O.K. DU ladies, what the hey....

[Robb]

...Had the delicious multi-course asian meal cooked,
...Had the living room furniture moved around, cushions arranged on the floor, coffee table set with the goldware and cool crystal glasses,
...Had the music low, lights down, candles lit,
...Had the wine chilling in the ice bucket,
...Had the cloth napkins folded into birds of paradise,
...Had me, my usual charming self.

...And Mrs. Robb wanted to talk all evening about how she's not feeling any romance in her life?

So what the hey? :shrug:

[WillParkinson]

1. The answer is obvious....

...Had me, my usual charming self

Other than that the evening was perfect, no doubt.

No, seriously, one night a year isn't enough for some people. I know it wouldn't be for me. (Yes, I know I'm not a lady but I hope this helps...)

If you do something more than once a year I don't know what she expects and you probably won't, either, unless she tells you.

[Robb]

3. Amazingly

I do this kind of thing pretty often. The "greatest hit" from last night was "This is just great, it's like I'm having this really fun meal with a really good friend... (but) there's no spark."

I'm sparky...

[WillParkinson]

5. OK, now THAT is just weird...

There's no spark? Then why did she marry you? Does she want a friend or a lover/husband?

I'm confused.

Women. Can't live with them, can't sell them for parts.

[Bertha Venation]

34. "Women. Can't live with them, can't sell them for parts."

LOL. My favorite:

Women. I don't know anything about them, but I've got one.

[liberalhistorian]

68. Hey, hey, hey!

Oh, yeah? Well, take this: "Men. You can't live with them and you can't shoot them!"

[amazona]

37. damn that's cold...maybe some ideas ?

It might not be you. It might be her.

I don't know her age, but if I were her, I would be discussing the lack of desire with my ob/gyn. What method of birth control is she using -- some pills and some other methods can cause a lack of desire in some women. She might need to change her method.

Also, perimenopause can cause hormonal disruption. We hear about "dirty thirty" and women who go wild after 40 but we don't hear so much about the women who are affected in the opposite way and who lose desire. She needs to find an ob/gyn who will take this issue seriously. I have heard of it being treated successfully with testosterone for example but the doctor will not want to willynilly hand out testosterone patches to all and sundry...it needs to be carefully monitored.

I hope she will look into it.

[frogfromthenorth2]

45. "I'm having this really fun meal with a really good friend"

Oh.... That's cold man....

[xchrom]

2. i dunno

but you made me
a: glad i like boys
b: glad i am a committed bachelor
might be one of those boy girl things where you are speaking different languages, my str8 friends talk about that alot.

[WillParkinson]

4. Nah, it's not just a boy/girl thing...

I've been with Paul for 16 years and sometimes I wish he were more romantic.

I've surprised him with balloons and desserts and flowers. I remember his birthday and our anniversary.

I'm damn lucky if he remembers my birthday. (Although after what happened the last time he forgot he has been much better about it.)

[prolesunited]

6. That sounds wonderful and romantic

but it sounds like you need a more subtle and sustained effort.

Perhaps over the next month you you could:
Bring her flowers once a week
Leave her little notes
Draw her a bath and tell her to relax while you do the laundry
Tell her she's beautiful and sexy — repeatedly
Take her on a special date
Sneak up on her and kiss her neck or touch her sweetly
Etc., I'm sure you get the idea

Granted, all this would freak the hell out of me and send me running in the opposite direction, but I'm sure it would work on most women. ;-)

I think the fact that you've noticed and want to take action is a BIG step. Good luck! :hi:

[Robb]

9. See, that's the thing...

Aside from the notes, I do that stuff! Maybe I'm just an emotionally retarded, cold-hearted bastard?

[NicoleM]

12. Have you asked her what she wants that she's not getting?

Personally, I'd say you're doing more than enough, but I'm not married to you.

[Karenina]

57. ((((BIG HUG))))

and another ((((BIG HUG)))) to ya, Robb. That shit hurts. It's like, WHADDYA WANT FROM ME??? WHAT IS GOOD ENOUGH??? You're a bright guy and will figure out where you need to go from here. Just for good measure, another ((((BIG HUG)))).

[NicoleM]

7. Does she watch Oprah and read Cosmo?

I'd need more information to give you an opinion on the situation, but I do know that women's magazines exist only to make women feel bad about themselves so they will go buy more stuff to make themselves feel better.

[Robb]

19. How about self-help books....

"Love is letting go of fear" and stuff like that...?

[liberalhistorian]

70. LOL!

That's for sure. And I HATE those damn quizzes they always have, like "does your mate REALLY respect you", and shit like that. I know, I'm a woman and I'm supposed to be into those stupid magazines, but I never will be.

[tjdee]

8. That's not your fault.

How long have you been married??

Maybe she just wasn't feeling it last night and it's a phase?

I'm sure things will be just fine for you and Mrs. R.

[Robb]

10. I'm feeling it's more a "trend" than a "phase" nt

[tjdee]

13. Did you ask her if there was anything you could do?

Though...if you sense it's a trend rather than a phase...it's HER that has to work this out. I mean, you're making birds of paradise and everything!

Hope it is just a phase. :)

[WillParkinson]

14. The problem with asking is...

It becomes one of those, "If you have to ASK then just forget it!" things.

[NicoleM]

15. Then she deserves to not get what she's not getting.

I can't stand people like that--"if you don't KNOW I'm not going to tell you." Unless you're married to Miss Cleo, that's not cool.

[WillParkinson]

17. I agree!

Mrs. Robb needs to figure out what she wants and then tell Mr. Robb. He can't make it happen if he don't know. I think that's called...um....communication or something like that.

[hippiechick]

11. Spark ?

How 'bout this ...

One evening when she gets home from work, you meet her at the door, kiss her passionately before she's even got her coat off or sets her keys down, carry her over to the dining room table and make lusty whoopie right there on the spot.

Spontaneous combustion and reckless abandon sometimes says 'I miss you' or 'I love you' louder than the most romantically pre-planned evening.

Although if I had a New Year's Eve like you described, I'd probably STILL be melted ... :loveya:


Either way, she's a lucky woman to be with you !

:hippie:

[bearfan454]

21. That is my kind of evening !

Unfortunatley Mrs bearfan is very conservative when it comes to romance and sex.

[THUNDER HANDS]

16. sounds like my ex a few months before we broke up

Hope you have a prenup. Sounds like she's itching to leave you.

[WillParkinson]

18. Now THAT'S helpful and encouraging...

:eyes:

:spank:

[THUNDER HANDS]

20. Did he ask for uplifting information?

Women don't just suddenly stop feeling romance. It's a signal that they're tired with the man they're with and want to break it off.

Or, it's a sign that they're tired of trying to love you anymore.

Either way, she is not long for this relationship.

[Robb]

22. I do appreciate the honesty, MR...

...I'm not ready to start packing just yet, tho'. Just gotta figure this out....

[THUNDER HANDS]

23. Shouldn't SHE be figuring this out?

I mean, it sounds like she's the one with the problem, not you.

[Robb]

25. That's what my gut is telling me, yeah...

But intellectually I know it can't just be her, right? Relationship? 2 people? Tango, etc.? :shrug:

[THUNDER HANDS]

27. have you ever sought therapy

At a marriage counselor before?

[Robb]

30. Just individually

We get three freebies a year through our health insurance, and this year I took 'em up on it, too. You know, trying to work whatever garbage I have out. Can't beat the price. She is also, but seems resistant to couples therapy. Very different?

[NicoleM]

31. You're wrong and you're right.

It can be just her, and it does take two to tango--are you tangoing alone on this?

[liberalhistorian]

69. Hey, Robb, if you

do have to start packing, you're welcome to take a trip up my way to Ohio! I mean, my God, what else does she want? I hate it when women pull shit like that, because I'm a never-married single mother who'll be 39 years old tomorrow (Saturday), who'd give ANYTHING for a guy like you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They have no idea how lucky they really are. The only guys around here are freepers, and the ones that aren't wouldn't know romance from a tractor-pull, or something like that.

Besides, I also love to write, and think of all of the writing tips and expertise you could share, lol!

[Bertha Venation]

35. "tired with the man they're with and want to break it off"

God, that attitude is about the saddest and most destructive thing on earth.

[amazona]

39. actually this is not always true

Sometimes what you are saying is true, Magic Rat. Other times, the woman loses desire for biochemical and biological reasons that are no reflection on the value of the relationship or her feelings of love.

If I were the woman, I would look into seeing what treatments I could get for this lack of desire.

If I were the man, I would back off on the romance (because it might be perceived as pressure) and encourage the woman to see her ob/gyn pronto.

I wouldn't let the ob/gyn fob me off with, "This is normal after x years of marriage." Not ever feeling desire is not normal. I would insist on getting help or find another doctor.

[populistmom]

24. I have made similar "spark" comments

However, no one has EVER (in 12+ years of maariage) done anything close to that for me. I have gotten flowers twice this Fall after a 2-3 year lull because he's hanging on for dear life at this point. He's a good father, but spark, no. I'm married to a moody man with personal issues that are just beginning to get solved. Not to mention his jealousy and insecurity stuff. Gosh, I shouldn't write all this (because just my luck, every so often, he reads DU and will pick today and be upset I wrote this publically, although he already knows how I feel), but I would have killed to have someone do for me what you did.

[Ilsa]

26. Has she had a check-up lately?

Maybe her hormones, like testosterone, are off a bit. That can lower libido and the feeling of romance. Maybe she has some other kindof burn-out that is affecting her sex drive.

Good luck. Keep the lines of communication open. Maybe seek counselling together.

[greatauntoftriplets]

28. Good point, Ilsa.

Could Mrs. Robb be depressed?

[Robb]

29. She's tried meds before

...a year or two ago, she was in therapy (work-related stress), and they put her on a few different things. Frankly, my impression was that they made her worse, and I grew fonder of her when she stopped.

[amazona]

40. all meds not created equal

SSRIs often destroy desire and even the ability to orgasm. I can see why anti-depressants for work-related stress would have just enhanced the lack of desire.

I think she needs to see if she is a candidate for a testosterone patch, pill, or creme. Or she needs to investigate other treatments specifically for lack of desire.

[Robb]

43. Just called her at work

...to ask about thyroid test in her last blood work. That went over like a lead balloon, she's clearly ticked off that I even think it might be a health issue that "all her fault". :eyes:

Anyhoo, she said her TSH was normal, and the doc said "she didn't need testosterone". I'm looking at her blood sheet, and her TSH is "normal", 2.29; elevated GGTP, which could be an indicator for hyperthyroidism, but we're also often winos, which also elevates GGTP.

Sigh.

[amazona]

46. that is frustrating

I'm afraid in her shoes I would be tempted to doctor shop and get a second opinion if I could learn of a doctor more aggressive about treating lack of desire. But it sounds like she does not believe it could be a physical problem and apparently has the test results to, if not prove it, to support her case.

This creates a very difficult situation because I do not see what else YOU can do. I think she needs to change something but I'm not sure what.

Have you tried Damiana? It is not the most pleasant tasting liqueur but it is a traditional treatment for this problem. You could replace the glass of wine before dinner with this aperitif (hmm, spelling?) for 3 to 6 weeks and see if it helped? It's supposed to be good for men too, so if you both drank it, maybe it wouldn't seem like you were plotting to change her.

This is tough.

[Robb]

62. Thanks for all the advice

Really. Thanks. :)

Had to look up Damiana, since I had never heard of it. Bought a little of the leaves, will be making my own liqueur for grins. Somewhere along the web search I spotted the stuff they sell in bottles, and recognized it! She brought some back from a trip a little while ago, one tiny little bottle... maybe I missed a message there? :shrug:

[kdmorris]

49. From Endocrineweb.com

"The next question is: When is low too low, and when is high too high? Blood levels have "normal" ranges, but other factors need to be taken into account as well, such as the presence or absence of symptoms. You should discuss your levels with your doctor so you can interpret how they are helping (or not?) fix your problems"

You don't say whether your wife has actually been diagnosed with Hypothyroidism, but she should maybe try to find a doctor who looks at more than the labs. I went through 5 doctors while trying to get treatment for my Hypothyroidism, and like RationalRose, I was cranky, tired, depressed and hard to live with (hence not much romance) for a year before I found a doctor who would help me and not tell me that a TSH level of 6.9 is "not that bad". But through modifying the dosage of my meds, etc, we've found that I actually function much better and feel more normal when my TSH is on the low side of normal.

Another thing to try is to have her take new blood tests first thing in the morning (before taking her medicine, if she is on it). This might show that the level of Synthroid is not enough to keep her feeling normal throughout the entire day. Of course, if she isn't taking meds and doesn't have Hypothyroidism, you can disregard this entire paragraph. :D

The fact that it "went over like a lead balloon" is kind of disheartening, but keep trying. It seems like you are both talking about it anyway, and that's a pretty good sign. I know it was hard for my husband to live with my perceived lack of interest for that length of time, but we did talk about it alot and it did work out for the better.

[Kathy in Cambridge]

38. Also thyroid issues

When I first had my symptoms, I was tired all the time, hence depressed, hence no sex drive. I was cranky all the time and not easy to live with. Has Mrs. Robb had a basic blood test? I went on thyroid meds and I'm back to normal mood-wise.

Definitely check underlying health reasons and make sure to keep talking about issues.

[Snow]

71. Oh. I assumed because she had a TSH done that she was

already diagnosed and this was just to titrate meds. For diagnostic purposes, just a TSH will not cut it. You gotta check free t3, t4, and the antibodies to see if the thyroid's getting eaten by the little boogers. And that TSH would have me draggy; i like to keep mine down around 1 - I'm hypothyroid, but treated.

[bleedingheart]

32. Hell I find it romantic if my husband puts the laundry away...

so I am not sure what is going on...

appears your trying....

Perhaps there are other things going on for her...is her job a problem are there any other issues that may be causing her to see the world through very thick opaque glasses???

[Bertha Venation]

33. oh, sweetie, I'm sorry...

best wishes for figuring it out. :hug:

[Cheswick2.0]

36. oy

maybe I should read the whole thread before I comment, but here goes anyway. IMO, romance means you talk to her or listen to her way before the "romantic" dinner.
Maybe you need a common purpose that transends raising the kids (if there are any) and making sure the house and yard look nice. One of the reasons many people have office romances is because of how sexy working together for a common purpose is.

My best advice is to sweat it out no matter what, your relationship will go up and down. It is not the death of the marriage.

[dawg]

41. Could it be about sex?

Am I allowed to ask that?

Some women would never just come out and tell you that things are getting boring in the bedroom, but that comment about your romantic dinner being like a nice time with a "friend" sets off alarm bells with me.

Try to spice things up a bit, and see how she responds.

[davsand]

42. You guys are talking about it--that is encouraging.

If she's looking for the door I doubt she'd be talking to you about how to make her happier--does that make sense? Sounds like you two are trying still and that is a plus.

Something that women also carry around sometimes is the idea that marriage or even relationships are supposed to be one big Wuthering Heights/Gone With the Wind kind of drama all the time. Men are supposed to be the hero that sweeps them off into spams of delight all the time.

That kind of expectation falls apart in the face of day to day life. For some folks, romance is not compatible with meatloaf and scraping the hash off the Farberwear--day to day living.

Is it possible that something like this is going on?

I think that you sound like a great guy who is trying really hard here--and I do want you to know that it is evident from your post that you do care deeply about your relationship. I think it would be fair if you did ask her to help you understand what she needs and how you can help her feel better. If she can't tell you, then maybe you two DO need to get to a counselor to help get things back on track.

Peace to you, and I hope you get it resolved.

Laura

[Robb]

44. "spams of delight"

I know it was a typo, but it made me smile. :) Thanks for the post.

[davsand]

47. That may be one of my best typos ever!

"Spams of delight..." sounds like a new dish, doesn't it?

I'm glad it brought a smile to you today. Sounds like you needed it!

Laura

[nini]

48. That would have worked on me.. no doubt at all.

Sorry to hear about this. Especially since you're not sure what the real issue is. It's got to be torture to not know if she is just not feeling it for you anymore or if there may be something physiological causing it. Either way the sooner it is resolved the sooner YOU can fulfill all your needs - both emotional and physical.

Keep talking and get counseling for yourself if necessary.. even coming here to talk to this group is helpful.


:hug:

[latebloomer]

50. How long have you been married?

It's true that many people have unrealistic visions about that sensual romantic hormone-soaked lusty love lasting forever, when actually it's a short-lived phenomenon.

But that's not say you can't still be attracted to each other and have great sex, as well as an ever-deepening friendship.

I highly recommend couple's counseling to get under the surface and sweep out some of that shit that starts to fester underneath and may well be blocking your connection.

[Robb]

51. Six years

What I don't get is why she's resistant to couple's counseling; we're seeing people individually (see upthread on the freebie therapy) and I'm not finding it's getting to the "us" issues. :shrug:

[amazona]

55. one reason for resistance

A reason to be resistant is to protect her privacy. If she is having an affair but doesn't want to lose you, she is not ready to disclose this fact. Or, if she really thinks sex is no longer of interest to her but doesn't want to hurt you, again, she might not be ready for couples counseling. Well, there are lots of reasons why people need "Space," those are just two that come to mind.

Another reason, and I am going to tiptoe lightly here in hopes of avoiding the rules against sex threads...but...women (and men) who have a fetish can be aroused within minutes (or even one minute) if you figure out what the fetish is and play to it. Unfortunately, if the fetish is something very taboo, she may not be ready to share that information. Let's say a woman was into S/M but her partner was the hearts, flowers, and candlelight type. She might be afraid of shocking you. If you could figure out her secret and act out her fantasy, you might be astounded by her passion. But how to figure it out? I dunno. The history tab on her computer might give some clues? The naughty books she has hidden under the bed? I don't mean to pick on S/M especially but I am aware of some friends in that community who really aren't interested at all in "vanilla" sex and so they would appear to be very low drive to the average civilian. A friend told me that he went a year without getting it on with his long-time companion because he could never tell her that he was really only interested if he was being dominated. It was OK in the beginning of their relationship but once the "new" wore off, he needed his fantasy.

Could it be your wife has a fantasy she is afraid to share?

Again, this is tough. There are so many possibilities and I hesitate to suggest something that would make matters worse.

Rather than the endless "talk" about her problem, I might try allowing myself to get "caught" with a book or magazine dealing with a certain fetish and observing her reaction. If her eyes light up to see you scanning an Anne Rice Beauty book, well, you know what mind game to try next. And if she's grossed out, I guess you're no worse off than you already were?

[populistmom]

63. Sometimes that's dangerous

I'm not a BDSM person, but there have been times I expressed things only to end up feeling hurt and rejected or somehow thought to be perverse. He sort of came around, but it took years and some things he just makes jokes about still. There's nothing harder for a women than to have her man make her feel undesirable. I guess I'm just saying unless he's willing to really go for whatever she wants if this is the problem without judgement or reserve, maybe it's almost better to leave it alone. If he would be willing to go for whatever she wanted, than by all means, but not every male is that open.

[SOteric]

52. Hmmm... My brother and I were having this conversation not long ago...

about the differences in the way a man acts when he's still trying to get into your pants, and the way a man acts once he's gotten into your pants and knows he can do so again. (I know, that's crude, we're used to being pretty blunt with each other. Forgive me.)

What we were saying to each other was an agreement that it's less about 'what' one does, and more about the ritual nature it takes on. The romance takes on less of a priority, even though it still occurs. There's no 'mystery.' No sweet, urgent longing. No heart dropping straight into one's shoes at an unplanned touch.

Now, that doesn't mean that any of the fluttery stuff above is somehow indication that one isn't loved. In fact, the fluttery stuff is probably just a hormone-induced illusion, and love is real, more earthy, much deeper connection.

But that doesn't necessarily mean that the fluttery stuff is useless and undesireable. Even if a person has a spouse at home whom they adore, and who appreciates that person in every possible way, - it's hard to ignore a little mystery when it comes your way.

It could just mean that some attractive fella in the office is flirting with her and she misses that same urgency in your eyes, that same seething inferno just under the surface. Or it could be that two young people of her acquaintance are currently engaged in some romantic dance and that has brought the same notion to mind.

Maybe what you really need is just to shake things up a bit. Be somehow different than your usually style. If you've been tender and courtly, try passionate and intense and vice versa. Or whatever. If the two of you have been in a rut, try a quick trip to an exotic location where you can dance on the beach in moonlight.


*Koff* It should be noted, however, that I'm no expert at the fine art of marriage, nor even how to make a relationship last. So, if all else fails, trust your instincts.

[HEyHEY]

53. Robb Robb Robb...I'm not even married and I know this...

You gotta treat the woman as insignifcant all the time. THat way when you do something nice they REALLY notice.

Just kiddin' ladies put the knives away.

[Robb]

54. LOL!!

"Aw, baby! You replaced the toilet paper roll!!!"

:D

[HEyHEY]

56. sshh, games on

Now you're getting it
Sooner or later when you'll ask he to grab you a beer she'll do it just cause she's happy to get the attention.

[rasputin1952]

58. Males and Females are wired differently...

and this is not unnatural. Reality 101.

There is common ground though, and that is where we can meet, hard par tis getting there.

I had the same problem trying to get my ex to go to counseling together. Individual counseling may be of some benefit, but it drives people farther apart, simply because there is a lack of communication between the two individuals who matter, and plenty of communication between two who don't.

The answers to relationship problems is within us, not outside of us. Sometimes we can, (if lucky), be guided to our own goals, but that is rare. Most of us don't even realize what are goals truly are, much less how to attain them. I have known many that have gone after, and gained wealth and prestige, only to find out they are not happy, they goals were never met, because they thought wealth and prestige were the only goals they had. They never really knew what their inner goals were in the first place. It is difficult to understand because of the great fear most have against looking into themselves and finding what they really want, (or need).

In this case, it could be a multitude of progressive situations, but the only way to get to the bottom of this is through communication. I will tell you this from experience, once a mind is made up, it is difficult to change it. Not trying to sound sexist, but more of the realist, women have this uncanny ability to find fault whenever they choose. Big problem in my former marriage is that my ex got it into her head that I was having an affair with one or more of the nurses at a hospital I worked at. I never did, but that didn't matter. When I was confronted by her about this, I answered truthfully that I had never had an affair. Didn't make any difference, in her eyes I was "a liar and a cheat". If would have lied and said yes, it would have made no difference to her, but to me, it would have been a lie to her.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

Some people are more open than others, and communication is easier. But an honest look inside from both of you is in order. Either of you might like what you see, but without knowledge of what the problem is, you cannot resolve it.

I hope things work out for you, in fact, I'm sure that if a line of communication is opened, all things will work out. In the mean time, I'm thinking that over 50% of the problem is on her side of the court.

Best wishes to you both.

O8)

[Darth_Kitten]

59. You forgot to set the mood with aromatherapy......

;) :evilgrin:

[jpgray]

60. I have it: trying to generate some "mystery" for herself, maybe?

Look at it this way--you say you're always doing this romantic stuff, and while romantic stuff is labeled "good" in our simple guyminds, if it becomes too ordinary, it will seem like a rut to some girls. She doesn't want the mystery that is she to end with "I'll just do that romantic stuff", so she cools off on that sort of thing. That's your hint that she wants something surprising and new and exciting. What? I have no idea. My knowledge of women only extends thus far: through long experience I can read the signals but not necessarily respond correctly. :D

P.S. Sorry I couldn't meet up with you in Telluride while I was in CO! We hiked to Arches and skied on Grand Mesa and at Ironton, and then I had to schmooze with a bunch of the "who's who" of Montrose. During some of the latter, I would have much preferred the downhill skiing. :)

[Robb]

61. Man, I wish I could have seen that...

The "who's who" of Montrose! :D ...did Starvin' Arvin himself show up??

Anyhoo. Yeah, maybe it's mystery. Of course, I'm in irony hell, because not knowing the mystery is a mystery. :eyes:

Maybe I'll just start being a bastard around the house. Yeah, that'll work.

[tigereye]

64. can't add much that wasn't already said

but as a long- time partner, married person and parent, there are times when desire can take a holiday, sometimes more with women than men, in my humble experiece. I don't agree that that means things are doomed. A good friend once said that sometimes we just need a chance to remember why we like each other ;) preferably alone and away from distractions. Also, desire can sometimes surprise you in strange and interesting ways... like when you haven't created the atmosphere. Actually, most women would love to see the environment you created, kudos to you. Otherwise, backrubs are a good way to go!

[CivilRightsNow]

65. Why dont you just ask her?

That seems like the logical thing to do. If the two of you cant talk about what is troubling you, then there isnt really alot to look forward to relationship -wise.

Maybe a week without the computer and DU, instead try spending time with her rediscovering that intimacy would do a world of good. Heck, fight if that is what you gotta do... but talking to the people on DU isnt gonna do you a whole lotta good, IMHO.

[Robb]

66. Well, since this didn't die...

I'll try bouncing this off you hapless bystanders. ;)

Much, much talk. The no-snugglebunnies (I ain't gonna git locked now) issue is because she doesn't feel a "real, deep emotional connection" with me, and isn't sure she ever did. So snugglebunnies would be "like a lie", and she's "done that before in other relationships" and doesn't want to do it again.

And, for the really enquiring minds, testing that theory later proved disastrous, and as it turns out she really means it. :thumbsdown:

Tune in next week for "As the Robb Turns". :eyes:

Hey, look! The dog still thinks I kick ass!

[truthspeaker]

67. yikes

she doesn't feel a "real, deep emotional connection" with me, and isn't sure she ever did

Bummer. That doesn't sound good, man.

[nini]

72. Wow... how long have you been married or together?

What a shame --- I work with a guy that just went through this same thing though it was him that was the one without the connection. He said he realized it when they were getting married but thought marriage was the next logical step as he had been dating her for years. Then after 4 years he finally realized he couldn't force that 'spark' part of it.

The only advice I can give is to move on as quickly as possible. My friend tried a few years of counseling because of his guilt only to end up with the same result in the end. That part of a relationship can't be forced.. it's either there or it's not - sad to say.


I am sorry for your pain and I hope you can heal as quickly as possible. :hug: