Found this, had to share:

[Lautremont]

The Day The Mad Man Attacked



A STORY BY LUGANIS

Ralpho and Patee went skinnydipping by the lake. They left there clothes on the bank. A tire swing was there and Ralpho swung into it. They had a good time. Until the heavy breathing started in the bushes. A mad man was watching them swim and have a good time. He had a long knife.

Then the mad man struck, killing Ralpho, but Patee thought it was a joke Ralpho was playing. IT WAS NOT. The killer lunged again, and Patees blood turned the water a deep umber.

Sheriff Omar was puzzled. It looked like another murder by the mad man. But what was the motive? Was it a crime of passion? Omar didn't think so. Who could say?

And that was when the terrible smell filled the room. Who was it? Omar thought. He looked around wildly. Footsteps ran off down the hallway, just out of Omars sight. He ran after, but no good. Was it just Deputy Bultun? He popped out from nowhere, scaring Omar but grinning and carrying a big sandwich.

'You scared me ya durn fool!' raged Omer. Bultun just laughed, his mouth full of food. Food sprayed everywhere as Bultun laughed and laughed at his boss Omer, Sheriff Omer.

Meanwhile, Young Marlene was waiting at the bus stop. Nearby were some bushes. Although she did not hear the heavy breathing from within! She thought it was a dog. IT WAS NOT. But at the last moment, the bus pulled up, scaring her. Phew!

And then Patee lurched out of the bushes at the last moment. Was this the killer? So many suspects already! But the bus carried Marlene to safety - for now!

Meanwhile, Sherrif Omer was looking for clues to the murder. He probed the bushes with various instruments of scientific and law inforcement inquiry. Nothing there.

But a forth victim would soon surface. There was Uylesses, sunbathing on his roof, clad only in a small garment. A shadow passed over him. A bird? IT WAS NOT. The killers knife swooped down like a bird though. Uylessess neck was severed!

Omer shook his head. So many victims, and where was that deputy, Bultun? Eating somewhere and laughing and blowing his half-chewed food around the room. Never around when he was needed, raged Omer. Now there was a mystery to be solved, and where was he?

CAN YOU GUESS THE KILLER?

[Tyrone Slothrop]

1. Was it Pattee?

[Lautremont]

2. My guess is the deputy.

Only a guess, though.

However, reading it again, I think you might be on to something.

[Tyrone Slothrop]

3. I also considered the deputy

Where did this come from?

The syntax is very unusual; I couldn't tell if this written in English by a nonnative English speaker -- or if that was intentional to add to the "mystery."

[Lautremont]

4. It was on a chat board concerned mainly with horror movies.

One of the members had written it as his stab, so to speak, at a slasher movie treatment. I believe English is nominally his first language. Unfortunately he seems to have been banned, or has left of his own accord, before being able to reveal the identity of the killer.

IT WAS NOT is now a favourite phrase among the members of this board.

[Tyrone Slothrop]

5. Perhaps the killer is a fellow by the name of "Not"?

[Lautremont]

6. Brilliant!

There are suddenly depths to this piece I hadn't previously imagined. IT WAS NOT - the solution laid out emphatically before us, not once but several times!

[rug]

7. But Who's still on first.

[Lautremont]

8. IT WAS NOT on second.