I want to quit grad school

[alarimer]

I hate it; I fucking hate it. I have finished all my classes but I have no clue about my thesis. Well I know what I am doing but I don't really understand it, if that makes any sense at all. I mean, I am no stat genius. An my professors apparently think I have all the time in the world to understand their arcane bullshit. But I have a real job, with real (sometimes crazy) hours. And I am so fucking tired all the damn time. I just want to sleep. I had 7 years to finish and I am in the middle of year 6. I am so panicked I don't know what to do. I quit grad school once before because I hated the assholes I went to school with. I got tired of the backstabbing. Now I am hundreds of miles from the actual school so I never have to deal with that. But I just want to give up.

At this point I want to finish, I really do but I can't take the stress anymore; I can't. But if I quit, I will be stuck in my lousy job the rest of my life with my co-workers I cannot stand. I am so much better than my job. In other words, I am overqualified for the job I have but I cannot get out of the little box I am in. No one gives me a chance anywhere else. It's very competitive out there. But I have to get a better job. Otherwise I'll be eating catfood when I retire because our retirement system will only pay 65% or so. And I have no savings to speak of because I don't get paid crap. And that's not taking into consideration inflation. I am alone; I have no one that I can count on to help me and I probably never will. And that is really hard. The only thing I have is my job, which I don't like, and that possibility of something better is all that keeps me going some days.

This is so not what I wanted when I went to college. My life and "career" has been such a profound disappointment to me. I know that I am a disappointment to my family. Although I am only one of two kids to graduate from college in my family. Everyone (my dad especially) keeps asking me when I will be done. I am so sick of being asked that question. I cannot take the pressure anymore.

I am in near-panic mode right now; I have been crying for the last hour because I have read the latest comments my professors wrote on my latest attempt at my thesis proposal. The comments are not bad; they are just mostly over my head. I don't know why I thought I was capable; I'm clearly not.

[LaurenG]

1. I think you are just tired and stressed

You are capable, you are just overwhelmed. Can you take a day or two off? I think it will be easier to focus and concentrate when you are more rested.

Take care of yourself and go do something you think is fun at least for a few hours.

[alarimer]

3. the problem is that I am an inherently lazy person

one day off turns into two LOL. For some strange reason I have a couple of days off in the middle of the week this week. So I need to get something done. But maybe it doesn't need to be done now. I should probably turn off the internets too or I will spend all my time here!

[Heidi]

2. You're probably brighter and more capable than you feel right now.

Stress sometimes turns me into an absolute dullard who can't focus or stay on-task. I have no wisdom for you, but I can offer a :hug:

I hope it gets better for you. :pals:

[alarimer]

4. thanks

I am sure it will. I just panic every now and then.

[Writer]

5. alarimer, for just a moment, take a very deep breath...

First, you should applaud yourself for having completed your courses. That itself, especially with working, is a difficult feat that you've overcome.

Instead of focusing on your current scenario, focus on what could be if you pause, close your eyes, relax, then concentrate on your thesis. I just completed one myself this last spring - it's not so bad! Completing your Master's should be EMPOWERING - and I would take your frustration and turn it into energy to carry you through the rest of the degree.

Do you have a professor that you like? If so, can you sit a while and talk to this professor? Or by telephone? Tell this professor your fears - that you have a certain amount of time left. That you require help with forming a thesis question. They are there to help you! They WANT you to be successful! That's their job.

You appear captured by emotion. I have been here myself. In those cases, I had to take a moment and do something good for myself. That way, I could unravel myself from the binds of what I PERCEIVED to be a bad/impossible situation. If you just take a moment - give yourself the chance - you will be shocked by what you can do.

:hug: Please take care. :hug:

[alarimer]

13. Thanks

Yes I think a few deep breaths are definitely in order.

I sometimes wonder if I have simply just chosen too big a topic. It might be more that, because the methods I chose to use (having to do with the fact that catch data often can't be analyzed using typical statistical methods) are not familiar to me; my stats course did not cover this. Even my major professor (who is a fish physiology guy- he is my thesis advisor because the original one retired and this guy- the current one- persuaded me to do a thesis rather than stay with the non-thesis option I had been planning). But we are working with someone who IS an expert on this method.

[Writer]

16. Well I can tell you that what was strongly emphasized to me...

as I developed my thesis is that you must start with a tight, specific question that is interesting but doesn't keep you in school for 10 years. You're also employing quantitative analysis. Maybe you can consult with the professor who taught your stats class?

The things you always should keep in mind about your thesis are: 1) YOU are in control. 2) YOU are the boss. I fired my first thesis advisor for being too micromanagerial and negative. It turned out to be a very good decision. But do defer to your advisor's suggestions. You may be the boss, but he/she is always the wiser one.

Good luck! :hi:

[mzteris]

6. Deep breath. . .

"near panic mode" is never good - and one RARELY makes good decisions in a state like that.

It sounds like you're under a great deal of pressure - from your work, your family - and mostly from yourself. It's going to be ok.

Being so close to the finish can be scary in and of itself - because when you finish - WHAT IF NOTHING CHANGES????? And you're STILL stuck in that crappy little job, etc. . . If you're a perfectionist (and I suspect you have that tendency) - sometimes having an "excuse" for - er - not "living up to your potential" - comes in really handy. (Believe me, I know whereof I speak. :) )

Is your grad work something you actually LIKE? Are you going to even want to "get a job doing *that*" when/if you finish?

Being so close part of you just wants to get it the hell over with - and that's certainly understandable - so you have three choices: 1. Quit; 2. Change directions; 3. Suck it up and keep on plowing.

If you've made it *this* far - I'd say you're capable. If you've hit a wall with the knowlege thing, go talk to your advisor. Find a tutor. Talk to people on here - there's an expert on just about everyting around here. (Or at least they think they are. lol)

Or maybe just go talk to the school mental health clinic. Perfectionist tendencies generally come with a package of other "issues" - some of which wouldn't hurt to discuss/ferret out. If nothing else, it'll give you someone to talk to who has no vested interested in what choice you make - and who is trained to help YOU find what YOU want.


:hug:

You're going to be okay. . . no matter which direction you choose. Life can be what YOU make it. It doesn't have to be what someone else's vision of your life is supposed to be.

[alarimer]

17. I definitely do have perfectionist tendencies

I do like the topic I have chosen. It's something I have been thinking about since I started my job. A lot of the data we collect at work is simply never used. So I have 20+ years worth of stuff that has never really been looked at, at least not in the way I want to use it.

Part of the problem is that it is very easy for me to come home after a long day and just blow off doing any work on it. I have not developed the discipline I need I guess. Whatever I had was good enough for my classes; I had the immediate incentive of being graded on whatever I was doing. Immediate feedback. This is different. It's more of a long-range thing and much easier for me to procrastinate.

[Arugula Latte]

7. Think about 20 years from now.

If you quit, will you look back and think: "Ah, Hell. I shoulda just stuck it out." ... My guess is that you will. Sometimes things seem like they're never going to end, and then, poof, they end, and then you look back and think: "Wow, that really was only one fraction of my life."

Good luck!

[tigereye]

8. one of my relatives had a very similar experience

you might want to try a PHD/grad school support group. Many people feel as you do and it would probably be helpful.

Best of luck to you. Many of my friends felt like this at various stages of completing their PHD. :hug:

[HiFructosePronSyrup]

9. Yeah, so does everybody else.

You're not alone. It's important to remember that. This is typical of many, many grad students.

What I think is that you need a little vacation. I know that probably sounds impossible right now. But tell your advisor how you feel, he's probably been there himself when he was a grad student.

You'll be just fine. Trust me.

[Fredda Weinberg]

10. I had a similiar experience; solved with a pair of fresh eyes

1st of all, no matter how tired I was of seeing it, I incorporated every change suggested by my faculty advisor. Eventually, he got tired of seeing it too and sending it to a new reader gave the feedback I needed. Total rewrite, but approval came one version later.

Your family has invested so far and maybe can't understand. But my mother survived it and so did I. You can too.

[momophile]

11. I can totally relate

I just finished my thesis finally after working on it on and off for three years. I had a really slow start, had a child, had no energy or time, and only just last November got serious about it as the deadline started to seem real. I stayed up late at night writing, wrote weekends, wrote when my baby slept, and finally finished. I had lots of nightmares, anxiety and panic attacks - and cried a lot.

Hang in there. You can do it. And good luck. And I'll never ask if it's finished - I too hated that question.

[fishwax]

12. good thoughts to you from over here, alarimer

you're close, very close to being done. Breathe deep. Be proud of how far you've come. I can relate to your feelings of frustration and your feelings of disapointment with your career, and I hope things start looking up for you soon.

:hi:

[hunter]

14. One thing that's certain, life goes on...

I'll go back for graduate school when my kids leave the nest. At the moment they are teenagers, and they are stressing me out of my mind. My God! What kind of hell did I put my parents through?

And retirement? Why are you worrying about that now? The way I figure it, everyone born after 1955 is pretty much screwed. This economy can't last. Don't buy property on the coast because the sea is gonna rise.

All I really know, and the only advice I can give, is that there is no way I could have predicted the course my life would take when I was still in college.

By some miracle things turned out well, and entirely different than anything I had planned.

[alarimer]

20. Retirement isn't that far away

I am 38 years old. So 25 or 30 years of good working life left probably. But my job is very physically intensive- I may not be able to do it that long. And, with my employer, if you can't do it, you are out. I suspect this is not so unusual among employers. In an "at will" employment situation, you get hurt or sick, they can fire you.

The whole retirement thing came about because there was a retirement seminar last week (I didn't go). everyone that came away from it told me, it will basically be impossible for them to ever retire, given the way it is structured right now. Everyone jokes about becoming Wal-Mart greeters when they retire. But we are lucky to have something at all.

I just generally worry about the future all the time. According to Suze Ormon and all the financial gurus out there, I should have been socking away money since I first started babysitting. So I am well behind the curve on that score. But I think those gurus live on some other planet anyway.

[hunter]

25. I used to be a furniture mover.

I know how to load a truck and that paid for some of my education.

Now I look at my swollen hands and knees every morning and I'm pretty sure I won't ever be doing that kind of work again, not without some serious sorts of drugs! (Shit. Ibuprofen makes my stomach bleed. That stuff really worked, but alas, I can't take it any more.)

Concentrate on your thesis, have some fun, and forget about retirement for now.

[ScreamingMeemie]

15. Hi alarimer! Stop and relax for 5 minutes, grab a piece of paper

and a pen and write about what's important to you and where you want to be in 5-10 years. Does that include having a Masters degree? Then you have your answer. I have a lot of regrets and my only hope is that you don't. :hug:

[alarimer]

18. well my list would include having a Masters

In my field, all the "good" jobs go to people with MS or even higher. A BS in biology is not really any good. It wouldn't matter so much if I really liked my current job but I am dissatisfied in many ways.

[ScreamingMeemie]

19. It's a tough decision. I don't know you in real life, but I like to think

that I know you a bit from your posts here. Something is telling me you might be overwhelmed and that you are being too hard on yourself.

I have a lot of regrets and one of them is graduate school. I love my job, I love my life, but it was something I wanted. Now, I don't think I could hack it.

[alarimer]

A little overwhelmed sure

But I also feel a little guilty for not working harder. But I am harder on myself than anyone else is, for sure.

[datasuspect]

21. you have more than you realize

go drink a few beers with your nearest homeless population. that can help to refocus your energy.

[Lex]

22. Can you get a face-to-face, sit-down, meeting with a professor?

They tend to be far more helpful and have more practical and useful advice in person.

That was my experience, anyway.

[zonkers]

23. 1st things 1st - you need to ask the prof. to explain his latest comments.

2nd. Your ability to express yourself is obvously demonstrated by your posts. So you should be able to do this. Just relax.

3rd. Compartmentalize/deflect your family's remarks, expectations, etc. Either you are doing this for yourself or not at all. And thats okay to. The world will not end if you change professions.

4th. The brighter you are the harder it is to write because you hold yourself to higher standards than the nob sitting next to you. I have been working (writing )on something for 9 years and it haunts me everday. Sometimes I have bouts of utter despair and never know when I will be done but that is just part of the process. (I, too, have been distracted by emergencies and finances for so long).

5. Do you have a good workspace? A comfortable chair. Good light. Yo need every edge you can get.

6. Do you have a good routine? Write at the same time every day, i.e. proof read while you grab a sandwich, etc. Sounds silly but I have different colored pens which I use to mark up different things, etc. I make it special. Music. My favorite mints are on hand, etc.

7. Working on a pc? If you do, do you print out at the end of every writing session? There is nothing like reviewing material in your hand versus the monitor. Do you use wordcount on your pc?

You also may want to set up a pc indentity (windows) just for your thesis, so you will not be distracted by other stuff, internet, etc.

8. Let me just leave you with these three thoughts....

a. Did you know that when the award winning author/dissident Aleksander Solzhenitsyn was imprisoned, he used to write as he was on twenty mile forced marches by resting his paper on the back of the person in front of him --- one.... slow.... word... at... a time with a crude pencil? Well, you get my point.

b. One more -- a quote from Steven King --- "I am the worst writer... but I am a damn good rewriter."


You can do this.

[jobycom]

24. Sounds pretty normal

Not meaning to make light of your stress, but most grad students reach the point where you are sometime. I know it doesn't make it easier, but it's true. I felt like that twice. The first time I dropped out and then went back. The second time I was running out of time and was too far behind, and basically abandoned it for good. I still wish I hadn't. My reaction was completely justified by everything that was happening to me, but I still wish I had forced myself to buckle down for six more months, to finish. I am stuck in that mindless "career" you fear. I'll get out of it, but believe me, the boredom and frustration is a lot worse than the intense stress and futility of grad school.

Make your own decisions. Don't worry about what your family thinks of you know. Worry about where you want to be in five years. Do you see yourself as satisfied if you drop out now? Do you see yourself as more satisfied with your degree? Think of what your parents will say then. No matter how old you are, you will tend to think you are stuck for the rest of your life at the stage you are now. But it's not true. Everything changes, constantly, and you will be well beyond this phase in a year or two. Make your decisions now to put you where you want to be then, and dig down to make whatever sacrifice you have to to get there.

Your professors wouldn't have let you get this far if you couldn't do what they are asking. If they are talking over your head, understand that that is their failing, not yours. They are failing to communicate to you what you need to know. Explain that to them, and don't take the attitude that you are at fault, that you are just not good enough to be there. Tell them that you aren't sure what they want. Tell them you don't understand the difference between what they are trying to say and what you are doing. They are used to this. It is their job. You may even get them on your side. One of my biggest mistakes in grad school was assuming that if I stayed quiet I would look more intelligent. It worked. It worked so well that my professors assumed I knew everything they were saying, and so I never did figure out some of their advice, until it was too late. They are paid to help you become what they are. They will not think less of you if you go to them and explain that you aren't sure what you need to do. If anything, it will allow them to question you, to find the edges of what you do know, and that will give them a better chance to help you over the hump. They live for that stuff.

You are currently in a good place. You've got no ego left. You've got no self-confidence left. You know you need help to go anywhere. Use that feeling to talk to them, to find out where you need to be, to construct a game plan to get where you want to be. Speak to your advisor, too, about how hard and fast the seven year rule is at your school--I found out too late it was more flexible than I thought at mine. Use this void to create a positive game plan, and that will give you a positive feeling about where you are going.

And squash the doubts about what you want to do. You got into this because you wanted to. Stick with it. End it the way you planned. If you hate it still once you have your thesis written, just stick with your old job and ignore your degree. Now isn't the time to indulge in doubts. That will trap you in a life you hate a lot more than failing out of school ever will. You can do it, or they wouldn't have let you get this far.

Just my thoughts. I've been there. I blew it. Don't blow it. You'll feel incomplete. You'll feel better failing than quitting, too.

[alarimer]

26. Thanks

that's good advice. I am just in a rut right now. Busy time at work too which doesn't help the situation.

[NewWaveChick1981]

27. Please don't give up. You've come too far and worked too hard

to give up now! :hug: I totally understand the stress. :pals: By the time I finished my master's degree, I was totally stressed out and ready to crawl in a hole. I still have it in my head that I will eventually get my doctorate. :) I have friends who have thought they were going to die getting their doctorates, and they made it through. :hug: In my line of work (student financial aid), I came in contact with a lot of doctoral candidates who were ready to give up, but somehow they made it and finished. Everyone gets to the end of their ropes at some point or another; sometimes it's terrible, and sometimes it's horrendous. However, you'll make it. :D

Please hang in there! :)

[alarimer]

29. thanks

I think I was just having a bit of a meltdown this morning. I can't quit- it's cost me too much money already!

[LibertyLover]

28. You have come too far to quit

I've done 2 master's degrees. For the first one I did a thesis. For the second however I didn't. The school let you either do a thesis or take 2 extra classes. I figured "been there - done that" on the thesis, so I opted for the classes. Can you check and see if that is a possibility? Have you done your comps yet? I agree with the poster up thread who urged you to go to your mentor and get their help. That is one of their jobs. I understand about the "are you finished yet" questions. My second master's took me 5 years to complete because my work schedule wouldn't permit more than 1 class a semester. As a part time student I was supposed to take a minimum of 2 classes per semester. I got waivers for a couple of years and tried to take classes during the 2 summer semesters, but the classes offered and the times didn't fit my work schedule at all. After a couple of years a new dean caught on to what was happening, called me into his office and told me that if I didn't start taking 2 classes each semester he would personally sign the letter terminating my matriculation. :wtf: Luckily I only had to do that for 2 semesters. Right now you are stressed and paniced - never a good time to make decisions. And I doubt you are disappointment to your family. Their concern is probably for you, seeing how stressed out you are. If you've made it this far in grad school, you are most certainly capable. If you can't understand the comments go to the prof who wrote them and ask them to explain. Hang in there. You can do it.

[FILAM23]

30. Then quit

n/t