THE LIST: What's Out and In for 2004?
By Hank Stuever
Washington Post Staff Writer
Thursday, Jan. 1, 2004; Page C01
Here's your List for 2004, and it's been 100 percent metrosexualized by yet another bossy sissy. We'd stick around and explain it to you, but everything on our List has already (already?!) been griped about and refuted on somebody's smarter-than-thou blog. (Drat!)
So we'll be down in the spider hole if you need us, with our neat new friend Scarlett Johansson (in!) or maybe Elijah Wood (out?), hiding from Fox News, orange alerts, the next 50 Cent album and that creeeeepy-looking Mel Gibson Jesus movie. We're also dodging any more essays about Paris Hilton and/or the effect of the celebutante on modern culture. It's safe down here -- no Blaster worms, flu superstrains or Karl Rove. Plus we have time to write children's books, practice our frog march, unstitch the cholo monograms from our cigarette pants, and work on our robot. (Our girl robot.)
You can handle it from here, and if you can't, there's always Google.
Like the banner on the big boat says, Mission Accomplished! Cheers, queers.
OUT...................IN
Skanky................Lovely
Undercover............Non-Official Cover
Remixes...............Guitar Solos
Snowboarding..........Kiteboarding
Letting Your Boyfriend Videotape It................Letting A Major Network Videotape It
The NBA...............And-1
Martha Stewart Living................Sandra Lee Semi-Homemade Cooking
Belvedere.............Cointreau
Rocawear..............Throwback Jerseys
Arianna Huffington....Der Gropenfuhrer
MTV2..................Fuse
Hiltons...............Olsens
British Intelligence..British Television
Gourmet Cotton Candy..Homemade Marshmallows
Jessica Lynch.........Shoshana Johnson
Flat Hair.............Wavy Hair
Spike Jonze...........Sofia Coppola
Glaceau Vitamin Water..Pom Wonderful
The Strokes...........The Shins
Mutual Funds..........Google's IPO
"Elimidate"..........."Lingo"
Clay Aiken............Barry Manilow
"Jesus Is My Homeboy"
T-Shirts
......................Tank Tops With Yiddish Sayings
Bobbi Brown Beach Body Oil
......................Lush Back For Breakfast Shower Gel
Mini Cooper...........Scion XB
Celebrity Crime......."Celebrity Poker"
Overscheduled Kids....Unrestricted Playtime
Bleached Denim Wrinkles
......................Baked Denim Wrinkles
Grady Little..........Steve Bartman
"28 Days Later"......."30 Days of Night"
PowerPoint............Handouts
Paparazzi.............Helicopterazzi
Trucker Hats..........Intellectualizing The Trucker Hat Dilemma
Avoiding Albacore.....Finding Nemo
Homeland Security.....Social Security
Friendster Cliques....Stepford Wives
Jimmy Fallon..........Jack Black
Zipzap Cars...........Beyblades
Wire-Fu Fight Scenes..Catfights
Bachelors.............Average Joes
Jackasses.............Badasses
Siegfried & Roy.......Suddenly Siegfried
John Mayer............Jack Johnson
Lettuce-Wrapped Hamburgers
......................Cheeseburger-Flavored Fries Made of Meat
Jimmy Choo............Holly Dunlap
Paul Smith Throw Rugs
......................Todd Oldham La-Z-Boys
The White Stripes.....Whitening Strips
Josh Hartnett.........Gael Garcia Bernal
Jennifer Garner.......Mischa Barton
David Beckham.........Freddy Adu
Sushi.................Crudo
Segway................Honda Ruckus
"Shake It Like a Polaroid Picture"
......................"My Milkshake Brings All The Boys to the Yard"
"The Matrix"..........Metrics
"Suh-Weet!"..........."Crisp!"
Listening to Coldplay
......................Marrying Coldplay
"K Street"............"Avenue Q"
Von Dutch Original....Penguin By Munsingwear
Tiny Dogs.............Hairless Cats
"Nip/Tuck"............"The O.C."
Sharpies in the End Zone
......................Cell Phones in the End Zone
James Carville........Gollum
Martha Burk...........Code Pink
Ten Penh..............Buck's Fishing & Camping
Infant Greens.........Iceberg Lettuce
Yellowcake............Hafnium
Viagra................Levitra
Botox Injections......Toe Reductions
Donatella Versace.....Viktor & Rolf
Kids Who Read "Eragon" Books
......................Kids Who Read "His Dark Materials" Books
Saying Something Is "Ne Plus Ultra"
......................Saying It's "Sui Generis"
Combing Through Itunes
......................Subscribing to Activaire
Flash Mobs............Howard Dean Mobs
Adidas................Y-3 by Adidas
Enormous Scarves......Ugg Boots (Warning: Expires Feb. 7)
Jack Nicholson........Bill Murray
Bachelorettes.........Quirkyalones
Bands Who Look Like Blondie
......................Bands Who Look Like the Allman Brothers
"Rich Girls".........."Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica"
Sondheim..............Kushner
Us Weekly.............The Star
"While You Were Out".."Clean Sweep"
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/style/articles/in_out.html