what do you think of this legal separation nuance?

[grasswire]

I don't know if this is a quirk of (edited to remove the name of the state) family law or if it's just something set down in this particular circumstance (the husband is a relative of mine): The wife hired a lawyer. Then the husband and wife decided to seek an amicable trial separation instead of divorce. So they hired a lawyer who mediates separations -- but this turns out to be the lawyer originally hired by the wife. But the husband is NOT ALLOWED to talk to the lawyer alone.

Does that seem right? Members of the family believe this husband is about to get reamed. He is naive and not working to preserve any of his rights.

[SeattleGirl]

1. Sounds like hubby is gonna get hosed.

If his wife is serious about an amicable trial separation, then she should agree to get another attorney. As for the attorney, shame on him/her. Smells like conflict of interest to me.

Do they have kids? If so, he should demand a different attorney, or get one of his own.

[grasswire]

3. yes, two young children

He was told that he would be "allowed" to come over for dinner occasionally. Damn. He's gonna get hosed if he doesn't lawyer up.

[SeattleGirl]

6. "Allowed"? No, no, no.

He needs to get his own attorney, then. As long as neither he or his wife are abusive toward their children, or mistreating them in any way, they should both have frequent access to them. In this case, that should be carefully spelled out in a written, legal document, even if it is only a "trial" separation.

[grasswire]

8. yeah

Thanks for corroborating what I feared.

[SPKrazy]

4. yup

hose job coming up

[Kutjara]

2. He's going to get totally reamed.

The lawyer is going to look after the wife's interests, not the husband's. It also seems as if the lawyer has a clear conflict of interest and should remove him/herself as mediator. The fact that he/she hasn't speaks volumes. I'd be surprised if the husband gets custody of his own colon after the divorce.

[Hosnon]

5. Have the husband call the state's Ethics Bar. That seems like a conflict of

interest at best and possibly something a bit more sneaky at worst.

It may not be a problem if the wife did not employ the lawyer for a significant length of time and if the wife is also not allowed to talk to the lawyer alone.

[SeattleGirl]

7. Excellent suggestion, MJ.

This attorney's motives need to be questioned.

[Hosnon]

10. Thanks. They will have the answer. nt.

[Shakespeare]

20. It's absolutely a conflict of interest.

You can't represent two parties who oppose each other (there's a gray area in real estate with dual agency, but NOT in family law).

He should have his own lawyer.

[JVS]

22. yeah

[grasswire]

9. also....

...can she shut him out of the home they both own?

Note: he has no issues that would make him seem any sort of danger at all. He will grovel to please her. She's an authoritarian personality.

[SeattleGirl]

11. He would need to ask an attorney about that.

Different states have different laws.

This is sounding like a really nasty situation brewing.

[Hosnon]

12. Depends on the law...he definitely needs to get in touch with

a lawyer and the Ethics Bar (or tell the mediator that he is going to go to them and see if something comes out).

[grasswire]

13. yeah, unfortunately........

....she has the family funds inaccessible to him and I don't think he can afford much for a lawyer.

[SeattleGirl]

14. How did she manage that?

:shrug:

[grasswire]

17. he tied up all his money...

...and borrowed money from his dad to get into a new home, which is draining all the cash. She is in the home; he has to vacate it at the end of the month at her request. He spent the last two years being Mr. Mom and working beneath his level while she developed her career, and relocating to accommodate her career. He just doesn't have much to fall back on right now.

[Hosnon]

15. Hmm...can he back out of the mediation?

This is in no way legal advice but I would not want to accommodate my soon-to-be-ex in any way unless there was quid pro quo.

[grasswire]

16. yeah...

...he is devastated and responding by trying to be so accommodating that he will earn "points" from her. The dynamic of the relationship is that she is the authoritarian and he feels compelled to try to please her. So now it's even worse, now that the home, the children, etc. are at risk.

What's especially mind-blowing is that he has discovered very high probability that she has been having an affair. She doesn't know that he knows it, and it hasn't been discussed between them.

Unfortunately, he's 3,000 miles away from his own family members and we are trying to be supportive long distance.

[Crabby Appleton]

18. He really needs to talk to a different lawyer

sounds like a conflict to me.

[Gormy Cuss]

19. He needs his own lawyer. Period.

If he has to borrow money from everyone in the family to pay for it, that's what he needs to do. I had a sibling get screwed this way. After we ponied up the cash for a lawyer it was remarkable how quickly the situation changed to one with more balance.

[Orsino]

21. Hornswoggle in progress!

Please ensure that your friend secures his own representation immediately. If the wife is telling him that he can't talk to the lawyer, then the lawyer is not working in his interest, and the settlement will not be "amicable."