Op Ed: I Have A Dream To Eat A Kentucky Derby Winning Horse

[matcom]

<snip>

Brothers and sisters.

Nearly two-score years ago, the Creator gave me life, and the wheels of my destiny were irreversibly set into motion. Friends, I am a simple man, an ordinary man, a man like any other. Yet for months now, I have been seized with the desire to enact a plan so grand and extraordinary that its very fearsomeness often makes me tremble. It's a vision so blazing that it sometimes overcomes me, and all else is blotted out, and when I come to, I can feel hot tears rolling down my face. But this dream is no nightmare, my friends. Rather, it has imbued my life with purpose and drive, and I have little doubt that I shall see it realized.

I have a dream, brothers and sisters, to one day eat a Kentucky Derby winner.

Be it princely steed or serene filly, I dream of the day when an equine victor will pass through my digestive system. A champion whose hard-charging gait once thrilled the throngs at Churchill Downs shall be masticated by me with great relish and gusto. This I vow.

I realize that some of you may object to the consumption of horseflesh. But the only anxiety I feel stems from this: I do not know which horse to choose. For, my friends, the surviving pool of Derby winners offers many options. Take, for example, the capricious 2002 winner War Emblem. His sinewy neck and shoulders could feed me for days. A mere glimpse of the flanks of this year's underdog gelding Funny Cide causes me to drool like a faucet. The powerful haunches of Monarchos, or Go For Gin, clearly belong in my stomach. But then one must consider that a seasoned veteran like Alysheba, long put out to stud, might afford gustatory delights of a more subtle variety. And just imagine the fetlocks of Silver Charm, the 1997 winner and one of the leading money-earners of all time, wedged between two pieces of white bread.

I cannot tell you why God has made this my life's mission. All I know is that it must be brought to fruition.

more:

http://www.theonion.com/3949/opinion1.html

[Whitacre D_WI]

1. "If wishes were horses, we'd all be eating steak." -- Jayne Cobb

n/t

[GOPisEvil]

2. What are the writers and editors at The Onion smoking?

Ewwwww...LOL!

[MrBenchley]

3. Seriously

Any time you go to Kentucky, you will find lots of restaurants withtnames like the Post & Bridle, Saddle & Stirrup, etc...

And the airport restaurant in Louisville used to have a Secretariat burger, a Kelso burger, etc....

[BiggJawn]

4. There's a joke in here, but I can't do it....

Drat that "No Sex" rule!

[OldSoldier]

5. Is it his dream to eat a boiled one?

Place that first succulent morsel of grilled horseflesh in your mouth and the first thought to course through your mind will be "the hide isn't the only thing that's leathery."