Soccer spectators are shocked as a team actually scores a goal in a game

[SmileyBoy]

IPSWICH, UNITED KINGDOM
31 December 2006

IPSWICH - Fans at Ipswich's football ground recieved a stunning surprise on Saturday at a match against Plymouth Argyle in English Champions League play.

Their team actually scored a goal.

Ipswich was the first team in this century to win a game against an opponent instead of playing to a 0-0 draw. Ipswich won 1-0.

It was the first time in 28 years that a professional soccer team anywhere in the world scored a goal in a game, according to statisticians at FIFA. The last time it occurred was in the 1979 UEFA Champions League finals as Deportivo's Giovanni Lasagna scored a goal with 88 minutes into the match to beat AC Milan, 1-0.

In this game, the goal came at 74 minutes and 37 seconds into the match, scored by Nigerian import Obukulaoudulu Ayabefamonibachenabu from a cross-field pass.

"I just kicked it, and I heard silence," Ayabefamonibachenabu said. "I didn't realize that the ball actually went into the goal. I mean, I've been playing football ever since I was 2 years old, and I've played in so mny levels, and I never have heard of a team actually scoring a goal. Actually scoring points is not the kind of thing that really exists in football. I mean, what is this, American football?? Hah!"

"It was incredible", Ipswich fan Nigel Pinchley said after the game. "People just stood there as the ball went into the net. The crowd was ready to erupt in 'awws' as they though the ball would bounce off the crossbar, but when it went in, we didn't know what to believe. It's something we had never seen before. We would just go by goal attempts in the standings every year, and the team with the most would advance to the Premierships. Now this goal is scored, and we're so happy that we're gonna advance!"

As the 28-year scorless drought in the entire sport of international soccer ends, people wonder if it could happen again sometime in the near future.

"My father told me about a game he watched back in 1961. It was a lower-division game," Plymouth Argyle fan Ian Cockman said. "One team scored a goal on the other team, and the Queen knighted all of the players on the team the week of that game. I'm just pissed that it happened against my team."

In response to the goal scored, FIFA announced plans to make scoring rules more strict, in fear that the goal scored may result in more games having one goal scored in them, or even the ultimate fear: A 1-1 or 2-0 game.

Plans include making players twirl around three times with the ball tucked in their crotch while clucking like a chicken before making a shot on goal, and making the net 3 feet wide and 18 inches tall.

"Football is about the experience, not little petty things like scoring," FIFA Assistant Chairman Francois LeDouche said. "That's why you see kids in the youth leagues all over the world where everyone gets a trophy. We don't care about winning in this sport. But if teams actually start scoring and winning, it would be the end of the boring, misunderstandable, lackluster sport that the entire planet loves."

Copyright 2006 This News Story Is Completely Fake

Story at: http://thisnewsstoryiscompletelyfake.com/sports/intl/icantfuckingbelievemyeyes.html

[billyskank]

1. Ha ha ha funny

:eyes:

[Oeditpus Rex]

2. The goal was disputed

Hegel argued that the reality is merely an a priori adjunct of non-naturalistic ethics; Kant, via the categorical imperative, held that ontologically it existed only in the imagination; and Marx claimed it was offside.

[gr8dane_daddy]

3. Man, for a minute I thought they were talking about

the Arizona Cardinals.

[tigereye]

4. actually that's often how I feel when I watch soccer anyway -

which might be why I rarely watch it.

[idgiehkt]

5. yep

it's mostly running. It's always more interesting to watch the ladies play. :)

[T_i_B]

6. I was at Portman Road watching footie in November funnily enough!

And my team beat Ipswich 2-0 in Brian Laws first game as Sheffield Wednesday manager with goals from Marcus Tudgay and Mahjid Bougherra! You can watch the highlights below.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K70NZhBbXqw

Mind you, since then Portman Road has become famous for a more sinister reason. It's in the middle of Ipswich's red light district and they've had a serial killer murder 5 prostitutes recently, although someone has been arrested for that. Here's the thread about this from the UK forum.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=191x19694


On a lighter not, here's the highlights from the last football match I went to, which finished with our Goalie scoring the equalizer in the last minute! Watch out for Glenn Whelan's 2nd goal too as it's a beauty! :bounce:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aPDJrM6B8Mo