Would it bother you if a person you're attracted to...

[Writer]

has "been around?" Would you find this person less attractive? More? Would it even matter to you?

[Guava Jelly]

To me a connection is a connection

And its all chemistry.
Screw the past it's done..Only the future matters :)

[Common Sense Party]

17. But it's the chemistry, or rather the biology, that can be dangerous.

Someone who has "been around"...who has screwed around in the past, well, that may very much matter to your future health.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

20. And that's why everyone should get tested regularly.

There's nothing wrong with insisting a partner get tested for STDs.

[Guava Jelly]

25. well said haruka

I have been tested myself It was a scary week waiting for the results to come back.
But thank god They were negative.

[Ellen Forradalom]

52. Or getting tested before you get asked.

It's the only considerate thing to do.

[Deja Q]

61. Being safe and checking often is paramount.

Good thing I don't get out much.

More importantly, we all die of something someday. And our media loves to remind us of that.

It's a good thing I don't get out much. Seems kinda silly wanting to live while observing nothing but death.

[Mutley]

1. No, it wouldn't bother me at all.

Everyone has a past.

[Reverend_Smitty]

2. Depends if I have a shot with said person...

and if I do and this person "goes around" while seeing another person, then I would probably think less of the person (wow I just said person 4 times in one sentence...my high school english teachers would be so proud). But If I'm just admiring this person from afar, it doesn't matter to me

[Deja Q]

3. Doesn't bother me at all.

Peoples' pasts are pasts. The present and future are much more interesting. And, with reflection, the past just means they've got experience. What's wrong with that? Experience helps those with lesser experience. Is that not a logical viewpoint?

[BarenakedLady]

4. Eh

I don't think it would matter at this point in my life. We all have pasts. As long as I'm not being judged by mine (*ahem*) I'd extend the same courtesy to someone I'm interested in.

[bigwillq]

5. Wouldn't really bother me.

What people do in their bed is there business.
Why is it that we always criticize people for having fun in that department. I think people are jealous sometimes.

As long as people are safe, I don't care what they do in their bed. They can go fuck a cat for all I'm concerned (not that I condone this behavior) but come one...people are adults, free to make their own decisions. If they want to have many partners, so be it.

[SeattleGirl]

6. No, it wouldn't.

As others have said, everyone has a past, and the longer you live, the more of one you have. If that happened to have involved having "been around", I don't care (except that, if things progressed between me and this person, I would definitely want to know they are "clean".)

[Writer]

8. What if the guy/girl is a bit of a playboy/girl?

What would you think then?

[SeattleGirl]

11. Well, let me clarify what I meant. When you said "been around"

I took that as a past tense thing, i.e. they had been with a number of partners in the past. In that case, what I said is true. However, once I'm with that person in a dating situation, then no, it would not be okay. I am not talking about innocent flirting; I mean I don't like "sharing" someone I'm seeing. Does that explain it better?

[WCGreen]

7. Hell no.....

It's all about right now...

And that they have all their shots...

[idgiehkt]

9. as long as they have a full panel run at the Health Dept.

and have a negative HIV test 6 months after their last partner I could overlook it. It's not that behavior per se but their level of respect for my health and life that I would scrutinize.

[Tyrone Slothrop]

35. 6 months?

I don't think I've ever had a partner who's been out of the game for 6 months when I met them.

[idgiehkt]

36. that's what condoms are for

6 months is how long it can take for HIV to show up, before then they can test negative and still have it. Of course some people say the only safe sex is no sex and that you can't trust anyone ever no matter how trustworthy they seem. I just wish they'd come up with a vaccine, already...

[Tyrone Slothrop]

38. So do you mean a negative result 6 months after the last

unprotected encounter?

Or any encounter, no matter how well wrapped?

[idgiehkt]

40. yikes

for me it would be any and all and that's only if I trust the person totally to tell the truth, and even then that's no guarantee.

I'm sort of in a different category because I am mostly with women and as far as I know there has never been a documented case of female to female transmission of HIV, but that might have something to do with the way the health department interprets the answers people give in interviews. I have heard they won't mark you down as a lesbian if you've ever had sex with a man but I don't know if that is true or not, iow they don't really record people's self-definition, they assign you into categories based on what they believe. I've just heard this from friends working for AIDS projects, I really don't know for sure; apparently they do something funky with gay men too, but I can't remember what. So women might have a false sense of safety. Man, just thinking about this is making my head hurt. I guess safe sex is the way to go...I mean, barring abstinence, safe sex for six months or however long and then both of you go get tested together...that's assuming you know for as certain as possible they aren't cheating.

[Tyrone Slothrop]

45. I'm not trying to call you out or anything like that

(Also, let me add that I always use protection -- until I'm in a very committed, monogamous-type situation. Disease is a concern of mine -- as it should be for anyone who's sexually active.)

It's just that when I read your response, my first thought was that both of my last two girlfriends had been with other guys within 6 months of me starting to date them. And I didn't think anything of it and wouldn't have, well, dropped an embargo (so to speak) until the 6 months were up.

[idgiehkt]

46. I didn't feel called out...until now, lol.

Sorry, I missed the 'calling out' of your post, I'm not sure if I get it even still. Female to male transmission of HIV is rarer than male to female so they were probably taking more of a risk than you were. I take this so seriously only because I've spent most of my adult life in the gay community and most of my friends have been gay men during this time and I know a whole lot of dead people.

[u4ic]

10. Has been around?

Not necessarily, unless they are prone to cheating or unsafe sex.

Is still getting around? Yes.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

12. No problem for me, my dear Writer.......

As long as he was free of disease....it would not make one bit of difference.........

It might make him more attractive, actually.......

More experienced, more fun.....that sort of thing.......

:hi:

[JVS]

13. Less.

[Oeditpus Rex]

14. Depends

Are we talking "Has had like 20 partners" or "Was fired by Heidi Fleiss for being an overachiever"? :shrug:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

15. From a health standpoint, I'd be concerned...

STD check would be mandatory before any physical relationship could occur.

I'd also be leery of someone who had a pattern of short-term relationships that ended abruptly. Not that I wouldn't still be attracted; but I'd want to avoid being the next link in the chain.

[Floogeldy]

16. Define "been around." Do you mean "virgin?"

Or do you mean had sex with 19 people?

[Withywindle]

19. 19 people?

There's also a big difference in whether they did that in one month, or whether they did it over 20 years.

'Cause I'm in my late 30s, and, well, that doesn't seem like a very big number to me.

[Common Sense Party]

21. Seems like a HUGE number to me, but then...

I've only ever had 2 partners and my wife only 1.

It's all about perspective.

[hfojvt]

26. it depends on how young a person is able to get married perhaps

From the time I was 29 until I was 36 I asked out/dated 17 women and I am a pretty slow mover. I am amazed at how fast people are. Working at a factory an attractive young girl started working there. Within 3 weeks or so she had moved in with a welder, and four week after that they had broken up and could not stand to work on the same shift. Their relationship went from strangers to cohabitation to enemies in a span of time in which I was still trying to get up the nerve to talk to her.

[Ellen Forradalom]

62. Not so huge.

Several long-term relationships, a few short-term relationships, and a handful of nonstarters--it adds up quickly.

[Withywindle]

18. Experience is a BIG plus, not a minus.

And I say that as someone who has definitely "been around" myself--I'm most attracted to a similar experience level. My partner and I both have that "under our belts" so to speak, and it's nice to know we can both be honest about our histories and things we've experimented with and still want to experiment with and know we're not going to shock each other.

Assuming a clean bill of health, of course.

[Heidi]

22. Nope.

Unless I were intimately involved, or about to be intimately involved, with a person to whom I was attracted, I would try not to make value judgments about their sexual behavior. :shrug:

Interesting question. :hi:

[last_texas_dem]

23. It's hard to say

If I knew this person on the level where I felt like there was something really special between us, I don't think her past would really matter to me. If it was something that felt less strong or seemed less serious, it honestly might make me slightly less attracted to her, mostly because I'd worry that someone who had "been around" quite a bit might be less likely to be faithful. I admit that that is an unfair assessment in many cases. But overall, I don't think it would make that big of a difference. I'd just hope that she wouldn't hold my lack of experience against me if I wouldn't hold her umm... well, "promiscuousness" sounds like kind of a harsh way to put it, but I guess that's what it is... against her.

[leftofthedial]

24. it depends a little on what it is they've "been around"

if all that's involved is experience, that could be a good thing

unless all the experience is a symptom of something, which is sometimes the case.

[ForrestGump]

27. I Really Don't Want to Know

Oh, how many arms have held you
And hated to let you go
How many
Oh, how many
I wonder
But I really don't want
I don't wanna know

Oh, how many lips
Have kissed you
And set your soul aglow
How many
Oh, how many
I wonder
Yes, I do
But I really don't want to know

So always make me wonder
And always make me guess
And even
You know, even if I ask you
Oh, darling
Oh don't you
Don't confess

Just let it remain your secret
Oh, for darling, I love you so
No wonder
Yeah, no wonder
I wonder
'cause I really
Don't want
I don't wanna know

[GalleryGod]

28. With all due deference, the OP sounds like a Playboy Adviser Question

from the Summer of 1970. But that's OK. It took me back there.

[xchrom]

29. i couldn't be with someone who hasn't ''been around''.

[Broken_Hero]

30. No

not really...just depends on how around she has been, and even then I wouldn't have much/if any trouble with it :shrug:

[RetroLounge]

31. You're thinking about it wrong

Think of it as experience from which you will now benefit...

RL

[In_The_Wind]

32. I think it would make him more attractive.

IF he is ready to stop running around.

[NewWaveChick1981]

33. Wouldn't bother me at all. In fact, I find that kind of intriguing...

:) I prefer someone with experience to someone with inexperience. However, that doesn't mean inexperience is a problem. :P

[ThomCat]

34. Not at all. His/Her history is none of my business

except as far as it is still current history. And even then, I may need to know about it but it's not my life to judge.

Everyone has history. Some just have a bit more than others. :shrug:

[Radical Activist]

37. I don't know.

If she routinely cheats on boyfriends, that is a problem. It might make a difference depending on who she slept with.

[William Bloode]

39. Depends,

If it is something that was in the past, no. If it was recent or on going, most likely. I can't say no for sure as i once dated a working prostitute. I guess my stance is it may, but not a deal breaker.

[bridgit]

41. there's William...

:hi:

[William Bloode]

43. hey bridgit,

I been gone so long i wondered if anyone would remember me :D

Nice too see ya and thanx.

[bridgit]

44. you too, i was wondering just the other day 'where is that William...'

good you see'ya B-)

[NoSheep]

42. no.

[Ariana Celeste]

47. Nope!

Long as they've been tested, I couldn't care less.

[Dora]

48. A person is the sum total of their experiences.

Why should I be bothered by the experiences of a person I love? It makes no sense.

[Nikia]

49. I suppose it depends upon their current attitudes

If I were single, there are guys who I wouldn't date because they engaged in behaviors that could be considered rape and aren't sorry about it. I wouldn't date guys who were often dishonest in their sexual encounters and aren't sorry about it. I wouldn't date guys who cheated on girlfriends and aren't sorry about it. I wouldn't date guys who made it a point to try to get women who they know are in a relationship. I wouldn't date guys who fundamentally see most women in terms of being sex objects. I wouldn't date guys who have a recent history of short term relationships. There are probably other red flags for me, regarding his sexual attitudes and history.
I admit that in high school that I didn't date a hot college guy who allegedly really liked me (according to his sister) because I knew he had a history of hooking up everywhere he went. It didn't seem very wise to me especially since a lot of it (while he was at college) would be long distance.
Maybe, all of this makes me judgemental. Frankly, I think that one has a right to be judgemental about a potential partner.
Of course, my husband was a virgin when I began dating him when we were nineteen. If something were to happen to him though, I probably would want someone more experienced than when I was first with him. There is something a little weird about a guy in his mid twenties or older who is a virgin.

[Sequoia]

50. Depends on the age.

If you're in your 30s or so, I'd be a bit leary that said person hadn't done anything.

[Omphaloskepsis]

51. It would bother me..

I was with a girl (on new years) who said it was cool that I didn't have a condom. She had already had four abortions. Shit, the only thing I was looking for in my wallet that night was the key to my bike lock.. skank!

[reyd reid reed]

53. Hell, at my age

it would bother me more if he hadn't. Just don't 'share' anything with me except the benefits of what's been learned.

:evilgrin:

[Jamastiene]

54. Nope.

But then again, I am the one who fought band members over whether they'd "allow" me to try for Courtney Love if I ever got the chance. They said she had AIDS and was skanky. I likes 'em skanky though. :evilgrin:

[idgiehkt]

55. we might fight over Courtney

but I think she could handle both of us. Maybe at the same time, lol.

[Jamastiene]

58. Probably could handle us both with one of her hands

tied behind her back and blindfolded. }(

[retread]

56. Depends. A lot of "been around" can indicate a fear of committing or even

a fear of intimacy.

[Fox Mulder]

57. If I liked someone and she has gotten around a lot...

then yes, it would bother me.

[hotforteacher]

59. Ethical sluttery is a far cry different

than random whoring about with no regard to self or other's feelings.

I am very open with my best friends about my sluttery; I have experimented all about and feel not the least bit of guilt about it, although I have had people question my integrity solely based upon my carnal activities. I think that's a crock of crap.

Who I chose, or do not chose, to fuck has nothing to do with how "good" of a person I am. If that person has been playing safer, and respectfully, than who is anyone to judge.

Now, if said person was a barfly, a drunken or drug-addled bedhopper, I would have reservations because then they would look like a thill junkie to me. I don't get off on secrets or lies.

[Joe Fields]

60. Why are you asking the question? Does it bother you?

[QuestionAll...]

63. yes , it would matter, especially if they lied about it.

up front i think I could take the information.

but... ewww, all those juices shared.
ack. ick.

[WritingIsMyReligion]

64. As long as he's squeaky-clean, I don't care.

But there's no way in hell I'm running around with anybody who's got any type of STD/STI, especially HIV/AIDS. I have a fear of dying of AIDS.

[judaspriestess]

65. get around??

who cares, shit one of my heroes is Barbarella, she got around!! Dang what a great movie.

and lets not forget Samantha from Sex in the city. Another one who I would love to have her life.

Its just sex, make sure you are safe though........