What should I do (warning, I'm probably warped)

[thermodynamic]

I'm in debt. I suppose it doesn't matter why I am, I just am. Accept that.

Should I get bankruptcy now, have them take everything away and knock my credit rating, and start my life anew and go back to school? (keep in mind I have ADD and learning disorders, it's a miracle I can think as coherently as I do when I do. Knowing that is important.)

Or

Keep my debts, and when I lose my job (because they're starting to introduce plans to eliminate PCs and replace them with dumb tubes) I kill myself and leave the creditors out that much money?

Right now, I don't care what happens either way. I am currently getting kudos from my supervisor and department head; neither of which I trust. The former wants me to keep customized work to a minimum and stick to the generic standards the IS department has imposed and I know the latter has already tried to buck the union and outsource us all.

Personally, I do prefer the latter. I don't mind dying if it means my creditors are out that much money. Our system is grossly wrong anyway and I'd rather die making a loud statement in the process in a hope that the system gets changed with it realizes people will die for the cause. Keep in mind I don't want to die old or feeble. I have no family and most gay men don't want families, just fun. Add to that the fact that I do have problems with thought and logic processes at times. I envy other people for their abilities. I'm great at memorizing information, but for actual thinking jobs I'm pretty much worthless. Worthless sums me up.

I also know that one's credit report is also the basis for getting an apartment or even a job these days. Corporate america has taken things to extremes and I would love to die doing anything that slaps them harshly in the face.

[Abe Linkman]

1. Well, it just might be the honorable thing to do. After all,

They say going out thattaway is the most sincere form of self-criticism there is.

[XanaDUer]

2. Thermo

please-chill. Don't fucking kill yourself over money.

What purpose does that serve?

Okay. I don't know how much debt you're in. Call a non-profit credit place and see if they can negotiate with your creditors.

Don't screw your credit rating. It will follow you, in our lovely country, for years, if the bankruptcy is renewed.
Bankruptcy should be a last-ditch solution. Maybe going over it with a credit agencies will help you decide.
Then, if it is credit card problems causing the problems-dump them. Cut them up.Keep one and keep paying on it so your credit rating stays okay.

And, seek counseling. Money is not worth dying over. I don't care if you are in 10 trillion dollars' worth of debt.

AGAIN-DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT KILLING YOURSELF, CAPICE! OR I'LL KICK YOUR BUTT.

Money is money. It's just a tool.

[MuseRider]

5. What she said!

She beat me to it. Find help for your debt and yourself. We need you here and you need to get a grip as hard as it may be at the moment. Please do not even consider offing yourself. Write to us often for help and support, OK?

[oneighty]

3. Jeez Thermo

None of the above! Put your head down, butt up and CHARGE! Nothing is ever that bad. Pay that which you can, when you can, pay some here some there.

Do not ever give up, never give up. You will win.

180

[Stephanie]

4. There will be very little satisfaction

in screwing your creditors after you are dead. I rule that one out.

Bankruptcy could be a drag, but my two friends who did it highly recommend it. It wasn't for me. I went to one of those non-profit debt consolidation companies for a debt-counseling session, and once I understood the concept I just did it myself. Worked my ass off, paid everything. Which might be difficult to do if you are out of a job.

[XanaDUer]

6. Right.

I say, anything is a better solution than killing yourself over money.

[Pert_UK]

7. Hang in there, Thermo!

You keep me entertained on here and I'm not sure what I'd do if you stopped posting! (I could handle a short break while you sort out your funds, but not a more permanent one...).

Seriously, you're funny, entertaining, intelligent and you write very well - certainly not "worthless". It would be a shocking waste if you were to kill yourself over money - there are always ways around things. If you have the possibility of going back to school then you should take the chance, because who knows what opportunities await you there? On the other hand, there is no guarantee that you will lose your job, so you still have the chance to work, earn and start sorting out some of your problems.

Come on - killing yourself to get back at your creditors is like cutting off your cock to spite your balls...

Nobody is saying it will be easy, but THINGS WILL WORK OUT IN THE END!

Chris.

[XanaDUer]

10. Thermo, let's say you lose your job.

It happens. It will happen to you sometime in your life.

It happens to everyone.

Tell yourself, if it happens, then you'll deal with it.

There is an excellent book by a doctor named Burns called the " Feeling Good:New Mood Therapy" and it specifically goes into negative thoughts and anxiety caused by "what might happen".

Cannot live life in that state. It gives easy-to-follow ways to break the habit of the "what ifs"?

[Prisoner_Number_Six]

8. If you EVER write that you are thinking of suicide as a way out

I will personally hunt you down and bitch slap you back to your mommy's womb!

Life is too precious to even half-seriously contemplate ending it prematurely! I don't give a fuck HOW crippled you think you are. There are 6.5 BILLION people on the planet, and 99% of them are worse off than you. So get over yourself, pick yourself up, and get back into the fight!

I'm broke on my ass, but that isn't stopping me from taking the few bucks I DO have and trying to start a home business. And trust me, I have ZERO experience at this shit. So if I can start over on a wish and a prayer, then by God YOU can conquer the world!

(If you wanna compare "cripple", I have degenerative arthritis throughout my body, have had 2 knee replacements, one toe amputation, and I have 2 degenerative discs in my neck that at this moment are giving me a migraine of epic proportions. So I know of whence I speak.)

[XanaDUer]

12. You too?!

My boyfriend and I are wrecks, and we're doing the microbusiness thing too.

We too don't know shit about it.

We're doing it anyway.

Thermo-you CAN get past this.

Life can suck-you just gotta grit your teeth and say this too will pass.

It always does.

[Benevolent_Rabbit]

9. You can't quit without knowing you have the satisfaction of knowing

that you beat them in the long run.

You can't stop trying. ever. It's in the contract you signed when you were born - look it up.

[HEyHEY]

11. school is good

"keep in mind I have ADD and learning disorders, it's a miracle I can think as coherently as I do when I do. Knowing that is important"

I just finished school with similar problems. It isn't hard at all when you're working for yourself, I found.

[XanaDUer]

13. I honestly think

that for some people (me included), working for yourself is the way to go.

Not everyone has the temperment to be a "team player".

Thermo-I know you have computer skills. Start looking around and see if you can do work on the side.

[thermodynamic]

15. That's another thing

My employer's HR wants to be notified of every money-making activity an employee does on the side. It's none of their damn business.

That aside, I tried consulting and problem repairing. My habit of forgetting minor details has done me more harm than good even though for trickier issues I usually get the job done, even if I forget basic logic at times - and I do, which is embarrassing. It's not like I want to forget the details or make my customers' lives miserable, on the contrary I strive for the best service when possible. But I am a failure in the real world and that's the world I can't survive in. I don't want my job to go away because I know I won't make it elsewhere. You folks are nice and everything, but you really don't understand me or my situation.

Please don't think I'm going to try to kill myself now. I'm waiting until there is no other solution. I know this is the only life I have. If there is a next one, I won't know anything about the previous one.

[Benevolent_Rabbit]

16. This might be a dumb reply, but

what about applying for disability? If approved, you could then survive and pursue your passions.

only a thought.

[ForrestGump]

18. My financial situation is bottomed-out. No, it's worse than that.

So I have an idea of how you feel. Bankruptcy, dude - think about it, anyway, if the seven-year hit on your credit doesn't worry you. There are other options, as has already been said. But if it's that bad, and it's affecting your mind this badly, then stick the credit-card companies and walk on the whole program.

But if you kill yourself, I'm going to hunt you down and....well, that's not going to work....

.....okay, then, I'll hunt you down and get one of those televangelists to resurrect you so I can kick your bootie good and hard. All right?

[Prisoner_Number_Six]

20. There are ways around that little memory thing

--it's called a Checklist. You obviously know a lot about what you want to do, so instead of trying to rely on a faulty memory, simply create a written checklist for each and every problem and situation. So it will end up big as a book-- when it gets that big, simply have it published, and cash in on your experience that way! Turn your lemons into lemonade, so to speak.

If you ask in advance what the problem is, and you have a sense of what it probably is, then review your checklists before you start the job, and again when you think the job is done. It's going to be an endless job of refinement, based on your own style, but it IS a viable way to overcome yourself!

And if you have cultivated friends who are in the same business, they are probably more than willing to consult with you if you can't recall something instantly. Network, instead of playing the loner.

What I'm saying is, there is simply no reason to sit there in misery. I've tried it, and I must say I didn't care for it. I will NOT give in to circumstance. EVER.

And that bitch slap session is still in your future if you think you're gonna give in, too!

[XanaDUer]

22. Good!

Also, the checklist thing is also a good idea. I have to keep a list all the time-no shame in that. Maybe I have adult ADD-who knows? I'm not going to worry about it.

Make lists.

As for being a failure in the "real world", wth is the real world?

Do you know how many seemingly happy people out there, looking like successes, picture of happiness, etc., are living lives of quiet desperation? Supposed successes.

I agree no one can understand your situation as subjectively as you, just like no one can understand me or him or her but we ourselves, but still, killing oneself is too extreme. I would say that applies to everyone, in all cases. Not over money, most definately. There is always another solution.

Also-please see a shrink. You may need meds, and there is no stigma in that. As you know, this is not the first time the suicide thing has been brought up here, and your depression may be helped with the right combination of meds.

Also don't make the mistake of getting too emotionally involved with the job. Not good for the mental health. Better to cultivate outside friends who are not affiliated with the job. Americans put way too much into their jobs, seeing it as the end all be all of their lives. It's not. It's just a way to make money until the next, better job comes along.

PM me if you wanna talk about this more.

[leftyandproud]

14. YOUR ASSIGNMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Go to the bookstore immediately and buy a book called "FINANCIAL PEACE" by Dave Ramsey. Lock off 4-5 hours tomorrow and read it cover to cover. It will change your outlook on everything related to money, and you will have your decision.

[Booberdawg]

17. I've filed bankruptcy

Lost my job in January and recently filed Chapter 7 total liquidation. Oh, and I just got the notice about the foreclosure on my house this week. Last week got the letter about the car.

I'll be able to save the car, but everything else is down the shitter. No job in sight yet and my credit is ruined. Worthless. Gotta find someplace else to live, but I'm sitting in this house because it will take several months for the foreclosure and where the hell am I going to go if I can't pay rent?? You know what has been my biggest worry through all of this?

WHAT ABOUT MY PETS!! If I have to shack up with a relative, I'll have to find homes for my pets. That would KILL me! I can't stand the idea of parting with my babies. So, I have to find a job, ANY JOB, because I can't even contemplate the idea.

Bankruptcy is not the end of the world. They don't take everything away. A consult is free - why don't you talk to a lawyer? They will tell you if your situation would be better served with a debt consolidation program.

Keep working till your job is outsourced, then go back to school if that's what you want. In the meantime, see a therapist, because you are obviously depressed.

Linda:-)

[nuxvomica]

19. Go to a health food store and get Aurum metallicum 200C

Because I am not a practitioner, I rarely suggest any remedies to people beyond standard things like arnica montana but this remedy helped me and I'm sure it could help you. PM me if you like.

Regardless, the feelings you have now will pass. You need perspective. You are not worthless. :)

[Tyler Durden]

21. OH, CANADA!

Gee that sounds like a plan!
Come on you blokes.
and be a CAN-A-DIAN!

(sung to the first stanza of "Oh, Canada."

[ScreamingMeemie]

23. You are not worthless. Money does not define the man.

Look at all the corrupt rich people in the world. The worth I see in you is that you seem ( I have to say this as this is the internet) to be a smart, caring, all around nice guy, and to me that's worth more than $50 in your pocket.

Things'll turn around, they have. We're rooting for you here at the Grumpy house.

[Rowdyboy]

24. Chill...Bankruptcy is nothing special...Don't get your knickers..

in a knot. Life is what happens while you're making plans. Bankruptcy set me back exactly ZERO in 1984-deal with it but don't worry about pt. Your life is worth SOOOOO much more than the silly little bit of money you owe. Screw 'em if they can't take a joke.

Meanwhile, enjoy life...

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