Help me out here..

[SoCalDem]

We just got back from dinner with our youngest son, and found out that he "does not get along with" our oldest's new wife..Apparently she(the wife) has said some kind of nasty things about his fiancee and he found out.. He loves his big brother and wants to be able to hang out with him occasionally, but now has no desire to see his wife..

We suggested some "guys only" things they could do and maybe have one weekend a year where they and their other brother might get together .. One is in Seattle, one in Concord and the youngest in Riverside, so there will be traveling involved..

I suggested a weekend a year .. Got any ideas??

They are not "hell raisers" and they do not fish or hunt.. In fact the three of them do not enjoy doing the same things.. One (youngest is a sports nut)..middle is a snowboarder/surfer/skateboarder, and oldest is the preppie rich guy..

[Hillsey]

1. Is just a meet at the neutral brother's home for shits and grins enough?

That's too bad.

I wonder if older brother knew how younger brother felt about these nasty comments it might open the door to some communication that might smooth out some ruffled feathers too.

[SoCalDem]

3. I doubt it..

From what I gather, she made a reference to the $4,000.00 diamond ring he bought her and commented that Maria probably wouldn't have known the difference if he had bought her a CZ, since "Mexicans buy cheap stuff all the time".. It was a cruel thing to say, and I wish the other person had kept it to themselves, but it's the kind of thing you cannot take back..

[liberalnurse]

7. Ah, thats not too bad.....

I'd still get it out on the table and get the gals to make a peace agreement. A family "united front" will easily stop the trash talk. They will continue the behavior unless you set boundaries. They joined the family ...remember.

[dmr]

9. Yes it was.

If she really said this, they were truly bigoted, hateful and hurtful words. Whether boundaries are set by SoCalDem or not, there will always be the mistrust of concealed and unspoken prejudices. Maybe the sister-in-law who said them will learn a lesson from this. I sure hope so, and I hope she offers a heartfelt apology.

[SoCalDem]

10. I really can't get in the middle of this one..

We just told him that he does not have to like his brother's wife, and that since they are unlikely to live geographically near each other, that he should just remain connected to his brother, and leave his sister-in -law out of it.. He swears that he will not stay at their house, and we reminded him that he did not have to..

He did not tell his fiancee what was said because it would hurt her, but it bugs him that she said it at all.. I am sure she said it without thinking that it would ever get back to him, but it was a terrible thing to say..

[dmr]

11. You gave him the best advice

because their relationship with one another is far more important than her illiberal words.

It sounds like you have wonderful boys, but that doesn't suprise me because you are such a loving and caring person.

Merry Christmas to you and your family - including your kitty babies.

BTW, I have 2 more adopted kitties (we now have 5) that we found outside last month, they're about 10 weeks old now and sweet as all get out! Here's a pic of them the day we found them - we found the mom, got her fixed, adopted her and the middle baby out to a family in Jersey. The one on the left is Elsie and Eddie is on the right.

[SoCalDem]

12. Ooooh. I want to smooch them all.. They are precious..

Blue eyed kittens are just too cute for words.. Such sweeties :)

[rasputin1952]

2. Tough nut to crack here...

once these types of things start, they are darn near impossible to stop; unless nipped in the bud.

What one person thinks of another is their business, and they should keep their business to themselves. But it would be a good idea to make sure that the brothers got together and knew of this situation. At the least, there could be a 'truce' of sorts. In any case, one thing is for sure, you should remind your offended son, that the other woman's thoughts mean nothing to what he feels for his fiance. It is their love that counts.

A caveat here: I got stuck in a similar situation a while back, and a direct controlled confrontation ended the problem. But that was me, and I knew all of the particulars. Without specific knowledge, the case could get a LOT worse.

O8)

[liberalnurse]

4. I'd get to the bottom of the hear-say gossip.

Its could be that the two gals need to process an issue or two as it apparently is affecting the entire family. Its not the brothers issue.

You could try and have a family meeting; set goals, the terms and lenght of discussion with a post family meal afterwards to heal.

Essentially, keep the family tight, put a little pressure on the gals to not divide the mainstream. Don't give them so much power.

[Rhiannon12866]

5. Maybe they could rent a condo once a year, like a time-share

and hang out together, in someplace near San Diego. I know you are in California and I just LOVED San Diego for the climate, the beauty and the proximity to the ocean. These things are not inexpensive, but you said that one son had money. You could also organize a family reunion, near or at your home, where all your children gathered for a weekend, or a few days, to celebrate a special occasion, like your birthday or anniversary. If spouses have to come, there would be enough others present to eliminate specific confrontations. I feel for you. My family has suffered similar controversies and it is never easy. I would certainly talk to both sons about it, probably individually, and see if they have any ideas. Good luck with this and Merry Christmas!!!:-)

[SoCalDem]

6. That's a good idea.. We used to take them to Baja when they were little

and they loved it there.. Maybe a baja weekend to San Felipe every year..

They still talk about our vacations there.. We used to go and spend a couple of weeks on the beach every year..

[Rhiannon12866]

13. If they had a good time there when they were little,

chances are that you would be recreating the same positive vibe. I grew up attending summer camp. I smoke, but revisiting the place I loved as a kid, I hadn't the desire to smoke, since I didn't back then. I wish you the best of luck. Family disagreements are the worst. You need to clear the air or it could fester and make gatherings unpleasant. You really don't need that. I hope that you had a joyous and uneventful Christmas.:-)

[Booberdawg]

8. That was a really nasty thing to say?!?!?!

Since it's family I'm almost tempted to suggest they confront the wife who said this head on and I suspect she'd back down because that was really, really bigoted and disrespectful as hell. Signs of problems to come if that is not nipped in the bud anyway.