Breaking: Navy Names Ship for Bush

[jmowreader]

PENSACOLA, FLA (Spurious News Network) -- In the wake of the Democratic takeover of Congress, the Navy has announced that it has named a ship for pResident George W. Bush.

"We in the Navy believe that all presidents should be honored by having a ship named after them," said Admiral Michael G. Mullin, Chief of Naval Operations. "Normally, the Navy lays down a new ship in a president's honor. We can't do that in this case because pResident Bush spent so much of the federal budget torturing Iraqi civilians we can't afford to run the ships we have. However, he is the commander in chief and should be suitably honored, so we chose a ship that already exists to reflag."

A contest was opened to the fleet as soon as the Democrats won control of the House of Representatives to choose the ship to reflag. It was closed two hours later. Seaman Basic Mark Jones, a machinist's mate in his third year of service who is aboard Norfolk Naval Base, Va., submitted the winning entry. "It just came to me in a flash that we should reflag the aircraft carrier USS Oriskany to honor Dear Leader. Her current posting epitomizes everything Mr. Bush has done to the Navy since he was installed in 2001."

To congratulate Seaman Jones for his brave insight, he was awarded a prize package that consists of a week of unchargeable leave, dinner for two at the CPO Open Mess on Norfolk Naval Air Station, a six-pack of Budweiser, a package of clean socks, and the removal from his military record of the Captain's Mast for calling pResident Bush a "worthless cocksucker" that got him busted back down to Seaman Basic and thrown in the brig. Said his commanding officer, Commander John Martin, "we had to do something to correct Seaman Jones' diction. If he would have called Dear Leader a 'useless piece of shit' like they do in the (chief petty officers' mess), or a 'dangerous fuckwit,' which is what we in the Officers' Mess like to think of him as, that would have been okay. But worthless? That's kinda harsh."

Admiral Mullin reports that he and Seaman Jones visited the White House this morning to inform pResident Bush as to his honor. "At first he was really pleased that we would do something like this for him, and so quickly too. Then Seaman Jones told Dear Leader exactly why he chose the ship that we reflagged...oh, he was pissed."

The Navy sank the USS George W. Bush, which was laid down in the 1940s as the Oriskany, in about 200 feet of water off Pensacola on May 17, 2006. It is currently the world's largest artificial reef.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

1. Does Clinton have one named after him?

Because if not, shouldn't it be HIS turn?
Duckie

[Whoa_Nelly]

2. There is no USS Clinton

So, yes, there should be!

[jmowreader]

4. The USS Mount Whitney would be PERFECT to reflag The Clintons

You know how the freeps always claim that Hillary was the co-president when Big Dog was in office, right?

Now check this out: Say Hillary gets elected in 2008. Her very best first move would be to appoint her husband as a diplomatic troubleshooter, to attempt to repair our standing in the world. Bill Clinton is a well-loved man outside the US, and he's sharp as a tack, so he'd do well.

In 2017 or 2018, when Hillary's second term ends, naming either the Mount Whitney (an "amphibious command post" ship) or a new ship with the same mission for the Clintons would be highly appropriate.

It's better than the kind of ship they really need to name for Dipshit: the George W. Bush-class Floating Brig. This class will contain three ships: the USS George W. Bush, the USS Richard M. Nixon and the USS Warren G. Harding--named for the three biggest crooks we've ever put in the White House but never bothered to name ships for. And with all the war criminals we're generating from Operation Iraqi Liberation, we'll need at least three ships. (Any follow-on ships in the class will be named after professional mobsters.)

[Guava Jelly]

3. so if there is a battle will the ship show up for duty??

I'm just sayen

[jmowreader]

7. Uhh...the last paragraph isn't satire

The Navy really did scuttle the Oriskany off Pensacola. It's becoming a very popular destination for divers.

[Blue-Jay]

5. You know what I love about satire?

Laughing at people who don't know that its satire!

:rofl:

[tjwmason]

6. Satire?

From a source like "The Spurious Newsnetwork"? Surely not.

:rofl:

[Dukkha]

8. I though there already was a ship commissioned in his honor

The Titanic