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Look, if anyone is going to be offended by my talking about this, I apologize in advance. I don't want to get bombarded by a thousand "at least you have a job" replies.
I'm working in a field 180 degrees opposite of where I want to be. The problem is, I don't know exactly "where I want to be" actually is, and I don't know exactly how to get there.
I know that there are three sides of me that I believe have to have some kind of voice in my life in order for me to really be happy: There is Selwynn the activist - concerned about human rights, civil liberties, social justice, liberal politics and helping us all achieve a decent life. There is Selwynn the philosopher/theologian, passionate about the place of religion/spirituality in life, the radical Christian theologian with active interest in countering the lies of fundamentalism, the person who really can't help but think, speak and feel religiously, for it is who I am. And there's Selwynn the writer - perhaps not very well reflected in this particular late night ramble, but it is true just the same.
But here in lies my first problem - I don't know how to move from abstracts to particulars. If someone were to ask me where I wanted to work I would respond that I want to work for an organization that has as its mission, the betterment of the human condition. That's a little too broad to do much with. Things that get me excited are things like the idea of being involved in communications for an organization like the ACLU or another organization actively involved in social issues. Sometimes I go the other route and think about going back to school to do graduate work (I have BA in philosophy) and perhaps becoming a professor of religion and philosophy by day, writing by night and being involved in my community.
That all sounds great, but I don't really know what I want to do. But more importantly, I can't afford to do any of it. I'm so strung up by stupid debt that I'm madly trying to get out of that right now I couldn't afford to make less money than I currently make (I world in the tech world as a manager of an engineering team - yeah.. I know... way out of left field, but I'm a pretty smart guy so I can do that stuff too, I just hate it.)
Anyway, this post has no point. Sorry. I just wish I worked at a job I felt passionate about, where I could come home from work and feel proud of myself. :(
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