If your pets could talk - what would they say about you

[LynneSin]

I'm a bit scared what mine would say. Abbott would say nice things but lets face it, Evita can be a bit of a bitch (I say that in a loving way).

What would your pets say about you if they could talk?

[kwassa]

1. That bastard won't constantly feed and pet me!

What's wrong with him, anyways?

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

2. Hmmm...

The Cats

Midnight: Fuck you and do my bidding, bitch.

Ginsberg: Feed me! Feed me! What'cha got? Tofu? Sure, I'll eat tofu! Tofu's good! Mmm...tofu! Woah, you've got shrimp, too? Shrimp! Shrimp! Shrimp! That was good! Got any more? I'm hungry! I haven't eaten in 15 seconds! You're starving me!

Peaches: No. You give me those chicken treats and I look pretty and innocent. You don't pick me up, got it?

Cuddles: Er...uh...me want dur...turkey. Dur...

The Bunnies
Darwin: Do you have yogurt treats? No? Then I shall hop away.

Elfie: AHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Don't pick me up!!!! Oh cool, I'm out of the cage. I like being out of the cage. Scratch my ears please.

The Lizards
Spot, Killer, Stumpy, Raoul Duke: Got crickets?

Dr. Gonzo: Have any human flesh that I can chew on? I haven't tasted human blood in three days.

[skygazer]

3. This human must be the stupidest beast on the planet

It takes her forever to respond to my commands.

[Rabrrrrrr]

4. Why don't you change the goddamn filters and give us some fresh water

more than once every two months, you fuck?

[Arugula Latte]

11. My fish are thinking that right now ... but

I actually have water waiting to go into the tank. Today is the day.

[Haole Girl]

5. Probably, "Could you please get me a kitty door?"

My Tabby cat really could use a cat door!

[Dervill Crow]

6. Take the damn TV out of the bedroom.

Daizie hates it when I watch TV in our room, particularly Sunday morning news shows. She makes a great show out of patiently standing there, staring me in the face, willing me to lift the quilt so she remove herself to the nether regions of the bed.

No one can silently say STFU quite like a Staffordshire terrier who wants to sleep in.

[ThomCat]

7. "Mom, I want more attention."

"Mom, why do you have to go away every day? Stay here and play with us."
"Mom, you can't sit up there unless we can climb on you. It's the rules."
"Mom, you can't lay down unless we can lay on top of you. It's the rules."
"Mom, is it time for food yet?"
"Let me out. Let me out. Let me out."
"Let me in. Let me in. Let me in."

:7

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

8. Why do they call you Mom and not Dad?

[ThomCat]

9. They're rescues, and two of the three

try to nurse from me at times. They bonded with me as a substitute mother. So I've always been Mom. :)

[NeoConsSuck]

10. Where does he go all day? (nt)

[mvd]

12. "I love you, but I'm old now - bring me more cookies"

My dog is really sweet.

[Blue Diadem]

13. She's a bed hog..I can't kick and stretch out.

She won't let me chase the cat or eat his food. She won't hold me like I'm a puppy but she'll let me sit on her lap and only groan a little bit about it.

She's always told me I will never be hungry again and she's right..but I could still use more of those dog cookies..oh and another pig ear.

said by Buddy..80lb yellow lab



I'm hungry, hungry, hungry, hungry..she never gives me enough food

said by granddaughter's yellow gold fish


Grandma won't let me scratch the furniture or climb her leg. I love to reach down from the cat tree and bite her hair when she walks by..and she doesn't mind that I do that.

said by Jr. 1 yr old grandkitty

[La Lioness Priyanka]

14. kitty and cokie

Kitty: i wish my mother would spend the night here occasionally...why is she always off to brooklyn...what on earth is she doing there...

and why does she leave me here with this developmentally challenged animal


Cokie: i am not developmentally challenged...i am just plain stupid and fat...

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

18. You named one of your pets cokie? Like cocaine?

[La Lioness Priyanka]

20. like coquettte (flirt)

shes developmentally arrested though

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

21. Oh, she must have secretly done too much cocaine.

[BarenakedLady]

15. Hrmmm

black lab whippet mix female: Where is everyone? Let me just check if everyone is here. Head count!

golden retriever male: I think there is an furry intruder outside. Let me out. Let me out. Let me out. False alarm. Let me in. Let me in. Let me in. I'm hungry. Like yesterday!

cats: are the kids asleep yet? Is it safe?

[flvegan]

16. Most of mine...absolutely nothing.

They'd not want to incriminate me, I don't think.

I guess it might depend who was asking.

[LeftyMom]

25. You know they love you a lot, right?

It's really obvious dear.

[Divameow77]

17. Diva the cat

"Why do you ignore me?"

At least that's what you would think by the way she hovers

[zonkers]

19. I vehemently object to you sticking an olive oil soaked Q-tip up my 14 yr

old ass when my shit is compacted.

[LynneSin]

23. Oh we so didn't need to hear those details

:spray:

[Wcross]

22. "The dumbass doesn't know how to sleep on a bed"........

....he keeps trying to sleep down the length of the bed instead of across it!
"He thinks he should eat first, why is he so special?"
"The reason I step on your nuts when I jump in your lap is because you had mine cut off!"
"He doesn't open the door quick enough, when I want out I want to go NOW! It doesn't matter how many times I want to repeat the in/out cycle- you are too damn slow!"

[ceile]

24. "Bitch! Quit poking me!"

That's Ambrose when he's getting his insulin.
Ambrose "Mom, when are the others going to die...I mean leave"
Cuerva "Whine whine whine where have you been?"
Booty "Bitch, don't touch me unless you're going to get in this bed and cuddle me. Otherwise-back off!"
Ouzo "Move over. It's my couch."
Ceile "C'mon let's play and play and play and play....."

I love my babies. They all have such distinct personalities.

[sweetheart]

26. probably.... "BARK bark bark BBAARK .. Gaak grrrr"

Or "Ooouuuuuuuuuwwwww rrrrrrrrrrrrr"

With english like that, i don't need gaellic. ;-)

[AutumnMist]

27. Scoot Over! You Are On My Couch!

:)

[lildreamer316]

28. They'd be irrittated, but

loving..I think.
The newest one is too busy being a kitten to bother with me.

[zanne]

29. They'd have English accents.

I don't know what they'd say, but it'd be snotty.

[sakabatou]

30. "Let me sleep, goddammit."