How many people have the 'Mom' complex?

[WillParkinson]

You know...where you love to do things for other people but as soon as someone does something for you then you feel uncomfortable?

A friend at work, whom everyone refers to as 'mom', received (from me) a Solstice gift which she liked but then chided me (several times) with 'why did you do that? You shouldn't have done that.'

When I leave work though, what do I find on my car mirror? A DVD wrapped up with my name on it from 'Santa'. I went to work the next night and said, "Thanks Santa"...and she got all flustered like I should not have known who gave it to me.

Typical Mom Complex.

[Raven]

1. You're not being fair to Moms!

You are describing the "one up" complex. The person who so insecure that they always have to have other people beholden to them. Moms do alot for their families but most do it out of love, not to "one up" other people. Just one Mom's opinion. (Where do I send the cookies I baked for you...slaved over the hot stove...) :-)

[WillParkinson]

2. Oh, not at all!

I don't think it's a one-up thing at all.

I realize that Mom does it out of love. I'm saying that while she's doing it for you it's an unwritten rule that you shouldn't do things for mom. "It costs too much." "You shouldn't spend money on me. Save it for something else."

My mom is a perfect example. She'll do anything for me. She gives me things all the time. When I went on vacation I saw some things that I just knew she'd like. I bought them and had to listen to the 'shouldn't spend your money' lecture several times.

THAT is a typical mom (to me). Someone who will do ANYTHING for their family but doesn't ask for (nor want) anything in return.

[JitterbugPerfume]

3. ha ha <ouch>

I always tell my kids "spend money on the grandchildren , I do not need anything" (true) Oh boy!!! I am such a MOM

[SheilaT]

4. Hmmm, I'm a little like that.

I do love getting things, but I can get flustered over receiving. I think it's because for a period of time, any mom is giving a whole lot more than receiving, is doing for others much more than others are doing for her. We get used to it, and with any luck at all honestly don't mind.

I did actually learn many years ago when I was about 16, the value of accepting gifts and compliments graciously. Which I try to do even now.

[put out]

5. The guilt that keeps on giving!

Wowee, I recognize people very very close to me. However, some people gain great pleasure in taking care of another person's needs, or wants. To be in a time and place where one can do that is a really good thing, so try to enjoy when those good things fall your way. I am not trying to condescend at all, or tell you stuff you already know.

The martyr jazz, though, I can do without. Spoken as a care-taker, and child of four, count 'em, four mothers, and three grandmothers.

[Karenina]

6. From the late, great, Lotus Weinstock

"Show me a woman who has no expectations
and I'll show you a woman in a COMA."

[patdem]

7. Some people have wants and others have needs

I think not MOMS necessarily, but over all some people think of what they NEED and say I don't want anything for Christmas (because they have fulfilled their own needs all year) and others think of what they WANT and have a long list. (young people are famous..as I was as a kid)

What you did was great because you ignored the needs and went to what you thought she would WANT. I am like that...anything beyond what I NEED is superfluous. Yet I LOVE whatever I get just the same as if I had asked for it, but when asked, I only think of what I NEED and not what I WANT!

This Christmas my mother gave me $500.00 and I NEEDED glasses...and I bought two pair...one prescription sunglasses....I WANTED...it all cost about $480.00...and I am so happy....my other glasses had broken...so a WANT for new stylish glasses had turned into a NEED for new glasses, and I did not have the extra money to buy them....So this Christmas was REALLY WONDERFUL for someone who always answers the question...'What do you want for Christmas?' with 'Nothing' I Was gifted like the story "The Gift of the Magi"...my TRULY favorite Christmas story!

[Crowdance]

8. I used to have the complex.

But life-changing experiences brought me to realize that I needed to serve in order to feel worthwhile. I felt unworthy to receive either gifts or service.

But all that's changed. I am now an enthusiastic receiver of gifts, and love to accept favors. (I discovered that I am innately worthy of such--without having to DO A THING!) So I say, famously, "Bring 'em on!" Oh, wait, that wasn't me....

[woofless]

9. I have a MUTHUH complex.

Is that the same?