If a tree falls in the front yard and it does not make a sound,

[Bossy Monkey]

do I have to go rent a chainsaw and cut it up?

Boy were we surprised! Nobody heard a thing. Stormy weather lately though. Oh well, never played with a chainsaw before. Do I have to rent the Leatherface mask, too, or is that only in Texas?

[trotsky]

1. How big a tree?

I suggest you hire a professional. They will also grind the stump down, most likely.

Kickback on a chainsaw, for the unexperienced operator, could be deadly.

[yella_dawg]

4. I second that motion

The leather mask is to cover the mess that was your face after the saw kicks back. I saw the results once. Just pay the money.

yella

[Benevolent_Rabbit]

2. If it was big enough to fall down and you didn't hear it

you must have been wasted at a neighbors house. Therefore, it is the neighbors responsibility.

[short bus president]

3. what kinda tree?

If pine, yeah, you'll have to cut it up and haul it or burn it. If hardwood, you could probably give it away to someone who sells firewood, and they'd probably come out and cut it up and haul it away for you.

[Bossy Monkey]

5. Hardwood. It's largely on the pyracantha bush

so yeah, probably best to call the tree surgeons. An oak I'm pretty sure, one of three trunks growing from one base. We just need to get a pro in to clear out all these ol' dead trees.

Thanks all for the advice. I wasn't particularly serious; I just liked the subject line/ punchline

[short bus president]

6. so really, the subject line should've been

"if a tree fell on a bush..."

Are you self-censoring with Calico Johnny in mind? ;-)

[Bossy Monkey]

7. Who besides me thinks W wanted to name the twins Rose and Holly?

[short bus president]

8. wasn't he a coke-snorting drunk back then?

I highly doubt he had an opinion on the matter.

[Yo_Mama_Been_Loggin]

9. Had one fall in my front yard last January

It made a hell of a noise. Took out the power lines and my neighbor's fence. I did end up buying a new chainsaw and am happy I did.