So I think I've had it with my sister.

[Robb]

The last time I never wanted to talk to her again was when my now-ex-girlfriend's daughter was having her baby, and my sister's comment about Medicare helping pay for the hospital time for her (18, as she is) was "Oh, great. Taxpayer money." :eyes:

Now I discover she wasn't going to invite me to her house for the holidays, because she didn't want her children to be around "my lifestyle" -- heathens though we were, living in sin. But that now that I'm single again, it would be OK.

I think I'm done. I can't imagine anything worse than being trapped at her house in December.

[Deja Q]

1. $5 says GoPsUx copycats that title...

:rofl:

[Radical Activist]

31. I've thought of four really inappropriate responses

involving me and his sister, but I'll refrain. :)

[Deja Q]

2. But in all seriousness,

Yeah, she doesn't sound very friendly...

Grill her on taxes, the tax cuts we haven't noticed, and corporate 'subsidy' (which is far, far more money than welfare for any number of people who actually need it)

[Robb]

3. Tough sell

She and her hubby are actually the fabulously wealthy. It makes all sense for her to be a Republican, because she's actually benefiting from it. :D

[Deja Q]

9. Tell her what happens if republican irresponsibility crashes the economy

She'll become as wealthy as the rest of us then. :D

[Robb]

11. Ah, you know. Old money.

They've always got a plan. Daddy Warbucks-style. :D

[buddhamama]

4. family or no,

I would have to agree with you. She obviously does not respect you, and her love comes with conditions. In this situation, at this point in your life, i think you would be doing more harm to yourself by continuing to communicate with her. It doesn't have to be for the rest of your lives, but, I do not think a break is unjustified. :hug:

[ThomCat]

5. Sometimes you are better off keeping family at a distance

Especially if they are that judgemental and negative.

I'm so sorry that you have to deal with that on top of everything else right now. :( :hug:

[Bossy Monkey]

6. Just say, "Great! Thanks! See you then!--

How many hookers can I bring?" Should solve the problem.:P

[xchrom]

7. ya know i have rednecks in my family -- not wealthy --

but republican all the same.

well i always used to do the family thing for the holidays.

then i got SOBER and realized the holidays were MY holidays and i could spend them making my SELF happy.

and making me happy means not spending it with people who don't like -- or disapprove of me -- or who are just plain old ordinary idiots.

and now i endlessly LOVE the holidays -- and many times i am just by myself -- love it.

Happy Holidays!

[NC_Nurse]

8. I think I'd take

"my lifestyle" somewhere else for the holidays. Somewhere where I and my lifestyle would be appreciated, respected, even CELEBRATED! ;-)
She sounds like a bitch. I think I'd give her a wide berth til she lightens up.
Don't worry, some day those kids of hers will help her learn a little humility. :D
Until then, take care of you. You deserve it. :hug:

[matcom]

10. haven't talked to my sister in 5 years

we too are 'heathens' to her Baptist Fundie ways :eyes:

she quit teaching because they 'forced' her to expose her students to 'Heather Has Two Mommies' (or whatever that book title was)

Gawd forbid kids should be exposed to 'that situation' :eyes:

Nevermind that 2 kids in her class had gay parents.

[SoyCat]

32. I haven't spoken to my sister in over 3 years. And that isn't going to

change.

Ever.

Some people are just too mean for words.

[mad-mommy]

12. I have said I was done a few times, only to return to family gatherings.

I have said I was done a few times, only to return to family gatherings.

I don't get people who have such high moral standards...religion motivated...who then turn around and judge people.

There are no perfect people in the world, her children need to learn that.

I have to say, no matter how strongly I felt about a situation, I would NEVER make a comment like she did to you regarding the medicare. "congratulations" or "how is everyone doing" would have been more christian like.

I have learned to just show up at the gathering, and migrate toward the people who are fun. If I get caught up with someone who is starting to sound crazy...I find a reason to step away. I find a glass of wine on arrival also ups my tolerance :) Just think that you are really the person in control of the situation, as you can choose to go or not go, and if you go, you can always leave.

[leftyladyfrommo]

13. Do you have someplace else to go? Someplace fun?

Maybe if you don't show up she will realize that she has pushed too far. I hate being places where I feel wierd - so I just don't go any more.

Xmas should be a fun time - even if you just go to a movie with someone you like. You don't have to go and be miserable.

[Ellen Forradalom]

14. Yes, make other plans

You have enough hurt going on, you don't need anyone else to pile on more.

[Maestro]

15. Sorry to hear that.

I can't be around one of my uncles either. He hath drunketh too far from the Faux News kool-aid pitcher.

[politicat]

16. You can come over to ours... we're heathens who love other heathens.

We'll probably be doing all sorts of weird stuff ( I think we're going to have a haunted gingerbread house build, and do a big absolutely non traditional dinner party, and we may have our Obscene dinner party at Christmas instead of thanksgiving this year.)

I have room and you'd be welcome. It's just the other side of the state....

[Darth_Kitten]

29. Haunted gingerbread house?

how do you decorate that?

that sounds too cool........

[politicat]

37. Dark icing, bat candy, lots of red hots... whatever.

We're getting creative.

[Midlodemocrat]

17. We don't talk to Mr. Midlo's sister.

When his mother died, she went even more nuts than she already was and said all kinds of terrible things to us about the way we were grieving. In other words, because we weren't sitting around all day wailing and gnashing our teeth, we weren't grieving. :eyes:

Then she started to write letters to us about how awful we were, etc. and wouldn't let us talk to her father with whom she lived.

She forced him to sign all his accounts over to her, then abused the crap out of him after he had a stroke, so we had to rescue him and have him come live with us.

She got the house, the accounts and we got the bill for the funeral.

If I were you, I would write her off and spend the holidays with someone who was happy to have you.

[SoyCat]

34. That sounds like how my family operates; I'm sorry you had to deal w/ that

[Tyo]

18. Or ours

Our whole little street is pretty pagan, with some Buddhist influences. You could come for Thanksgiving if you like.

[undeterred]

19. I "had it" with my sister when our father died

and I realized she had taught her children that he was going to hell for all eternity.

My liberal minister buried my father, with respect for his atheism. Of course, my liberal minister and I are going to hell too, because we don't belong to her church.

[Generic Brad]

41. I got sick of my family telling me I was going to hell

Guess what? I told them they could all to go to hell instead of me!

None of us have to tolerate intoleration from people who claim to love us but who clearly do not like us.

[undeterred]

46. People who love each other sometimes have to work at liking each other

but they aren't willing to make the effort.

[Gormy Cuss]

20. No need to have the holidays with her.

I feel sorry for her children who are missing out on good quality time with their very cool uncle.

[WolverineDG]

21. Just because they're family

doesn't mean you have to like them, or spend time or money on them. (speaking from experience here)

Spend your holiday time & money on people who appreciate you for who you are. Life's too short to do otherwise.

dg

[haf216]

22. I would just go somewhere there is good friends and laugher.

You don't need to be on pins and neddles during the holidays. they stressful enough.

[miss_american_pie]

23. I'm sorry

:hug:

[MiniMandaRuth]

24. Forbid her from ever showing her face around your house again.

It might sound a little harsh, but that's what I think should be done. You don't need her around you and you don't need to be around her.

[Haole Girl]

25. Hugs for you...

Having family members who drive me crazy, truly, I understand (and, I'm not just saying that!). Hugs to you..:hug: :hug: I hope somehow you can make peace. At the moment, I am "at peace" with all of my family members, but I'm sure it won't last long. I have a step-mother who once got into a huge argument over toilet paper (I kid you not).

[Katina]

26. take a break, but never eliminate your family

when it comes down to it, they are really all you have. You can't make your sister approve of what you do or how you live, but you can demonstrate tolerance, goodness & kindness to her children. They need to learn it from someone, and she is obviously failing in that area.

[SoyCat]

33. That might work for you because your family is fundamentally good.

Some of us have family that cares only for themselves and wouldn't dream of loving or caring about other family members. My sister will never be a part of my life--family or not.

[Katina]

42. you are making a big presumption about my family.....

and I still think it's not so much about his sister, it's more about letting his niece/nephew see what a truly tolerant (CHRISTIAN) person is REALLY supposed to be like. If we don't teach the next generation, then what the f*ck can we complain about when they sh*t on us?

[SoyCat]

47. It's not our job to try to raise siblings' children. Thankfully, my

sister has no children thus, I have no one to worry about. Plus, I'm atheist and don't really give a damn about christian values. I think their values are generally what is wrong with this country. It tends to be the people who consider themselves the *best* christians who are, in fact, the cruelest and most vindictive people. I have no problem with those Christians who quietly live their lives not trying to impress anyone with their godliness or trying to convert others.

And as for the assumption about your family, you made quite an assumption that "they are really all you have". Many of us have tried very hard to surround ourselves with people who treat us much better than family ever has or ever will. Those people are called friends. Friends can be a far greater asset in life than family and will be there when family chooses not to be.

[Katina]

52. wow, that was harsh

showing children how to be kind, generous and tolerant of others is something we ALL need to do because parents (whether they are part of your family or not) don't always do it. If we, as a species, don't teach our children, then we are all to blame when they hate. It has nothing to do with religion, it has to do with the betterment of mankind.

Do as you wish, but as for me, I will continue to be a role model for my family first & foremost, and then for my friends.

[SoyCat]

56. When family is that awful, they hardly allow the family member they

think is *so awful* to be around their precious little ones. Those children will never have a chance to learn any values from their decent family members. Sorry, I just don't care about them because they are decidedly unsavable. I'll put my efforts towards children who haven't been taught to hate me from *birth*.

I tried your tack for fifteen years and it didn't work. At all. I no longer beat my head against the wall over family.

And funny, it was my own mother who told me years ago to stop doing things for those famly members. She used that biblical quote about throwing pearls before swine. And, yes, she loves these people. She is just smart enough to realize that not all family can be helped--nor wants to be helped.

[Darth_Kitten]

27. I thought I was the only one wanting to write off family members........

don't go...........

:(

[skygazer]

28. That's such a sad situation

When I was younger, it didn't seem like a big deal to be on the outs with family members. I didn't speak to my dad for years and I felt that I had a valid reason. I still feel it was valid but now I'm less inclined to break ties. My best friend's father died after many years of friction between the two of them. They had just begun mending fences when he had a stroke - my friend's marriage and the birth of his kids had brought them closer - but there were still a lot of things left unsaid and a lot of bitterness still there. Made me think a lot about my family. I don't want to end up living with the kinds of things my friend is living with. Regrets. Questions.

So I don't blame you for wanting to distance yourself from this sister, who sounds pretty harshly judgmental. But I would advise you to keep the door open a crack, anyway. As maddening as they are, our families are.... well, our families. :hug:

[nini]

36. I agree and disagree

some disputes are so stupid that the time lost because of them is such a waste. I know of many people who let the stupid stuff put a wedge between others for way too long.

However sometimes family can be so toxic that it's just not healthy to hang on because they are 'family'. Sometimes we have to let them go.

[SOteric]

30. Good for you, Robb.

It's hard sometimes to get away from the emotional stranghold of idiot siblings during the holidays, but it's in everyone's best interest. Maybe you deserve to give yourself a ski trip for Christmas.

[nini]

35. my first response was 'how sad'

then I rememebered I haven't talked to one of my brothers in about 3 years and I do not miss his crap at all. He turned on my mom and the rest of us over some some narcissistic crap that would take me too long to go into. Basically, he has some sense of superiority and decided he would have nothing to do with us if he wasn't the center of the entire family. Being we're not the kind of family to think one of us is better than the others he cut us off. He doesn't even know if my 82 year old mother is alive or dead.

You know what? I don't miss him. He was more a source of tension than love and companionship. It's better he lives in his arrogant, self-absorbed shell away from me. I wouldn't tolerate friends like that - the fact we are related by blood doesn't make it any different.

Your life is better off without judgmental hypocrits anyway. Keep your distance and live your life anyway you want.


btw: I'd much rather my tax dollars be spent on that young lady and her baby than blowing up Iraqis.

[LiberalHeart]

38. Sisters are highly overrated.

I haven't spoken to mine in years; never will again.

[SoyCat]

39. I couldn't agree more.

[REP]

40. From Your Posts About The Ex and Her Daughter

I can't say I blame your sister for not wanting those disruptive forces (and casually dropped loaded diapers) in her house or around her family. As harsh as this is, I wouldn't allow that in my house, either - and my brother would never ask me to tolerate such behavior from anyone, ever.

on edit = on a laptop; typing stinks worse than usual

[Robb]

48. Fair enough

...But it's about respecting me and my choices. I chose to have those two (three) in my life, because I valued the relationship with them.

Disruptive? Sure. But worth every moment. :)

[REP]

49. Worth It To You

You agree they are disruptive. I imagine your sister has a more conventional life and that may include things that could be broken or stolen (yes, I'd worry about the daughter or her friends looking for a quick buck through my possessions). Many people with conventional lives and young children don't want hurricanes of disruption blowing through their lives. They don't want it for you, either, but you can make your own choices; all she can do is control what forces enter her house. Again, just reading *your* posts about the pair make me side with your sister, and I almost never side with conventional family people.

[Robb]

54. I agree

What she allows in her house is entirely up to her. But that doesn't mean I have to agree, for example, to come visit if I don't bring my live-in girlfriend.

[SammyWinstonJack]

43. Bet she thinks corporate welfare is cool, right? When my second

son was born, Medicare or Calif. version of it, paid for my son's birth , because we couldn't afford it and my husband didn't have health insurance with his job. Should I have just aborted him because i couldn't afford to pay for his birth, even though my husband was working a full time job? Sometimes, people need a hand up and that doesn't equal a hand out. Why are some people so selfish, so self-righteous? Hang in there Robb, :hug:

[Skittles]

44. if she doesn't accept your lifestyle, she doesn't accept YOU

no need to put up with that kind of grief, life is too short - be with people who do accept you as you are

[SammyWinstonJack]

45. Well said! nt

[LaurenG]

50. Print out this thread and send it to her

Be kind, wish her a happy Christmas and decline. You don't need to be hurt by anyone and especially "conditional" family members.

I have no family members who are as self righteous as that over those issues. However, one of my brother's who voted for bush twice and is now nearly bankrupt, would harass my sister for not being as smart as he was with money. He regrets now with everything in him, voting for bush and he has also apologized to our sister as he and his small business are being "bush-whacked" by the day.

You can spend Christmas with friends and let her have her happy Christmas without you. :hug:

[wildhorses]

51. Robb~

Myabe you should skip this year with family and spend it with people who make you feel peaceful and

loved. You deserve this. You are a great person. As far as making final decisions concerning

family~Now is not the time for that. You are in too much turmoil to think clearly. You do not OWE

your family anything and your time is ALL you have. Do what you NEED to do for YOU!! Take care

dingbatt and know that you are loved.

:hug:

[Missy Vixen]

53. I haven't talked to my family in years by choice

It's been the most peaceful time of my life.

They're still fighting over things that happened 40 years ago that nobody can change. I, thankfully, don't have to deal with it.

When one is treated better by complete strangers than "family," it's time to cut the ties.

Julie

[Evoman]

55. That really sucks...my family has its problems, but they are all very good

people. I love my sister...she's not very politically aware, and she can be a bit *uncreative* at times (shes an accountant, lol), but she has a really good heart and she cares about all of us. She invited me over to her house for thanksgiving, because she lives far away, misses me, and wants to my nephew and niece (twins!) to get better acquanted with me. The funny thing is that I'm pretty sure she hated me when we were kids (15 years ago), and now I'm her favourite brother lol.