My friend told her BF, she wants a kid SOON. She's 35, he's a lot older

[zonkers]

(55)and not interested at all. No marriage. No love child. In fact, he has kids by a prev. marriage.

They've been dating two years and are very close and well matched, despite the age difference. But his episode has thrown things for a loop. If he loves her, shouldn't he want to make her happy? Finances is not an issue for her. She is really bummed right now. What can I tell her if anything? This must be a common problem.

[Heidi]

1. He can't _make_ her happy.

But she can do a lot toward her own happiness by finding a partner who shares her wish to have children. :hi:

[zonkers]

2. I held off giving specific advice and mostly listened but you are

echoing my thoughts. on edit... she's a little different, not strange but quirky but such a good person. Funny thing is... she's gorgeous. Only she always ends up with difficult, intellectual self centered guys... and things never seem to work out. I worry for her.

[enigmatic]

6. Heidi is absolutely right

Bringing a child into the world soley to make a partner happy is a recipe for disaster for all involved..

[idgiehkt]

3. my sister has gone through this again and again.

right now she's planning on marrying a man 6 years her junior who does want kids, but she's "reproductively challenged" now (her words) and may actually have to get a donor egg. I know time wise she may have not otherwise met the guy but the only suggestions I would have would be dump the guy which I would do if I wanted a child, now, while there is still time, or what my mother always says which is 'no man would ever stop me from having a child if I wanted one'. Not the most enlightened viewpoint on her part, but whatever. Not my area of expertise, I just wish my sister had met this guy a few years ago instead of at 39.

[zonkers]

4. Know what you mean. Time is the enemy when it comes to these things.

[Omphaloskepsis]

5. She should move on....

"If he loves her, shouldn't he want to make her happy?" Jesus Christ... We are discussing a baby, not a pizza.

[REP]

7. He Doesn't Owe Her a Baby

He needs to run like hell before he's "oopsed" into becoming a father again. If she wants to be a mother, she needs to be with someone who wants to be a father.

[Guava Jelly]

8. As a 40 year old man w/o kids

I wonder sometimes why people feel so empty without children.
I have dozens of nieces and nephews and i love them all and am glad they are born and here.
But I guess I have never had the yearning to reproduce?
Maybe i havent met the right partner? hell i dunno..I love my cats :)

[Crazy Dave]

9. This happened to me one time

I was 35 and this 19 year friend of mine really got attached to me. I was considerate enough to tell her that a future with the two of us probably wouldn't work out as I already had kids of my own (previous marriage) and didn't plan on having anymore and her being so young I'm sure a family was in her future plans. Plus I was also slowing down on the nightlife, partying and all. I had my chance to go crazy for a number of years and didn't want to deny anyone else the same as I was turning into a boring homebody. Long story short, she finally met a younger guy and down the road I met Mrs. DTW and everything worked out for the better.

[ScreamingMeemie]

10. Should he make her happy at the price of his own happiness is the

real question. In my opinion, she isn't so very well matched to him if this is an issue for her. My heart goes out to her though. That's a sad situation to be in. Perhaps she could reexamine her life and priorities and thoughts about children...and then move on if it is still important to her. It isn't a fair situation for either of them.

[zonkers]

12. I agree. Ulitimately they are not well matched. I appreciate the responses

from everyone and the personal perspectives. Thanks.

[Bucky]

11. YEH! what's his deal? It's just sperm. Donate already, ya selfish bastard!

Tell your friend there's plenty of swimmers in the sea. But a man having kids at 55 is not a light decision. I'm 42 with only one kid and I'd never consider cranking out another young'un.