DU Chumps and Chumpettes: I need your advice

[catbert836]

Well, actually, I don't. This friend of mine does. This imaginary friend that I have.

So, a while ago this imaginary friend developed a crush on a girl who he had a couple of classes at his high school with. If he were real, he and this girl would have been friends for a while before he grew attracted to her in this different kind of way. She would have been extremely intelligent and quite beautiful- two things my imaginary friend wouldn't be able to resist. My imaginary friend, however, is quite cowardly and doesn't know much at all when it comes to relationships, and so continued just being friends with this girl who he didn't have the cajones to ask out. If he weren't a figment of my imagination, he would have justified this by saying that he didn't really know her very well, or that his life was too complicated to leave any room for relationships. Well, about a year ago, the former reason evaporated when she joined Speech and Debate, something that I think my imaginary friend would enjoy a great deal.

I think my imaginary friend would have been elated, as he would be spending extra time with her, which in turn would give him no choice but to ask her out. I would think that he spent about until January working up the courage to ask her to the upcoming dance, and was even further elated when he heard that his crush was in need of a partner for team debate for an overnight tournament. If he were real, he would have eagerly volunteered hmself, and prepared to ask her out sometime during the tournament.

If I weren't making this whole story up, I think my imaginary friend would have done modestly well at the tournament with the girl he was too cowardly to ask out, perhaps they even would have made it to quarterfinals. At this point, however, a monkey wrench would have gotten thrown into his plans, in the form of his best friend.

Now my imaginary friend and his best friend go back a long way; they've known each other for six years and switched schools together twice. The only problem with their friendship would be that the best friend is ridiculously good at almost everything he does, whether it be school, sports, or, yes, Speech and Debate, while my imginary friend would be rather jealous of his achievments in all those areas. He would be so good that he might even have made it to final rounds in extemporaneous speaking, which guarantees him placing 1st through fourth.

So the monkey wrench might have occured like this: my imaginary friend and his crush would have lost to an excellent team in quarter-finals, the two seperating after his crush tells him that she wants to go hear his best friend's speech for the final round. Everything is cool for a while, and during the awards ceremony my imaginary friend gets an unexpected hug from the girl that he should have asked to the dance right then. It's on the bus home that things go south. The girl he should have asked out takes a seat next to his best friend, and they chat quite harmlessly for a while while my imaginary friend listens to his iPod and curses himself for being so cowardly. Eventually, he realizes that his best friend's arm is around her, and, concerned, he would have paused the iPod just in time to hear his best friend asking her to the dance, and her saying yes. The rest of the evening is spent in a haze of self-loathing, cursing and a vacant stare.

My imaginary friend is on student council, and so his presence would have been required at the dance if he weren't a construct of my imagination. He would have spent the dance mostly sitting on the gym bleachers, and left an hour early so no one would notice and feel sorry for him.

Now that's a rather pointless story, but my imaginary friend for some reason wanted me to post it, because he would have thought that it would help you understand things better. Fast forward seven months, towards the end of September. somewhere in there, my imaginary friend's best friend has denied that he and this girl were ever seriously going out. One night, possibly even yesterday, he might have googled his crush's name on a lark and stumbled across her profile on a MySpace-type site. He reads every page of her blog on this site, despite that it makes him feel like a stalker and despise himself even more. On this page he finds much poetry and musings concerning this girl's love for his best friend, although the last of them seems to date back several months.He lso discovers that he and this girl aren't that unlike each other: they both suffer from lonlieness, are both slightly awkward socially, both like the same sorts of music and literature, et cetera. Now, if he were real (and he's not), my imaginary friend would have a dilemma: should he finally ask this girl out, or should he remain backed off, as he is not aware to what extent her relationship with his best friend is still alive?

He could use advice from anyone, which is why I would have been asked to post this on DU. I'm sure if I were in that situation, I would like some too, especially from such a wise community of individuals. Even if you do not have any advice, thanks for listening.

[catbert836]

1. Kick

I told him that it wasn't worhwile- but no.

[catbert836]

2. Kick once more!

I'm sorry, but my imaginary friend also happens to be incredibly vain and thinks total strangers would care about the love life of a adolescent boy.

[sbj405]

3. He should ask her out.

nothing to lose and it will end the wondering of "what could have been." If he's too shy, maybe he could IM or email her via her myspace page. I don't think it's all that uncommon to "stumble" across another's page.

[catbert836]

4. I'm in agreement.

Homecoming's in a couple of weeks... that should be the opportune time. Thank you.

[Dangerously Amused]

5. Chumpette checking in!

:hi:



Okay...


"However, all the demands of school getting back in prevent my imaginary friend from making a move."

Now that is just your imaginary friend making imaginary excuses. There is nothing literally preventing him from making a move.



"...should he finally ask this girl out...?"

Yes, he finally should. Tell your friend that life is too short for imaginary relationships when there is real affection involved.



Good luck. To your friend, I mean.

[catbert836]

6. You're right. I was just making up excuses.

My imaginary friend was, I mean. Thank you, and I hope you weren't insulted by the term "chumpette". It's an inside joke from Futurama.

[Dangerously Amused]

7. Oh hell son, I been called lots worse than "chumpette."

In fact I got called the vilest thing I was ever called in my life right here on DU. You got nothin' to worry about.


:hi:

[petronius]

8. Your imaginary friend types too much...

All I see is "I like this girl blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah..." You get the idea.

The answer is always the same: ask the girl out, already! She may shoot you down, but that's no worse than shooting yourself down by keeping quiet...

The larger answer is to quit hesitating in those situations. It's no less scary to approach someone you like after brooding on it for days/weeks/months, so why procrastinate?

[catbert836]

9. Admitted.

Guilty on all counts.

[Flying Dream Blues]

11. Yes, kind of the old "jump in" vs. "ease in" to the pool dilemma.

Jumping in is much better!
:hi:

[Flying Dream Blues]

10. Two out of two chumpettes agree:

Your imaginary friend should ask her out. I think the idea of starting w/ a message on the MySpace page would be excellent. Chances are, she wished your friend had asked her out back then!

Keep us posted on what you imagine he does, k?

[politicat]

12. To your imaginary friend: Yes. Bloody Damn it. Ask her out!

Buy her a mocha, take a walk around the park, do anything but pass her a note with check-boxes.

Good gods of gaming, I WAS that girl. The smart one in the group of smart kids, fairly comfortable in my own skin, but utterly confused about what the hell was wrong with me when I saw far dumber, far uglier girls getting asked out for everything. For four bloody long years of high school. I had guy friends and I learned from a friend who actually went to our class reunion that about a dozen guys sat on the fence about asking me out for most of those four years, not willing to risk their own fragile egos to ask me out while I sat at home every bloody night (except when I was a relief date because someone got sick and another friend really wanted to go do something)... 13 guys, four years and a bloody hell of a lot of wasted time. It made every one of us miserable, and worse, it made all of us expect nothing better. It made real relationships harder when we were older because none of us had any damn practice. I would have been pathetically grateful for almost any acknowledgment.

That's what high school dating is, imaginary friend sitting on his imaginary duff. It's practice for real life.

To me, it sounds like the relationship with the friend is over, amicably and without pain. Mr. Imaginary should call the friend, ask one last time if he's sure that there's nothing there. Maybe even warn friend of intentions, because that kind of friendship is valuable.

Then, Mr. Imaginary needs to pick an afternoon activity, within walking distance (or similar, depending on car status and parental approvals necessary) that is vaguely academic - maybe a quick trip to a bookstore, or a discussion about a paper or something that can incorporate coffee or tea or some other beverage. Mr. Imaginary may need to cage money off of the Imaginary parents... assure them that $10 for a book and $10 for coffee is a twenty well spent. Mr Imaginary needs to shout down the nasty little voices in his head that tell him he's not up to this; those nasty little voices are pure evil and should be ignored and rooted out. If it helps, Mr. Imaginary needs to pretend that he's Mr Imaginary Plus Confidence and stick with the role. Or just keep asking himself, what would a confident me do? Then DO. IT.

Mr Imaginary should then ask Miss S&D out for a low pressure date - a movie, a non-major dance (if your community has them), a trip to a rec center or mini golf... something. Soon. Like maybe Friday. And if that date goes well, then Mr. Imaginary should ask for a more high pressure date... like home coming.

Don't be reticent. In 20 years, you'll kick yourself for not taking the chance you have now. Carpe Diem... and good luck.