

Thanks for your input!

Brother is indeed a terrific word........and it has many meanings.....

A lot of folks here like the word friend.......and it will certainly work.

But for me, it sounds a little removed and not as warm as something I would prefer......

And no, this is not unrequited love.....

:hi:

[never cry wolf]

63. Soul Buddy

I have one and she is my soul mate, but due to circumstances it is platonic.... at least for now....

[CaliforniaPeggy]

71. My dear never cry wolf.......

Soul buddy, or soul mate....these are lovely!

Here's hoping your circumstances will change.......

So that not only your souls can be joined.........:hug:

[Anarcho-Socialist]

64. The term I use...

...is CaliforniaPeggy :loveya:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

72. My dear Anarcho-Socialist...........

Thank you sweetie........:hug: :loveya:

[buddhamama]

65. i tend to use to generic words

to describe a friend, buddy, what have you.

kindred spirit is another such generic word, but one that has a specific meaning to me. persons whom i have a deep emotional (inexplicable) connection with.
i have encountered kindred spirits here on DU. call it fate, destiny, kismet...imho, we were meant to 'know' one another.

regardless of labels, it is unconditional love.

hi, dearest Peggy. :hi:
thank you for the thought provoking question. :hug:

[bicentennial_baby]

66. indeed sister

:hug:

[buddhamama]

67. you!

soul sister. :loveya: :hug:

[bicentennial_baby]

69. and you as well!

:loveya: soooo much!

off to skool now...talk to you soon :)

and thank you for your sweet message this weekend...Sniffa appreciated it very, very much :hug:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

74. My dear buddhamama!

Wow, you have come very close to what I'm looking for.......

I feel a thrill of recognition as I read your post....

Kindred spirit is something I have felt many times here.......

I so agree with the feeling of kismet.......we were meant to know one another!

And the love is certainly unconditional.........all true love is...

And I thank you for your thought-provoking answer! :hug:

[datasuspect]

68. friends

emotional lovers?

my ex gf had lots of them.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

75. My dear datasuspect.......

Emotional lover is certainly a good phrase.........

That explains the non-sexual aspect very well, I think......

Thanks......:hug:

[auntAgonist]

73. I call those that I love .. who aren't 'lovers'

a GIFT.

treated with a thankful heart and warm embrace.

aA
:hug:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

76. My dear auntAgonist!

A gift!

This is a word I have used myself.......

And it is so perfect!

The thankful heart and warm embrace work too......

I always give thanks for this person's presence in my life......:hug:

Thank you so much.........

[Broken_Hero]

78. I usually use

"Good friend" its pretty broad...but its one I use in the same circumstances

[CaliforniaPeggy]

79. My dear petersond.........

Good friend...

It works too.........

Thanks!

:hi:

[Nikia]

88. That is what I use too

I do like brother and sister also but sometimes people get confused and think we really share the same parent(s).

[Solon]

80. Adopted Sister...

At least in my case, my best friend is a woman, and she's my adopted sister, one of the few family members you ACTUALLY can choose.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

82. My dear Solon.........

That certainly works for your specific case.....

And very appropriate it is too!

Sounds as though she lucked out by getting adopted into your family.....:hug:

[Solon]

91. Well, she's...

a Lesbian who comes from a Mormon family. Let's just say her parents would prefer otherwise.

[ContraBass Black]

81. My Lady.

Not "My Woman," or "My Girl."

[CaliforniaPeggy]

83. My dear ContraBass Black.....

My Lady.....

That's beautiful......but it's only for people in love with ladies...

How about for those of us in love with men?

:shrug:

:hi:

[ContraBass Black]

90. As it turned out, I wasn't in love with a lady either.

If my grandchildren ask me for a story about my youthful indiscretion, I'll tell them about her if I remember.

[qwertyMike]

84. Peggy, I was divorced 15 years ago

A few other women in my life, but they recognized my love for my ex.
It took me 12 years to get over it.
Now we are friends.

We have 2 children, 20 and 18 and that kept us connected.
She remarried and has an 8-yr old son who calls me "Uncle"

Things are fine now, but it's true 'Love Hurts'

I don't know how this relates to your story. But when ya Love, Ya Love

Mike

[CaliforniaPeggy]

85. My dear qwertyMike........

I hear you about love hurting.......it sure can!

I know about love.......I've been fortunate to have loved and been loved by a couple of terrific guys...

It has been quite an experience, and one that has majorly molded my life...

Would NOT have missed any of it for the world!

Thanks for coming by today........:hug:

[qwertyMike]

87. Peggy

Explain the situation more please
Mik

[CaliforniaPeggy]

89. Check your PM, if you would......... N/T