Well, when I screw up I do it up right.

[Dave Reynolds]

A few months ago, my ex-wife looked me up and e-mailed me after 17 years. I began corresponding with her and learned she was diagnosed with a high-grade melanoma. Being in the line of work that I am, I knew her chances were probably not good for long-term survival.

My current wife does not like my ex. Therefore, I decided not to inform her of the correspondence. (Screwup #1.)

My ex was flying into the area for her mother's birthday party and asked if I would like to pick her up at the airport. I agreed, as I had some things from the past that I wanted to apologize for, and doing it face-to-face seemed the way to go. (Screwup #2.)

I told my wife that I was going to be at the archery range that day. (Very large screwup #3.) She called the archery range because of losing her car keys. Guess who was not there.

I again affirmed that I was indeed there, and she seemed to believe it. (Screwup #4.)

A few days later while in my car, she found my ex's flight information above my visor. I had forgotten to throw it out. (Very very large screwup #5.) Needless to say, at that point I spilled my guts, which was the way it should have been in the first place.

Moral to the story: Don't be a lying sack of shit.

[reformedrepub]

1. Well

if you are gonna F*** up, then do it in a big way......seriously though, I hope it all works out...

[Dave Reynolds]

3. Thanks,

things are looking up, but a conscience can be a real pain in the ass sometimes...

And luckily, no police intervention was required. And I'm not married to Lorena Bobbit. :D

[amitten]

2. So...

are your balls still intact? :shrug:

[Dave Reynolds]

4. No cutlery has been produced,

and I avoided the kick.

[qnr]

5. Hmm. Hope things are better. While you did lie, it doesn't sound to me

like you were being a 'sack of shit.' You had your reasons, and while telling the truth would certainly have been the choice that should have been made, you weren't trying to hurt your wife.

[Dave Reynolds]

12. Sadly enough,

I was trying to keep her from an attack of insecurity. I failed miserably in that regard.

[qnr]

15. Yeah, I could see what you were doing. :/ n/t

[REP]

6. Ouch. I Feel For Both of Youse

I understand that your intentions were pure, but as I guess you probably have figured out by now, as much as your wife doesn't like your ex, she doesn't like this a lot more. I feel for your wife, too - even though she knows she has no reason to wonder, it probably still makes her wonder.

[ghostsofgiants]

7. Seems vaguely fitting...

[Dave Reynolds]

13. :-)

You suck.

:P

[ghostsofgiants]

16. Haha, yeah, what can ya do?

[TheFriendlyAnarchist]

19. .

http://primate.one.justgotowned.com

[RedCloud]

8. I understand all three of you!

I hope your wife does not take comfort in the plight of the ex. The ex is probably saying her last goodbyes. And you are stuck trying to be the good guy when it is impossible to be one.

But please never lie again, unless it is to save lives.

[Dave Reynolds]

14. Agreed.

Lying made my guts hurt.

[radwriter0555]

9. I think some flowers, a ridiculously grand display, and a nice letter

apologizing would be a wonderful gesture.

And let her know you feel horrible about not telling her the truth.

Because clearly, the lies are weighing on your mind. It will be okay, just don't do it again.

[Dave Reynolds]

21. I try

to never repeat the really big stoopid mistakes.

Plus, next time she really MIGHT bring out the big scissors...

[Hosnon]

10. Damn dude...that's rough. Thanks for sharing though...maybe it'll

help someone else.

[zanne]

11. Being on good terms with your ex can be a problem...

Especially when you have a good, new (or not so new) relationship. I have an ex who calls me every year on the anniversary of our marriage (he's been doing it for 30 years) and my husband (of 27 years) gets upset every time. I do try to answer the phone myself on that day. I guess that's lying, too.

[Dave Reynolds]

22. My current wife and I

have been married 15 years now.

I still would like to give some moral support to the ex, but my wife really does not want me to.

Kind of a quandry.

[sarge43]

17. Well, you're still alive; that's a start n/t

[skygazer]

18. Oh, the tangled webs we weave

Etc. I think maybe most of our screwups occur when we're honestly trying to save someone's feelings. The thing is, secrets have a way of being found out and those feelings we were trying to save get hurt twice as badly when they discover we've done something behind their back.

But you know all that.

Yeah, honesty really is the best policy.

[Dave Reynolds]

20. Yep,

I found out the hard way about the doubly-damaged feelings.

[bigwillq]

23. Yeah, you did screwup.

I don't really see what you were trying to hide so you should've just been honest in the first place.

Your wife probably would'nt have minded since the ex- is sick.

How is your current wife taking it?

[Dave Reynolds]

25. Thing is, she would have minded.

My current wife is very very insecure when it comes to my ex. They worked together for a while, and did not get along well at all.

She recently admitted that while she understands why I may have felt some concern, she would have discouraged any contact.

Now, she seems to be settling down a little.

[bigwillq]

27. She's wrong.

And she should get help to deal with her insecurity.

I don't know your wife but your (ex) is someone that you had a close and personal relationship with.
It doesn't matter why you two divorced. The fact is that your ex- in her time of leave should be able to contact you and it shouldn't be a problem with your current wife.

I only say this because the ex- is sick. In other situations, depending on the situation, it may be best not to have any contact with her.

[cobalt1999]

24. advice my dad gave...

It's easier to tell the truth right away once (no matter how uncomfortable), than to have to tell a thousand lies later.

[Dave Reynolds]

26. Smart fella, your dad.

There was a lot of things I should have been up front about instead of just trying to avoid conflict.

Learning still in my 40's...sigh...

[Lautremont]

28. In form, intent and consequence, your screw-ups sound a lot like mine.

I can sort of imagine what you were thinking every step of the way, right down to the jumping-off-a-cliff feeling of finally launching into the truth.

[Dave Reynolds]

30. It required a very deep breath, too.

The "no turning back" thingy...

[YellowRubberDuckie]

29. The truth is always a good option.

And especially when it involves terminal disease. If your wife is a good person, which I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt that she is because I don't know her, then she would understand and let you fix things before your ex dies. Truth is always the best answer.
Duckie

[Dave Reynolds]

31. Luckily,

my ex and I were able to make amends with all the past BS. We spent a few hours in a car on the way from the airport and it was very pleasant, and we said good-bye as friends. I imagine it is the last time I will see her, and at least we will both have good feelings about it.

Even though I screwed up regarding the truth, I have a hard time convincing myself that I would not do the same thing again under the same circumstances.