Have you ever ruined a perfectly good friendship for no reason?

[Haole Girl]

Have you?

And, then, wondered to yourself, "What in the hell is the matter with me?"

:shrug:

I don't think they can make a drug strong enough to stop me from saying foolish things.

Oh...and, BTW...you know the saying about not going to bed angry?
Well, there is a lot of truth to that.

[Rabrrrrrr]

1. I SHOT A FRIENDSHIP ONCE JUST TO WATCH IT DIE. LOL!!!!!!!!!!

:ROFL: LOL!!!!!!!

[Shakespeare]

3. You're mean.

So stop making me laugh at that shit, okay? :P

[Haole Girl]

4. lol

You can always make me laugh.

:rofl:

[Shakespeare]

2. Thank god there are second (and third and fourth) chances, though.

My best friend and I had a huge falling out about six years ago over something unbelievably stupid. She told me she never wanted to speak to me again, so I never saw her or emailed her or called her again. But I missed her greatly. So a few months ago, I tracked her down via email, and sent her a short note. She replied within a day, thrilled to hear from me and apologizing for her part in our disagreement. We've since caught up on our lives for the past few years, and the friendship's right back where it used to be.

Sometimes, thanks goodness, it's possible to un-ruin things, and I wish you that. :hug:

[Haole Girl]

6. I think this time it's irreparable

Thank you for your response, though, and, I am glad everything worked out w/you and your friend. :hug:

[BarenakedLady]

5. Yes

But luckily I was forgiven. :)

[Haole Girl]

8. I can't imagine you saying anything hurtful...

..not like I did.

[BarenakedLady]

10. You would be greatly mistaken

I did say some awfully mean and hurtful things. Things that make me cringe just thinking about them. Sometimes genuine apologies and a bit of time makes things better.

I hope it does for you. :hug:

[Haole Girl]

11. Thanks..

Sometimes. :hug:

I'm listening to this song right now...
it seems apropos:


Under The Weather

Under this national rain cloud
I'm getting soaked to the skin
Trying to find my umbrella
But I don't know where to begin

And it's simply irrational weather
Can't even hear myself think
Constantly bailing out water
But still feel like I'm gonna sink

Coz I'm under the weather
Just like the world
So sorry for being so bold
When I turn out the light
You're out of sight
Although I know that I'm not alone...

[bertha katzenengel]

7. Yes, and I the regret is so painful

that I can't think of it without deep sorrow. I miss Jill.

I stopped keeping in touch with her because I was deeply attracted to her. She is straight and married. I was afraid of how I felt. I began to see each event together as a date. :( I was afraid . . . I don't really know. I was just afraid.

It hurts.

[Haole Girl]

9. Yes, it *does* hurt.

Hugs to you... :hug: :hug: :hug:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

12. My dear KC2..........

I haven't done what you apparently did......

But I have had friendships go south because of neglect and my own slothfulness......

I'm sorry, sweetie......:hug: :loveya:

[Haole Girl]

13. Thanks

:hug: :loveya:

[LeftyMom]

14. Almost.

I've forgiven myself and learned from it, but I managed to hurt myself and my closest friend pretty badly by acting without thinking.

[Haole Girl]

15. Hey..

..I'm glad it worked out.
It *is* so easy to act before thinking,
sometimes.

:hug:

[SKKY]

16. Never a friendship. Now, realationships? Hundreds.

[Haole Girl]

19. Hundreds?

Oh, you poor guy. You don't mean hundreds...
do you?

:shrug:

[SKKY]

23. Well, perhaps it was an exageration...

...But lets just say that I've left a great deal of bewilderment in my wake over the years when it comes to girlfriends. Luckily, I met the one
person who knew how to push the right buttons- and still does. Otherwise, I'd be one lonely dude- with a lot of friends.

[Haole Girl]

25. I'm glad you found the right one

:hug:

[NewWaveChick1981]

17. I almost did once.

Thank whatever deity you believe in that she forgave me. :) I didn't really do anything, but that was the problem---I just let the friendship die. I'd known her since I was seven years old, and it was really stupid to just give up on it. I reached out back in 2002, and our friendship is back stronger than ever. :bounce:

I learned my lesson with that. :)

[Haole Girl]

20. Yeah...I've done that more times than I care to count...

..I'm glad you two were reunited! Thanks.:hug:

[pitohui]

18. you're too hard on yourself

i've said shitty things to my dearest friends

my dearest friends have said shitty things to me

and we're still friends, give it space and air, blame the booze or the whatever, but a true friendship is not destroyed because one person said something stupid

we ALL say stupid things

don't be so hard on yourself, give it time, ask for forgiveness, then act like it never happened except to keep it in mind that you will never ever remark on that corner of your friend's life again


a wise man once said that the secret to happiness is "selective deafness"

[Haole Girl]

21. Thank you for that..

..and thank you for the great quote! :hug:

[SPKrazy]

22. Apparently I Did, I Didn't Realize It. I'm Not Even Sure What Did It.

Sometimes I guess friendships aren't meant to be.

I don't recall ever having ruined a friendship so fast or without much of a clue as to what I did. I thought we were building a friendship. Apparently the other person had a change of heart, which is their prerogative.

But I did have this happen, recently. I'm still sad about it.

I also realize that there is not a damned thing I can do about it apparently, except move on.

:-(

[Haole Girl]

24. I'm sorry..

I sent you a PM.:hug:

[SPKrazy]

26. Thanks!

:hug:

[SPKrazy]

49. ...

Ya know as I think about it KC, I really don't think it was about me. I think it was about their own bullshit.

So, I feel better realizing that I'm not their issue! They are their issue! What I did or didn't say isn't what this was about.

Thanks

SPK

:hug: :loveya:

[Haole Girl]

50. Well, in my case, it was definitely my words...

...that caused the pain....really.

I can be vicious, when I'm in the right...or should I say the wrong...frame of mind.

:scared:

[SPKrazy]

51. Oh, I Can Too!

but what I talked to you about earlier

nahhhh, this was about their stuff, not mine.

Freedom in realizing that too.

I've had situations where I've said nasty stuff, I've found ways to make up for almost all of it.

Now, there's one situation right now that time will tell whether there remains a friendship after all the bombs fall, but I think there will.

:pals:

[bigwillq]

27. No

I've been pretty blessed in the friendship department and have never managed to ruin one.

There have been a few, however, were we just lost touch with each other and didn't talk or see each other in years.

[Haole Girl]

29. You are either lucky or know how to...

...live life with sheer kindness, bigwillq!

:hug:

[bigwillq]

31. I think a little bit of both.

:) :hug:

[ContraBass Black]

28. Yes, for no reason other than that I'm an ass.

[Haole Girl]

30. Should be my reason...

...instead of blaming illness or drink. :hug:

[caty]

32. I've never ruined a friendship, but

my ex-best friend did. We were friends though out her troubled marriage, her divorce, and her new life as a single woman. Then, she remarried. she called me up one day and said that her new husband did not want her to be friends with anyone who knew her during her first marriage. She told me that we could no longer be friends and said goodbye to me. I was hurt and in shock. I haven't seen or heard from her since.

[Haole Girl]

34. Oh, that is so sad..

...and, I worry for her...having such a control freak for a husband.

How do people marry those kind of people anyway? Don't they see the warning signs in advance?

Hugs to you...for having to bear the brunt of that...and all the pain it caused you. :hug: :hug: :hug:

[caty]

38. Thanks.

That was many years ago and I have several other good friends now. But, I do wonder about how she is doing now and then.

[GreenTea]

33. Just did about a moth ago.

Still not sure why I did it.

[Haole Girl]

35. Maybe you and I will, both, figure it out...

...some day... hugs.. :hug: :hug: :hug:

[Kat45]

36. I haven't, but the other person has.

More than one have done this at different times. I'm extremely loyal to my friends, and it seems that most of my friends do not share that trait. :shrug:

[Haole Girl]

37. Do you really consider is disloyalty....

...if, for example, someone reacts (without thinking) and responds out of anger and hurt?
I never considered that disloyalty...but, I guess you've given me something else to think about.

And, I'm sorry that happened to you...especially since it sounds like it happened to you more than once. :hug:

[Kat45]

64. I guess I might have implied that, but that's not what I meant.

I've had friends turn on me when I didn't do anything to cause them anger or hurt. And I've had them turn others against me, some of whom were supposedly my friends. But that was a long time ago. I think I'm around a better class of people these days. Thanks for the :hug:

[InvisibleTouch]

39. Not that I can think of, on my part, but...

...I've pulled more knives out of my back than I care to recall. I've stopped having such high expectations of people. Little concepts like loyalty? Nah, doesn't exist. I've come to just enjoy the company while it's present, and happily go on with my life when the association ends. It's a much more peaceful way to live.

[Haole Girl]

40. Wow...

...that's kind of sad. I have loyal friends...especially my best friend from H.S.

But, this thread has made me realize something...there are just as many victims as culprits. And, why wouldn't there be...now that I think about it.

I am sorry for your pain. :hug:

[InvisibleTouch]

41. Thanks, but it's really okay.

I've come to the realization that "no one is completely on your side," and it's okay like that. I have friends whom I've known for many many years, but I have no further expectation that they'll necessarily be my friends forever. Maybe they will be (great!), and maybe they won't (so it goes). People change, things happen. And if they one day decide to go their own way, then they have the right to do that. The trick is not getting so terribly attached that you're devastated by the loss, so you can't enjoy the company of the next person who comes into your life. Hey, I guess all those backstabbers taught me something after all, and I should be grateful to them! :)

[Haole Girl]

43. I don't know...

...there are some people I'd like to be friends with a very long time. I'm a little torn on this subject. I once knew someone who said, "Friends are merely conveniences." The remark bothered me so much, I'm still digesting it....20 years later. :hug:

[Lindsey]

44. My very best friend and I have had several faillin outs

He has no siblings and we consider each other brother and sister. We usually go for a few months without talking and then one of us comes around - we initially don't talk about what the issue was. The awesome thing is that we end up totally laughing about the whole thing and make fun of what the issue was. We don't travel well together at all and now he or I will say "so let's plan our next trip!"(joking around). We have discussed that how cool it is that we can do that.

[Haole Girl]

45. Interesting about the travel thing...

...I swear, my husband and I get along *better* when we travel. It *is* rather unusual. They often say travel (as well as remodeling a home or camping) is a real test of a relationship. I'm glad you always patch things up. It sounds as if your mutual sense of humor(s) get you through! :hug:

[QMPMom]

65. I pretty much feel the same way. I have had so many people

turn their back on me that I have real trust issues. I trust only my Dad, Bio-sister, Husband and Children. Just as soon as I start trusting anyone else, I get hurt and hurt badly. I've decided that developing close friendships is just not worth the hurt.

[Joey Liberal]

42. Yes

And I'm still mad at myself over it. It has taught me to cherish my friendships.

[Haole Girl]

46. I hope I can be more careful...

..with the remaining friends I have.

[auntAgonist]

47. No but I have come to the realization that

Friends and acquaintances are two entirely different things. :shrug:

took me long enough to figure that one out. I am far too naive and gullible for someone about to turn 50.


aA
:hi:

[Haole Girl]

48. I don't think you are naive or gullible, aA...

...but I do know what you mean. What defines friendship? It's a tough one...no matter how street smart, or savvy a person is. :hug:

[QMPMom]

67. "I am far too naive and gullible for someone about to turn 50."

AMEN! I totally agree, and I'm about to turn 50, too.

[FedUpWithIt All]

52. No but i have had it done to me...

I known this person since second grade. During the early days of my divorce i called this woman one day and asked what she was up to. She said that she was no longer comfortable with me being around since she had recently married and i was now a divorced woman. I was terribly confused.

We were not terribly close but we have maintained a friendship through 20 some years. I was shocked and the blow was more severe under the circumstances at the time. Two years later i called her up and had a small talk with her. I told her no hard feelings and left my number in case she ever wanted to talk. I haven't heard from her since.

:( Whole thing still confuses me and makes me sad to think about.

[Haole Girl]

53. That is awful...

..when my parents went through their divorce, I caught a group of ladies (using the term loosely) huddled around my two younger sisters. It was just after the church service. I caught one of them interrogating my youngest sister, saying, "Does your Mommy still love your Daddy?" I snatched her by the arm and gave one of my "if looks could kill" looks. I still wish, to this day, I'd given those old heckling hens a full verbal assault. People can be so cruel...and so judgmental...after someone divorces. And, they have no idea what a vulnerable state the person is already in (as you discussed in your post).

I am so sorry you went through such pain...and, at such a terrible time, too. :hug: :hug: :hug:

[FedUpWithIt All]

55. Oh, thank you KC2...

I am sorry that you too had to see insensitivity people are capable of...and as a child. :grr:


:hug: :hug: :hug:

[SPKrazy]

54. Sounds Like A Whackoo!

There's a saying:

If you loan someone $20 and you never see them again, it was probably worth it.

I'd say, painful as it was/is, she is/has some bigtime issues about something that has nothing to do with you

Besides, you are too precious to put up with that bullshit!

:loveya: :hug: :yourock:

[FedUpWithIt All]

57. Thank you SPK...

Do you know how much :yourock: ?

:loveya: :hug:

[SPKrazy]

59. ....

you do too!

:yourock: :hug: :loveya:

I'm bored

let's make trouble!

:evilgrin:

[FedUpWithIt All]

71. LOL! What type of trouble did you have in mind?

:evilgrin:

[IdaBriggs]

56. Is this a time for you to do some penitent crawling?

Or are you kind of on the relieved side that "its over"?

[Haole Girl]

58. I did crawling...

..it didn't do any good. :cry:

[IdaBriggs]

60. Ouch! Is your friend an unforgiving sort, or were you completely

out of line?

In other words, is this something that a little time and space will clear up?

I once had a "friend" who did something completely unforgivable in my eyes. Being the person that I am, it wasn't aimed at me -- it was aimed at my husband -- but when I called her on it, she went on the attack about it. It was an incredibly stressful time in my life, and my husband requested that I not read her e-mail (which, months later, when I did read it, I was glad I had listened to him). I haven't spoken to her since. Sometimes I miss her, but honestly, the loss of her "drama" really freed up a lot of energy.

To be more clear, I was off for an IVF transfer in another state, and my beloved husband couldn't be there for the "transfer" part; he was upset. He was e-mailing her about how upset he was, and she "smacked him down" for thinking he was suffering while SHE was obviously in more pain from having lost a pregnancy six months before and HOW DARE HE even deign to compare the pain of his two miscarriages/six years of infertility stuff with HER pain. When I called her on it (along with a comment that "pain isn't a contest" and I was not happy with how unsupportive she'd been in one of his rare moments of vulnerability), she said some really NASTY things (which of course, I didn't need to be dealing with while in the dreaded "two week wait" to see if it worked. (It did, but we later miscarried that pregnancy, too.) Anyway, my point is, sometimes you are better off....?

I don't think even an apology from her would change my feelings about what a horrible, selfish AWFUL person she was at that point in time; while I sometimes "miss" her, in general, I'm glad she isn't around.

:hug:

[Haole Girl]

61. I was pretty awful..

..and a little psycho, too.

I wish it hadn't happened when my house was full of relatives, I'd had too much to drink, and I was sick...but, in reality...those are all excuses.

God help me........they are already back from dinner (the relatives). :-(

[IdaBriggs]

62. So, you took out your "relative" frustration on her?

Eeek. Give it a week, and then send some flowers. And maybe a promise to never drink around her ever again?

Hope you feel better soon!

[Haole Girl]

66. Thanks..

..and thank you for the advice. :hug:

[IdaBriggs]

69. By the way, the "no drinking" thing wasn't meant to imply you have

a problem -- it was just a suggestion of something you could offer up as a "sacrifice" type thingy.

And I hope things work out! :hug:

[Haole Girl]

70. Well, I just called them...

..for the third time...."we'll talk, later"....is the word.

That doesn't sound good. I really blew it this time. And, this friend helped me through some really tough times. I'm an idiot.

[Shakespeare]

72. KC2, don't push so hard so soon....give it a little time.

Ida's right. Let at least a week pass, then make a gesture like a card or flowers, and maybe that'll give you an opening. Until then, give them a little space to nurse the hurt feelings. They know you're remorseful--I'm betting you'll be able to patch things up. :hug:

[Haole Girl]

73. Okay,,,thanks,,,,

...if you're sure they won't feel ignored in the meantime.

:shrug:

[Shakespeare]

74. Well, you said it was your third attempt to apologize....

So I'm pretty sure they know where you stand. ;-)

And I completely understand how you feel--I have a really hard time waiting out situations like that, too, because I want to make everything better RIGHT NOW. Hang in there.

Honestly, even though you apparently were harsh with them, just knowing what a big heart you have tells me they're lucky to have you as a friend, warts and all.

[Haole Girl]

75. Thanks

:hug:

[QMPMom]

63. Well, the other person ruined the friendship, I just chose to make

sure that it stayed ruined. It was with the person who had been my best friend since we were three eyars old. What she did was extremely hurtful and unecessary. I decided that I'd finally had enough and refused to continue the relationship. A relationship that was born in 1960. It ended in 1996.

[Haole Girl]

68. I think it's best...when someone is abusive...

...and being verbally abusive is every bit as painful as physical pain.

I'm not usually on this giving end of the abuse...and, I make sure of that. But, it doesn't change things now.

That was a very long time to have a friendship, BTW. My longest friendship, is now 20 years. I'm sorry it was irreparable. :hug: