What would you do if you were me?

[Brian_Expat]

I am a gay American guy (new to DU!) who lives in England and I think I am falling quickly for the English guy I've been dating for a while now. He and I just click on a "deep" level (I know, cheesy, but it's the only way I can describe it). When I think into the future, I can definitely see myself spending the rest of my life with this person -- and he can see this too. (Awwww, isn't that romaaaaantic? Hey, stop vomiting, these are new shoes!) ;)

Well, here's the dilemma. Shortly, the UK government will complete partnership registration laws that will allow us to have all the legal benefits of marriage. Should we decide in the future to "partner up," I get a host of rights and responsibilities, including the ability to legally remain in the UK and eventually gain citizenship (after three years or so).

I love America dearly (well, big parts of America anyway!), but I'm in a dilemma. Since the USA is so backwards compared to the rest of the western world, I cannot sponsor him for immigration, get him a visa, or have our family recognized in any way by the federal government. For him to move to the US with me, he'd have to find an employer willing to sponsor him for a temp visa, and there's no guarantee he could get a green card. The INS doesn't recognize us as family and if the Republicans get their way with their anti-gay marriage amendment, they never will. :(

Further, we've talked about our future, and we see a family -- a child included -- and I just cannot fathom raising a child when our family's legal status is uncertain.

So it looks like the UK is my primary option for everything I want in a family, and from a lifestyle perspective, I can live with that. But I was just wondering if any of you had any thoughts, ideas, condemnations, etc. I find it so unfair that I might have to choose between my country and my family just so that some insecure Freeper bigots somewhere can feel superior. :cry:

[proud patriot]

1. Follow your heart

and welcome underground .

Love is really all that matters in the long run

[HamstersFromHell]

8. I agree 100%

It's a shame you have to make such a choice, but you have to go for what makes *you* happy. It may not happen again.

[Pithlet]

2. It's a shame

that you have to make such a choice. It sounds to me like you've already made it. Until America catches up with everyone else, you may have to stay in the UK so your family will be legally recognized. I hope the laws change, and soon, so that no one has to ever face such a dilemma. I'm sorry you have to go through this. :(

Oh, and welcome to DU! :hi:

[Brian_Expat]

7. Thank you

Happy to be here. :)

[ornotna]

3. I envy you that you have this opportunity

I would jump at it. Good luck, what ever your choice is.

[Brian_Expat]

6. Opportunities at lifelong love only come once in a great while

And I feel so lucky to have found that opportunity, especially since the odds are often stacked against people like us in so many ways.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

4. That's why I think we should all continue to gain the support of the

general public in allowing us the same rights as them. If I were in your shoes, I suppose the UK would be the easier route if you really want to live there.

It doesn't change the fact that you can't have it in the country you call home and what is worse is that some feel we should "give up the fight" in the name of the team due to the current political climate.

While I understand their fear, I also understand giving in and giving up any progress to the vacuum that a regressive society is.

[Brian_Expat]

5. Yes, I agree

I like to think I'd come back someday, but my heart tells me that if I make this choice for the long haul, it would be unlikely I'd do much more than visit. I feel guilty to an extent, but I've been Mr. Activist for years and now in my late 20s I just want to settle down and live like anyone else. This is truly my chance -- I can feel it. Fighting for equality for others is important to me. . . but not so overwhelming that I'd sacrifice my family's well-being for it.

I also like to think (or imagine!) ;) that the USA is losing out too. I am fairly good at what I do, pay my taxes, don't consume lots of services, create opportunities for people of all sorts, etc. The USA loses all that I deliver -- economically and otherwise -- when I live elsewhere.

I can think of other people I know who have gone to Canada or Australia under similar circumstances, and if lots of people pursue this route, it's a big drain of talent and people from America. That doesn't help America in the long run.

[corporatewhore]

9. you could work towards moving to canada

for the near future and that way be closer to the us

[LastKnight]

10. nationality is an accident of birth.

to give up the one thing that everyone seeks (love and being loved ect ect.) for nationalism? to me it doesnt add up. all of us here have strong feelings about the country, but still, if i met a girl overseas and somehow it was impossible for her to immigrate it wouldnt be a huge issue to me as long as i could function in that country. do what you will, just make sure you can look yourself in the mirror every morning.

welcome to DU

-LK

[Mr. McD]

11. I agree, Follow your heart

"Falling in love is the beginning of all wisdom, all sympathy, all compassion, all art, all religion; and in its larger sense is the one thing in life worth doing." (Elbert Hubbard)

[DemExpat]

12. Take this chance! And there are plenty ways to remain activist

either in Great Britain, Europe, or Internationally, or via Internet for the U.S.......

All the best to you with this (tough in some ways) decision!

DemEx

[emanymton]

13. Why Ask Strangers?

Make your decision. And make your decision work.

Get your personal life straightened out however _you_ see it. Once you control your life, use the British legal system to protect your position.

The U.S. government will change. When this happens you will be in position to make your move as _you_ want it.

[gator_in_Ontario]

14. I am you...

sort of. I am married to a Canadian citizen (yes legally...so far anyway), and for similar reasons we find ourselves settling in Canada rather than Florida, where I am from. She would rather be in Florida, but for political and cultural reasons I am happier here. I am not nationalistic, so leaving the US doesn't bother me as much as maybe it should. I will miss the land and the people I know. Follow your heart cause life is to short to miss true love if it comes your way. Good luck to you!