anger management - funniest email I have received in a long time

proud2BlibKansan

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Sat Sep-23-06 09:19 PM
Original message

anger management - funniest email I have received in a long time

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take
it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out
on someone you don't know.

I was sitting in my bar room when I remembered a phone call I'd
forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered,
saying "Hello."

I politely said, "This is Max. Could I please speak with Robyn
Carter?"

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right number!" and
the phone was slammed down on me.

I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.
When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I
had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an asshole!" and
hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it,
and put it in my cell phone.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day,
I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!"

It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic "asshole
calling"
would have to stop.

So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from Verizon Cellular.
I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"

He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone.

I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!"

One day I was at Wal-Mart, getting ready to pull into a parking spot.

Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had
patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting
for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign
in his back window which included his phone number, so I wrote down the
number.

A couple of days later , right after calling the first asshole (I had
his number on speed
dial) I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.
I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

"Yes, it is", he said.

"Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked.

"Yes, I live at ----- Palm Lane, Ft. Myers, Fl. It's a yellow house,
and the car's parked right out in front."

"What's your name?" I asked.

"My name is Don Hansen," he said.

"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

"I'm home every evening after five."

"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

"Yes?"

"Don, you're an asshole!" Then I hung up.

Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.

Then I came up with an idea. I called Asshole #1.

"Hello."

"You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)

"Are you still there?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Stop calling me," he screamed.

"Make me," I said.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"My name is Don Hansen."

"Yeah? Where do you live?"

"Asshole, I live at -----Palm Lane, Ft. Myers, Fl, a yellow house, with
my black Beamer parked in front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start
saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole,"
and hung up.

Then I called Asshole #2. "Hello?" he said.

"Hello, asshole," I said.

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."

"You'll what?" I said! .

"I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.

I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance.
I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived
at -----Palm Lane, Ft. Myers, Fl, and that I was on my way over there
to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 2 News about the gang war going down on Palm Lane.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Palm Lane
I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of
each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead police helicopter and
a news crew.

NOW I feel much better.