After 5 (almost 6)years, my boyfriend dumped me last night.

[Cannikin]

I went through a severe depression and he says having to deal with it caused him to lose his feelings for me. (so much for sickness and in health)

Before him, I was in a six year relationship.

I dont know how to be alone and I'm scared to death.

This is my first sympathy thread. A hug or such would be appreciated.

[ScreamingMeemie]

1. Oh Cannikin...I'm so sorry.

I can't say anything to make you feel better, just know you are in my thoughts. :hug:

[terrya]

2. A hug for you.

I am so sorry, Cannikin. I can't believe the attitude of your boyfriend. If you love someone, you stick with him...through bad times as well as the good. That really pisses me off. :grr:

I'm sorry about the pain you're going through right now.

:hug:

[SKKY]

3. Here's a hug for ya...

...I know this won't sound like much, but you will go on, and you will be a better person
as result. There is nothing one can say to make the pain you feeling go away, just know what
you're feeling now won't last too long. YOU WILL GET OVER THIS!!!!

[Guava Jelly]

4. I'm sorry Dude

:hug: here ya go..

[RetroLounge]

5. So sorry to hear this...

:hug:

RL

[miss_american_pie]

6. Oh I am so sorry

:hug: :hug: :hug:

Of course it's scary, but you'll learn how to be alone and what a good thing that can be.

:hug: :hug: :hug:

[NewWaveChick1981]

7. I'm sorry, Cannikin...

:hug: :hug: Things will get better. :)

[MissMillie]

8. hugs to you

:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

There's only one way I know to be alone--stay busy with things that really interest you. Take a course at the local night school, or learn how to sew or knit or play harmonica.

Work for democrats in your area in the upcoming elections.

I've been alone for 6+ years now, and keeping busy is really the best way to handle it, especially if you've already been battling depression.

Make sure to keep your doctor in the loop.

:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

[zanne]

9. Did your boyfriend have anything to do with your depression?

I've been on both sides of this. I've been severely depressed myself and I know that's when you need love and understanding the most. I've also been on the other side of that, as my husband is bipolar. When he's having a radical mood swing I just have to get away sometimes. I know it's not fair and that's not the way love is supposed to work, but I just can't help it.
Something I'm curious about is the trigger that brought on your depression. Could it have had something to do with him?
In case you're thinking I'm being a heartless bitch, I really do feel for you. I agree that being alone sucks. Somebody once told me that a breakup is like recovering from surgery; something needed to be fixed because it was hurting you. Recovery hurts for a while, but the day will come when you'll feel so much better than you did before. Good thoughts coming your way.:hug:

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

43. My recent triggered something in my depression...

and since he left I have been a better person. Its unhealthy for me to be around him.

[BarenakedLady]

10. I'm so sorry.

Depression is hard enough to deal with. I'm sorry.

:hug:

[ThomCat]

11. (((Hug)))

:hug:

Perhaps you need to be alone for a while. Fear of being alone can drive you into bad relationships. Please don't rush into another relationship just to have one.

I'm sorry that your most recent bf turned out to be not-so-great. :(

You're cute as hell, and from your posts you definitely seem to be intelligent and charming. You'll definitely find a man worth staying with and willing to deal with you realisticly.

[1gobluedem]

12. Very sorry

Even though I'm in a great relationship now I can still remember how I felt when my ex-boyfriend broke up with me after six years saying that I "didn't make his heart go pitter pat."

Time is the great healer, though I know that isn't much comfort now. Just concentrate on getting through one day at a time -- trite, but true.

:hug:

[regnaD kciN]

57. It took him six years to notice that...?????

:crazy:

And what sort of guy uses a phrase like that?

:eyes:

Good riddance, I'd say!

[Hugin]

13. Sorry to hear that...

Forge ahead, though!

You might even find you like yourself.

:hug:

[intheflow]

14. "Rejection is perfection."

That's what my friend always says to me when shitty stuff happens to me. What she means is, whatever you're going through, it's meant to be. In this case, I'd interpret it to mean this guy is obviously a loser who would make your life hell in some way you can't possibly imagine if you two stayed together.

Whenever she says this to me, it doesn't really help my pain at that moment. But looking back after some time has passed, I see that she is always right, something completely unexpected comes along to ease my pain, to fill that void left by the rejection, usually in a healthier way.

Even though she says it to me, and it sucks when she says it, she always delivers it with a long, warm hug which does ease my pain for a moment. So here I am passing that love along to you. :hug:

[jane_pippin]

15. I'm so sorry.

:hug:

I went through the same thing this summer. It sucked. I won't lie--it still sucks. But it won't always.

You will be ok. Even so, I'm very sorry you have to go through it.

[Cannikin]

16. You are a wonderful group of people. Thank you for your kind words

[Mutley]

17. I'm so sorry!

:hug: :hug:

[LaurenG]

18. I am so sorry Cannikin

:hug:

[crim son]

19. You have a HUGE hug from me.

I'm so sorry! I'm on my way out the door, but want to tell you one thing: you can be alone. It takes a major adjustment but you can do it. And it won't be permanent. :hug: :hug: :hug:.

[Love Bug]

20. I'm so sorry -- what a jerk

Right now the pain is raw, so please take care of yourself. It's ok to cry, curse god, kick the furniture, do whatever you have to do to vent. You're allowed to grieve at your own pace and feel whatever you feel. It does get better, but not today. Today, concentrate on getting through the next 5 minutes.

A lot of us here at DU have been through this, so we're here for you. Here's some chicken soup -- that's a good cure for almost anything.

[dolo amber]

21. That sucks, dude

Sorry to hear that. Sounds like you might be better off in the long run with someone who's a bit more...compassionate. :(

Hang in there. :hug:

[Debbi801]

22. I am so sorry, Hon. Sending lots of hugs and warm wishes your way.

:hug:

[TK421]

23. Sorry to hear the news.

[ForrestGump]

24. As it turns out, I was listening to a song titled

"Only The Strong Survive," about recovering from a lost love, when I saw this thread. Easy to say now, though, I know. So just please take it one minute, one hour, and one day at a time and let yourself feel what you have to feel. There are many here who've been there, or thereabouts -- everyone's situation is as different, if only subtly, as our very individuality -- who are there for you when you need them. :hug:

You will be okay. But that's for another day...

[buddhamama]

25. a hug for you

i am sorry. only time will heal your pain. you have people surrounding you who care! you're not alone. :hug: :hug:

[LynzM]

26. Many hugs for you, Cannikin...

That's awful that he'd say (or feel) that your depression caused that. I'm so sorry. I hope that you are able to relax into your own time and enjoy your space after some time! :hug:

[El Fuego]

27. I'm very sorry...

I know what you're going through...I had a boyfriend who broke up with me after 5 years because I didn't want kids. I know it's horrible. You need hugs!!

:hug::hug:

[xchrom]

28. you can have ALL the hugs you need from me, dude.

if there is one thing i can understand -- it's depression.

i won't ell you what to do -- but you can pm me and chat.

please take care of your self.

[AussieDave]

29. A big hug for ya, mate - I'm sorry to hear that

Indeed - "in sickness and in health".

It seems he was never really yours, and you were never really his - that just sucks bigtime.

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

Hang in there - someone better will come along.

[Midlodemocrat]

30. Oh, Cannikin, I'm so sorry.

:hug:

:hug:

:grouphug:

[malta blue]

31. hugs all around

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

be well - it is okay to be alone. Really. It is okay.

[bicentennial_baby]

32. Oh sweetie....sweetie

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

[idgiehkt]

33. I am so sorry.

It's hard enough to lose someone but also worse when you are already down. You probably won't alone for long since you are such a cutie. My ex ended our relationship on probably one of the worst days of my life, so I know what it's like to be left vulnerable...I'm better off now but at the time it was almost unbearable because I was in such pain related to other stuff. PM me anytime if you need to. You will be alright and you are not alone, just stay in touch with people here.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

34. My dear Cannikin............

Oh, sweetie.......Big hugs for you........

It is so painful to be rejected, and at a time when you're already down...

Just keep telling yourself.......I am bigger than this pain, this loss...

Time is the great healer, I know it is........I've been there too..........

Don't ever worry about asking for support, or whatever you need......

The Lounge has a very big heart, and right now you are in it!

:grouphug: :hug: :grouphug: :hug: :grouphug: :hug: :grouphug: :hug: :grouphug:

[livetohike]

35. I'm sorry Cannikin

:hug:

I know that words sound so hollow now, but things will get better. You will be okay. Take care of yourself :hug:.

[Amaya]

36. I'm so sorry

I'm going through the same thing.
my bf broke up with me over the phone 12 days ago.
I've been a mess (crying all the time ).
I know it's hard and painful. It's like a death and you have to grieve. Think of yourself right now.
It will take some time, but you will get through this.

And have no contact with this person, until you heal.

:hug:

[HEyHEY]

37. Some "being alone tips"

Tips on being alone from a guy who's been alone for most of his life.

1 - For starters.... become more cynical. This will help you not want to be in a relationship and you will avoid being swept away by a pretty face. Plus, it can be fun.
2 - Develop a healthy alcohol dependency. When I say healthy I mean enjoy going out and cutting loose but don't become a total boozer. This will help you deal with the stress and worry of being alone. Plus you'll have more adventures that will remind you being free to roam is a good thing. It will also remind you there's more to life than another person.
3 - Start reading more. Then you can get used to enjoying being alone with a book/paper and a cup of coffee.
4 - Remember daylight follows the darkness and you WILL be okay.
5 - Masturbate.... lot's
6 - Find a new hobby that you can do by yourself. Just to get your mind on other things.
7 - Re-connect with friends and family. Use this time to get to know people you may not have spent enough time with over the last few years. You will probably enjoy it.

The real trick is to find everything you like about being single and focus on that.
Good luck.

[ronnykmarshall]

48. Did you read my diary????

Sounds like my last breakup ... #5 :thumbsup:

[hfojvt]

71. something about your signature picture seems like good advice

get a dog, then you will always have somebody around to bug the crap out of you

[MadAsHellNewYorker]

38. here is much love to you

:hug:

[u4ic]

39. I'm so sorry, Cannikin

I can't add any more words of wisdom to what's already been mentioned...take it day by day, allow yourself to feel the feelings - and you will have many coming at you at once - and know there are a lot of people who do care. :hug: :hug: :hug:

[tjwmason]

40. I'm so terribly sorry for you.

:hug:

There's plenty more where that came from too.

You're a great guy - just remember that.

:hug:

[ceile]

41. Oh, that sucks!

Lots of hugs for you :hug: :hug: :hug:

[Divameow77]

42. Hugs for you

:hug:

[Cannikin]

44. I dont know what to say. The love keeps coming from you all. And I need it

[Divine Discontent]

72. been there....

I hurt with you. My prayers go out to you making it through this, and that you are special. Also, on top of that, he obv. thought you were special to stay with you that long, something (and what he says) must be bugging him inside. But you can't control what people do. Again, I'm so sorry for you having this happen, I gladly say best wishes since you so openly share your grief. :hug:

[Shine]

45. I'm sorry, Cannikin.

:hug: Know that you can rise above your pain and you are capable of coming to a new place of self-acceptance and self-love.
This is an OPPORTUNITY for you to delve deep into a healing relationship with YOURSELF.
Be well. :hug:

[AutumnMist]

46. A Hug For You

:hug: Anytime you need one!

[ronnykmarshall]

47. Oh my gawd .... I'm so sorry sweetie.

:hug:

[bigwillq]

49. Happens to the best of us.

:hug: I am very sorry about your situation.

But you do know how to be alone....what about all those years without a lover.....you did fine, right?

And you'll do fine again.

Some of what you're feeling is just a natural human reaction. We all can relate. So, you're truly not alone. :hug:


Time heals all wounds. Things happen for a reason. It might be for the best. Brighter days are ahead.
Be strong.

:hug:

[lizziegrace]

50. Awww sweetie.

My heart breaks for you. It's very scary being on your own. I found myself in the same situation 5 years ago after 18 years married and 5 dating. More than half my life.

You'll get through this with time and tears. Lean on us here. We've all been through it.

:hug:

[BrightBlueDot]

51. I'm so sorry.

I've battled depression since elementary school, so I understand where you're coming from.

Please hang in there. :hug: :hug: :hug:

[hickman]

52. This sucks. A good hard hug for you.

Wallow in your grief and sorrow for a little while. I've found that trying to block it, or "just get over it, you're better off" doesn't do anything but prolong the pain and turn it into bitterness. :hug:

[lavenderdiva]

53. dear Cannikin- I'm so very sorry to hear about your relationship

I have some choice words for your boyfriend, if I were ever in the same room with him! I want you to remember that you are not alone: there are many, many DUers who care about you, and are here any hour of the day or night. You are going to be stronger when this is over. I heard something I liked today: 'Breathe in faith, breathe out fear'.

I'm sending you lots of hugs: :hug: :hug: :hug:

I too, have been through severe depression, and it is possible to come out on the other side. I'm not saying that I've completely recovered, but it is possible to pick up the pieces again, and there are smiles in your future.

[EstimatedProphet]

54. Man, that sucks

I'm sorry.

:hug:

[skygazer]

55. Aw, honey, I'm so sorry

:hug: Yeah, I hear you about the sickness and in health thing - I'm bipolar and not getting any younger and the thought is always kinda in the back of my mind, wondering if my guy would actually stick around if things got nasty healthwise. I like to think he would but it's just so easy for people to walk away from trouble instead of hanging in there....

Don't fear being alone (I know, easier said than done). After the initial shock, there's a lot to be said for it - no compromises, you can do what YOU want with no guilt, that kind of thing. I discovered a lot about myself after my second marriage ended - I'd been married the first time at 19, and sort of segued into the second without a lot of time between (a big reason it didn't work, I'm sure - that and the fact that he was a major jerk).

But I did find out a lot about what I like, and what I want - things I hadn't really seen before because I was always a part of a couple. It made me a lot more secure which helps a great deal in my present relationship - I know I don't NEED him so much as I want to be with him. And even though there are those thoughts about the sickness and health thing, that's not so frightening to me now that I know I can be just fine on my own.

:hug:

[Herman Munster]

56. I'm sorry you are going through this

Unfortunately, most people are not able to deal with someone with serious mental health issues. It takes a very strong person, not to cut and run.

I think it may be best before you go into another relationship to get to the root of your depression and find a long-term solution or you may fall into this pattern with your next boyfriend.

Most guys just don't want to deal with a chick who has issues. And the guys that do are for the most part damaged in some way themselves, or just desperate and taking what they can get and using you for sex until they find a better chick.

[regnaD kciN]

58. Verily, that sucketh...

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

(This is at least the second case I know of a DUer getting dumped by their significant other because of medical problems. What's wrong with these guys? :grr: )

[WindRavenX]

59. Sweetie, I am SO sorry

If you need to talk/vent, drop me a line, ok? :hug:

[SeattleGirl]

60. I'm so sorry, sweetie.

:hug: :hug: :hug:

[BreweryYardRat]

61. Sorry to hear that.

:hug:

[last_texas_dem]

62. I wish you the best

towards getting through all of the pain. Getting over an almost six-year relationship ending... I can't even imagine. I had a hell of a time getting over a two-year relationship that I was in after it ended.

You probably don't want to hear this right now, and I obviously don't know anything about this guy other than the little you've said in the post, but it sounds like you're better off without him anyway. Any guy who would say something like what he said to you sounds like a real jerk. To leave you after you've been dealing with severe depression with such a pathetic line as the one he used... ugh.

You already know how painful it is, but it will gradually fade with time. Sometimes that's the best way to reassure yourself things are going to feel better at some point; just keeping that in mind. Do whatever feels the best to you to cope. Don't let what others say about the "ideal" time it takes to get over a relationship get to you; everyone has to deal with this stuff in their own way, and what feels right to you is the best way for you.

:hug:

[Sacajawea]

63. "There's lots of good fish in the sea..." as per Gilbert & Sullivan.

Don't forget that! His leaving just shows his lack of character. You're MUCH better off without his kind. You CAN do better, much better, than him. :hug:

[Bucky]

70. Please note that Sacajawea is NOT advising you to date fish, however

I mean, you can't take them out to restaurants or anything. Especially seafood restaurants.
Boy, would THAT be embarrassing!

[swimboy]

64. Canninkin--

I'm really, really sorry. Shit.

:hug:

I know you must be feeling terrible right now and I'm thinking of you and sending you all the good vibes I know how. I'm sorry I was away from my computer all day and didn't know this had happened. I hope you can begin to heal but I know the shock and the hurt is going to last for a little while.

Please don't be scared, though. He didn't have the stuff, not you. You are strong enough to be on your own for a while. It will just be very different. I am NOT trying to downplay how you feel now. I'm just trying to express my confidence in you and that you will be all right.

I'm also sorry I didn't know you have been having severe depression. I hope you were able to get some help for that. I did and it's making a world of difference.

I'm awfully sorry but I have a lot of faith in you.

:loveya:

[alarimer]

65. I'm sorry

But it sounds like you're better off. Sometimes it takes a while to find out someone's true colors but there it is.

[astral]

66. I'm sorry

I do know how being dumped feels, but not after six years. I think it took me longer to get over my last dump than the relationship it self lasted. But you will survive this, and be stronger and wiser coming out the other end. Just try to not get all wrapped up in anyone else before you are done healing. Attention from the opposite sex, now there's nothing wrong with that, and it can help with the healing too.

You have a lot to walk through. Learning to stand alone, but not isolated from the human race, can be a very empowering thing for you. Then, in God's time, when the right person is near you will feel it.

You will be in my prayers.

[Heidi]

67. Cannikin,

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. :hug: Learning to be alone is an important life skill; please don't allow the fear to pull you under. You're among friends here. :grouphug:

[Duppers]

68. hugs

I know how it hurts. He wasn't worth keeping if he'd do this to you.

Take care of yourself.

[Bucky]

69. Big ol dang Hug (of course). Just remember that it WILL get better

Sometimes when you're in shock, you forget that. Find a friend who'll tell you that. A year from now, whether you're with someone else or not, you'll want to look back on this relationship for the good times you had and not be angry about the ending. Everyone's got a different path in life, of course, but when I've split from relationships in the past and found I was angry about it, it usually meant I had some more healing to do about issues within myself--invariably issues that came about long before the relationship ever started. One route to long term happiness (for me) has been what I call "forgiveness work", learning to understand why things go the way they go in my life and learning to forgive myself for whatever makes things go in ways I don't like.

But for now, what you need to do is feel sad and when you feel sad, love yourself for your ability to feel sadness. That's a gift too, even if it doesn't feel like that.